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Posted on Jan 14th
re: Christina Ricci Collapses For Easy Storage (25 comments)

I want to impale her w/my crank shaft and pose her like the hood ornament of a 1948 Dodge.

I’d motor boat those things like it was the Spanish Armada.

Posted on Jan 9th
re: Debby Ryan Is Your New Selena Gomez (21 comments)

I want to jizz my initials on her forehead.

Posted on Jan 7th
re: Jessica Simpson (Appears To Have) Lost Weight (18 comments)

If she sat on my face and wiggled, she’d crush my head like a grape.

Posted on Dec 30th, 2013
re: BEST OF 2013: Lindsay Lohan's Nude Scenes From 'The Canyons' (5 comments)

I’d plow it like a New England driveway in January.

Posted on Nov 19th, 2013
re: Justin Bieber's Hooker Made A Porno (17 comments)

Brazilian porno, big deal. If she’s not wanking a horse I’m not interested.

Doughnut bumping. Just before impact, apparently

Posted on Nov 12th, 2013
re: Jenna Jameson's Doing Porn Again (61 comments)

Why look at Jenna when you can look at Emily Austin instead.
Google her and gawk.

Posted on Nov 8th, 2013
re: Just Kidding, Tati Neves Is A Hooker (24 comments)

I thought for sure her schlong would be twice the size of Mr. Maple Syrup. But, maybe it was before the operation.

Posted on Aug 13th, 2013
re: Milyn Jensen Instagram Photos (11 comments)

I don’t think raw dogging it in the ass and then pulling out for a facial will improve the looks on this one.