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“People still steal car radios, you know. How do you think I got this suit?” (Dances.)

Thank god. I always wanted to know what Christie would look like as interpreted by a pasty white 48-year-old chain-smoking mother of two who, in between coughing up tar and drinking cooking sherry tries to seduce her son’s teenage friends by offering them handjobs after school while muttering about how she “looks young for 30.” Adrianne Curry, you make dreams come true.

D.L. Hughley IS the Five Percent.

“I have a career? Based on what?”

Don’t…don’t tease us, biscuit. Just imagine it’s a crack pipe or some hotel owner’s cock.