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Randal’s comments are dripping in sarcasm and irony.
A careful reading of his little bon mots holds the intended subject up to withering ridicule and mocking contempt masked as a complement.

And isn’t that why we are here and read this stuff?

Exactly how many bottles of shampoo does she need, anyway?
That’s a loofah sponge (or a cheap knock-off from Target) and from the looks of the gloves, it appears she does her own cleaning instead of hiring a maid.

How old is she?

No nips = not topless.

No. No you’re not. You’re late by 26 minutes.

Artsy-fartsy, high strung, under-talented, pampered creative talent (and I use talent loosely) have been known to show up late on the set.
Musicians show up hours late for a recording session.
Models show up days late for a photo shoot.
Actors don’t come out of the trailer for hours for a take.

And for the crew it’s all billable hours.

69 is not a possibility.

What? She’s wearing glasses?

She’s a cum dodger.
Once you start spewing your baby batter on that forehead, she’ll be running around the room and screaming like a Japanese soldier on Iwo Jima.

I want to go strollin’ in her colon.