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Posted on Oct 13th, 2013
re: Hey, Look At Me Doing Interviews (77 comments)

Mike Redmond = Merkined Mod. It only took a Saturday night of obsessive letter rearranging to discover our fearless leader enjoys a well wigged funzone. You’re welcome.

“Jon, just avoid eye contact and we’ll be impermeable to the midgit’s Scientology swagger. Focus on Peter Dinklage instead.”

Posted on Oct 4th, 2012
re: Heidi Montag's A Stripper Now (Basically) (37 comments)

Courtney Stodden cleans up well.

Rihanna’s just prepping for her upcoming role as Whitney Houston in a biopic about her tumultuous relationship with Bobby Brown. Having your face bashed repeatedly by the same lover? So method.

And I was like, “No, President Clinton! I appreciate you want to save me millions by supporting the extension of Bush era tax cuts, but you can not touch my tits!”

…..I kid, you can totally touch my tits.

Posted on Sep 8th, 2012
re: Rihanna Kissed Chris Brown At The VMAs (33 comments)

I’m a chick, so that penis in my butt makes me less of a gay, more of a whore. Amiright?

Posted on Sep 7th, 2012
re: Rihanna Kissed Chris Brown At The VMAs (33 comments)

That’s no kiss! Chris is simply a professional taster of face. Having previously acquainted his palate with the bitter flavor of Rihanna’s left ear, the next obvious step is to compare said flavor with a traditionally sweeter taste of cheek.

Posted on Aug 22nd, 2012
re: Amanda Bynes Was In Another Car Accident (40 comments)

Fish, forget your Hunger Games hypothesis. Tony Scott killed himself literally days after Amanda transformed into Alabama Worley. That’s the most solid fucking explanation I can think of. His suicide note was simply “You’re so not cool” scribbled on a napkin soaked in his tears.

Posted on Mar 15th, 2012
re: Nicki Minaj In A Bikini (57 comments)

I was at this shoot yesterday! They invaded the beach cove my friends and I were swimming at. They didn’t have a permit to shut down the beach, but they kept making us move. It wasn’t very Aloha of them. We took some pictures of Nicki’s ass, but the quality isn’t nearly as good as it is in these.

Posted on Feb 18th, 2012
re: The Crap We Missed - Thursday 12.16.12 (21 comments)

“And for the reading portion of tonight, I’ve chosen Chapter 9: Savoring the Flav.” Upon seductively removing her dentures, she proceeds to eagerly glide her tongue along the length of the mic, never once breaking eye contact with her horrified audience.