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Posted on Sep 20th
re: Courtney Stodden & Doug Hutchison at World of Wonder (3 comments)

Well, the tits look much better from the side…so there’s that

Posted on Sep 20th
re: Courtney Stodden & Doug Hutchison at World of Wonder (4 comments)

@Fredical

Are you kidding? If she hadn’t married a famous old creeper, gotten a ridiculous boob job, and all the other bullshit, she’d just be another high school drop out with no fame and no money. Her life choices have ensured her ride on the gravy train.

Posted on Sep 15th
re: On Adrian Peterson And 'Whooping' Kids (214 comments)

Ok, so, I have this weird middle ground experience that taught me how worthless beatings are. My parents never hit me as a matter of course. The one time my dad did lay hands on me he punched me square in the face. I can’t recall why he hit me, only that he did (yet another example of a beating not doing anything practical). However, my grandma would slap the shit out of me on the occasions that I pissed her off. To this day, much like the one beating my dad gave me, I can’t recall a single thing I did to precipitate being hit. I still remember getting hit very well, but all context is lost. It became about the beating, not the event that preceded it.

Getting hit didn’t make me better behaved, it didn’t make me listen any better or follow any more rules, it just made me resent my grandmother, and not want to be around her. Consequently, my parents schooled her (e.g. told her to cut that shit out or they wouldn’t let her see me), she stopped hitting me, and everything was square. Grandma was happier because I was suddenly more pleasant to be around (funny how hitting someone might make them a pain to be around, eh?), and consequently I didn’t act out as much.

Posted on Sep 15th
re: On Adrian Peterson And 'Whooping' Kids (214 comments)

“I don’t think it’s fair for us, the media, or anybody else to convict him”
Um…we aren’t, the courts will do that (or, more likely, won’t…because let’s be honest, dude’s rich)

“completely change our opinions of him,”

Um…yes it is. It’s our opinion, we can change it whenever we want. That’s the cool thing about it being ours.

“or even suggest the proper punishment for his actions.”

Um…yes it is. We can totally suggest all sorts of stuff. Now, if we were trying to unlawfully impose our batshit ideas on him, then you might have a point.

Posted on Sep 15th
re: Janay Rice: 'You Ruined Our Life For Ratings' (121 comments)

Boom! Uncle Phil off the top rope! Totally going to crib that line.

Posted on Sep 15th
re: On Adrian Peterson And 'Whooping' Kids (214 comments)

That’s fucked up, and I’m sorry you had to go through it.

I did, however, want to correct one potentially bad piece of advice: “no matter how tall they are, you hit em in the nuts, and they go down”

That is not universally true, not by a long shot. Some people just get really, really angry. Especially if that someone is used to getting hit in the groin, say, someone who has a lot of experience fighting. I learned this one the hard way.

Posted on Sep 15th
re: On Adrian Peterson And 'Whooping' Kids (214 comments)

Make them write lines. Grounding them, giving them no entertainment until they finish writing “I will not (whatever the fuck they’re not supposed to do)” 1000 times legibly.

Make them do labor intensive, but ultimately pointless tasks. Say, digging a foxhole and filling it in again six or seven times.

Make them write an essay on the nature of their offense.

Make them clean out the basement (unless you have a well, organized, finished basement, that is always fucking awful)

Make them run laps

There are a few varied alternatives I just thought up off the top of my head, give me half an hour and I’m pretty sure I can get really inventive. And note that not a single one of these examples involved violence.

Posted on Sep 15th
re: On Adrian Peterson And 'Whooping' Kids (214 comments)

Don’t call him Nimrod, it doesn’t work. Nimrod was a mythological great hunter, so it doesn’t fit either seriously or ironically.

Posted on Sep 13th
re: Papa, What's Porn? A Very Special Bertney Story (33 comments)

Tell you what, we’ll get over religion when they stop trying to legislate it. Deal?

Posted on Sep 13th
re: Papa, What's Porn? A Very Special Bertney Story (33 comments)

So don’t read them. Seems pretty simple to me.