Audrina Patridge in a bikini

March 2nd, 2010 // 108 Comments

As some of you know I turned 30 on Sunday, so last night I decided to mark the occasion by turning myself into a walking projectile vomit machine who announced to an entire bar “I think this jukebox gave me AIDS.” True story.

On that note, I’m taking my first sick day in years to recuperate, but my fine sober partners below will be more than happy to satiate your wanton thirst for gossip.

The Superficial will return to its regularly scheduled programming tomorrow where hopefully I’ll write better jokes than whatever the hell happened in that OJ post.

See you in the morning!

Photos: FHM
superficial

  1. jojo

    first

  2. HOT DAMN!

    I would eat that ass, get your daily suggest value people.

  3. wtf

    Aw, I liked the OJ post!!

    And next time I’m in my favorite bar, I will have to announce the jukebox having AIDS…and I probably won’t give you credit for it either. Thank you in advance for making me seem funnier than I really am. :)

  4. mer

    What is she looking at?

  5. Richard McBeef

    kudos to the photog for hiding those wonkiness of those bolt-ons in almost every shot.

  6. Anexio

    Get better soon and come back, Fishstick.

    You’re the best….even though you’re an old fuck now and have gray pubic hair.

    OUT!

  7. i ate captain cruch for breakfast

    I can’t stand this chick

    Lauren Conrad is the absolute worst, but this chick is second. Super lame personality. She is basically a nothing with fake tits that laughably denies it.
    “Waaaaaaaaaaaa, why do the bad boys always treat me bad? I’m done (at least today)”

    At least Heidi has a decent personality and gets all the plastic surgery done without ever denying it, plus her music video was hilarious and, truthfully, her music is pretty good is a completely disposable pop way.

  8. SO RIGHT

    She looks good for the first time EVER! WOW — great pictures!

  9. HackSaw

    i”d hit it.

  10. NotDaisy

    Funny how they photoshopped her eyes in every single shot. It still didn’t do much to cover up her ugly face.

  11. gabe

    LIke OMG you’re SOOOO cool for drinking!!!!! ZOMG!

    Fucking dipshit.

  12. who dat

    HAPPY 30th. BIRTHDAY. Hope You Had a Great One!

  13. Ghoulia

    Happy birthday, drunkard.

  14. Waaaaaaaaaaaa, why do the bad boys always treat me bad? I’m done (at least today)

  15. Ego

    Daddy likes.. and so do I.

  16. JR

    @5 You took the words right out of my mouth.

  17. ab

    Whatever haters, she’s hot. True, the photoshop is phenomenal in these pics…and the “lip job” she got done changed her entire appearance. Her body is sickness. I would do the shit out of her and I’m a smokin hot straight chick who loves the dickin.

    Fish, you’re fuckin awesome. Happy belated. Good luck with that hangover. Alka Seltzer works miracles. True story.

  18. Brandon

    Any bitch can work out and get implants, this bitch still has a busted face and is dumb as fuck. Ugly.

  19. Jade

    This is the best I have ever seen her look in pictures. I think she had her lips done too though because they look alot fuller on top. she usually has a mouse mouth.

  20. SO RIGHT

    I take it back. The only good pic is the red suit one and that’s because it doesn’t even look like her.

  21. rich

    meh cant complain. happy b-day btw

  22. MeMEme

    my bday was sunday, too. I also got aids from the jukebox.

  23. Hefe

    Yep props go to the photo who really hid her awful boob job.

    They actually look yum in these pics.

  24. duke

    @9 Fuck you, you stupid son of a fuck. You and your ilk should be shoved down a flight of stairs EVERY TIME you post that shit.
    “I’d hit it, yeah yuk yuk I’m a MAAAIN!” Suck the runs, asshole!

  25. Practicing Anti-Jihadist

    sick day?

    It’s official.

    The terrorists have won.

    But I’ll raise a pint to your health and your renewed commitment to exposing the superficial side of life.

