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If I could human centipede those bitches, I’d go to prison for a very long time.

damn goldfish keep falling out

I don’t care how hard it is to clean velvet, I’ll buy a new fucking ottoman.

I clicked the little thumbs up about a thousand times, but it only worked once.

He was the one from 21 Jump Street everyone expected to be a superstar. No shit.

Just his career

his physique is the very mirror of his comedic talent…flabby, bland and makes me want to look elsewhere.

“…and since this is as far as my mouth opens, I dumped Tommy Lee and started dating Slash”

Alternate joke: something about black microphones.

I’m not sure how big a jerk he is, but he’s getting 360 degree stink-eye like he’s eating the last powerbar on a life raft.

The paparazzi were lucky enough to be ready to snap the instant Josh saw his first mirror since his haircut…