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“Look you guys, I’m just a little upset that Samantha Ronson wouldn’t let me borrow her skinny jeans and sneakers. It’s not fair, eh? At least she let me wear her pretty bracelet and angst-ridden expression, so we’re basically even. Bieber out.”

Edited out of the post-scuffle commentary: J-Woww remarking, “Good thing I had an agreement in place with Roger that he can throw me around anywhere as long as it’s from the neck down. The boobs have had time to settle; they’ll bounce back, if you will. The face, however, is newly constructed and may not sustain significant blows. Whew.”

In every picture there’s always a black drag queen in braided pigtails with hair rollers wearing a cheesy Wal-Mart dress, old school Converse All-Stars and carrying a Home Depot swag bag, saying it all with their condescending index finger.

Not only can I wear matching shirts with my girlfriend, but how cool is it that we wear the same size too?

Um, sorry but the “weird little lady hand” belongs to the little old lady standing right next to him, Almost a great observation, though.

“Oh, this isn’t the casting call for the Sixth Sense sequel? I was already in character and everything. Where’s the coke, then?”