  26. sunshine

    duke #24, I salute you. The “I’d hit it”s and the “first”s = fail.

  27. lisa

    i guess you posted this to see how many happy b-day comments you get… so here you go:
    1. happy birthday to you!
    2. happy birthday to you!
    3. happy birthday to you!

    24. happy birthday to you!
    now, ive done it instead of all those ignorant fags above. grateful? say yes!:)

    ah – i almost forgot:
    happy birthday to you!!

  28. Majimbo

    Excellent, my voodoo doll is working.

  29. sixpack

    Wow, you scanned some pics from FHM for us? *whistle* Don’t hurt yourself!

  30. robin

    now that sounded like the old writer … i mean, this site has really gone down the hills lately… come on FISH! guess u were on some kind of vacation .. now kick out all this trainees and let them cook coffee and copy ur mails again but DO NOT LET THEM WRITE again for ur site! (aren’t u 2 guys actually? one chinese man and some swedish guy in that clown media thing?)

    whatevs … happy belated :P

    PS. yeah the Andrew Koenig post was the lowest low on this site so far, and usually, im none of the faint of heart folks

  31. MR. T

    MAN I SO WANT TO FUCK HER FACE AND THEN HAVE HER FUCK MINE.

  32. Can there be a hotter woman in this world? I don’t think so.

  33. Guy

    Cankles people, cankles!

  34. kw

    So thoroughly average.

  35. Angelface

    Happy Birthday Superfish! I love you. And I hope you recover from the “cocktail flu” soon.

  36. Mr. Nice Guy

    If she is Average on your Planet kw, I want to move there ASAP. On Earth she is one of the Best looking Woman in the World. Not Very Smart, but who cares?
    And Yes, like a REAL MAN, I WOULD HIT IT AS OFFEN AS I COULD.
    Sunshine and Duke, don’t hit it, who cares.

  37. lori

    Call A.A. If you are projectile vomiting, you have gone way past the point of being a normal drinker, even a heavy drinker.

  38. Reggie

    Photoshopping every photo of women to make them “beautiful” ftw, yay

  39. Dino

    A belated Happy Birthday ‘Fish, and what a way to celebrate. Age doesn’t quench the thirst for bikini clad ladies, even ones with wonky tits. See somebody about the Jukebox love though.

  40. ....

    this is the best i have ever seen her. she looks pretty hot. i think she got some new, less fucked up implants! i think they have photoshopped her eyes…or maybe even the tits, too…who knows….but normally between the two eyes and two implants, each one managed to point in a different direction. no one can deny she is nice and fit, though.

    happy bday, fishy. glad you enjoyed it…and i think you deserve probably a week of sick days. sorry you turned old, though.

  41. chris jones

    The fake boobs are a litle too big to look real. Is that why these gals don’t do nude shots?

  42. Wow, she has an amazing body. She is super hot.

  43. wtf

    Robin, if you think you can tell who’s writing and who isn’t, you’re an idiot.

  44. rockrocky77

    The only reason to watch “The Hills” and happy 30th birthday Superfical writer!

  45. pathfindernj

    Best pictures of her ever. Body looks rockin, face too.

  46. carla23432

    Who cares!!! My boyfriend thinks the same with me. He is eight years older than me, lol. We met online at~ A_g_e_m_i_n_g_l_e. c–o–m ~a nice and free place for younger women and older men, or older women and younger men, to interact with each other. Maybe you wanna check out or tell your friends.

  47. cisy

    …..!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I found a great place ……____ TallChat.com___………… .
    where you will get a big Surprise! It is the most serious and largest club for men seeking hot, sexy and tall beauties…
    you should check it out……………………IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII…………

  48. cisy

    …..!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I found a great place ……____ TallChat.com___………… .
    where you will get a big Surprise! It is the most serious and largest club for men seeking hot, sexy and tall beauties…
    you should check it out……………………IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII…………

  49. Audrina is Sex and the Mystified is a fan of the talentless!
    http://www.themystified.com “your entertainment source, where crap matters!”

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