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Posted on Mar 23rd, 2011
re: 0322-the-crap-we-missed-06 (26 comments)

R.I.P. erection. I will miss thee

Posted on Mar 15th, 2011
re: Ke$ha's in a Bikini Again. I'm Sorry. (345 comments)

Wow, Garrett Hedlund got chubby. Also, why is he in a bikini?

Posted on Feb 23rd, 2011
re: 'Teen Mom' Amber is Pregnant Again (85 comments)

I love it when people get surprised about getting pregnant. “Wait, sex results in…offspring? No way! Oh you liberals with your science and stuff.”

Posted on Feb 22nd, 2011
re: Jennifer Aniston Got a Haircut (98 comments)

Anyone else think the title of this post should be: “I’VE GOT A GOLDFISH…oh, I thought we were talking about shit that doesn’t matter.”

Posted on Feb 10th, 2011
re: Lindsay Lohan Will Beat Theft Charges (65 comments)

Jesus, if I was this broad, I would try to steal…I don’t know…The Hope Diamond or Fort Knox? Why? Because even if I got caught, I’d still get a plea bargain that didn’t include jail. This isn’t star power. Robert Downey can vouch for that one. This is boob power. Pure boob power. I rest my case.

Posted on Feb 9th, 2011
re: Olivia Wilde Wants to Get Laid (51 comments)

Me: Sleepover?
Olivia: Not a chance
Me: I read the Superficial
Olivia: So you’re gay?
Me: Yeeeeeeeaaaaaaahhhhh…sure?
Olivia: Well then, I don’t see the harm
Me: (mental fist pump)

Thank you Superficial Writer. Thank you.

Posted on Feb 9th, 2011
re: Katy Perry and Russell Brand Already Need Therapy (64 comments)

Why is Alf crying?

Posted on Jan 11th, 2011
re: Michael Douglas Beat Cancer (34 comments)

Sex with Snooki gives you HIQ. Yes. HIQ.

Posted on Dec 14th, 2010
re: Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johansson Separate (101 comments)

(touches God’s boob)

And you are correct.

Posted on Dec 14th, 2010
re: Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johansson Separate (101 comments)

On a serious note, I’m sad to see them break up. I’ve gotten the chance to know both of them personally and it kinda makes me further question the institution of marriage.

Seriousness aside, and since I’m anonymous…yeah, he totally banged Blake Lively whilst wearing his Green Lantern outfit.

Ryan: “Lemme show you the hammer.” (wink)

It’s okay though ScarJo. I’m single and there’s more than enough room in my parent’s basement for the two of us. Some say living with your parents in your 40′s is…well…a bad thing. I call it being “family” oriented. See? I’m already winning points ;)