Audrina Patridge does Maxim

September 9th, 2009 // 125 Comments

Audrina Patridge poses for the October issue of Maxim, and I’m kind of disappointed they downplayed the gigantic gap between her trademark wonk-tits. However, I’m even more disappointed that these shots led to me getting in bed with a wedding cake. Especially after that streusel broke my heart the last time. Why didn’t you call?!

EDIT: To everyone saying these are better than Heidi’s Playboy shoot, DITTO.

Photos: Maxim

  1. Meugh

    Hot and gross.

  2. john


  3. john


  4. Scott

    I still can’t get past her lazy eye…

  5. chupacabra

    I would literally rather fuck a mongoose, but that being said, these are WAAAY better than that cunt Heidi’s bullshit playboy shoot. and I mean WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY better.

  6. Max Planck

    Not quite as boring as Playboy.

    Wedding cake=Instant soft off.

  7. Polk

    I want to play with her cans.

  8. Rodham

    Do some people actually pay money for a copy of Maxim?

  9. Dan Montana

    this one I would probably least once

  10. Fumus

    Forget about the gap breasts her eyes are messed up….

    I mean of course I’m doing her and the rest of the females on the hills but she’s not perfect and therefore no better than me.

  11. Mountain Balls

    She’s perfect.

  12. I don’t care what you say… i would bang the dumb out of that chick.

  13. Blondie

    She has cankles!

  14. freeside

    i’d bang the lazy out of that eye.

  15. Eva

    Second rate face. Next.

  16. Richard McBeef

    @12 – That’s too much work for one man. I will take the back, you get the front – we’ll meet in the middle.

  17. dude_on

    Born without an upper lip and a personality she remains an inspiration to the thousands that aspire celebrity without talent. Her unquestionable devotion to display her fake tits is a true gift. Her day will come soon. She will make a fine porn star and her journey will be complete.

  18. Mastermind1948

    The photography is second rate.

  19. Yawn

    Is there anyone that has not been in the magazine? Jesus, the Progressive lady will probably be in it next month. Fucking weak.

  20. Yawn

    Is there anyone that has not been in this magazine? Jesus, the Progressive lady will probably be in it next month. Fucking weak.

  21. Oliver Chester The Molester Lester

    I could see myself holding her head as it bobbed up and down on my knob. Appears she’d be a bit of a drooler.

  22. Richard McBeef

    @19 – I would plow the progressive lady before this pile of wonk tits. Progressive lady is nasty hot.

  23. KIKI

    What is all this chatter about the progressive lady? She has the most annoying voice on television EVER! I have to turn the channel. You guys are deaf and dumb.

  24. lilycat

    let’s give it up for ceiling eyes, she’s smoking hot here.

  25. Come-Honor-Face

    She might be nice if it wasn’t for the fact you could drive a semi-truck between her tits

  26. _me

    Progressive lady is HOT SAUCE!

    ’nuff said

  27. lovelyriot

    Her eyes look so dead in the eigth pic. It’s kinda creepy, like she has no soul or something. Very disturbing.

  28. ROUGH daddy

    That is the hottest eff me shoes ive seen since clear heels in pic 3…and the lay outs aint bad either…

  29. lovelyriot

    OMG! I just saw number 10. Dead zombie eyes are attacking us all!

  30. Richard McBeef

    @24 – Why can’t women understand how the “I would” game works? Men don’t factor things in like her annoying voice or how blessed dumb some chick is when thinking about plowing it.

    if men only hit stuff that wasn’t annoying only their dog would be getting laid.

  31. lovelyriot

    OMG! I just saw number 10. Dead zombie eyes are attacking us all!

  32. Amber

    Why in 99% of the pictures I see of this chick, she is not looking at the camera, but above it?!? It’s like the photographer is holding up a squeaky toy to get her attention but she can’t stop staring at it!! Look at the lens dammit…especially if your going to be on the cover of a magazine! Why wouldn’t anyone tell her about this?

  33. cherry

    nice hair but dunno, she doesn’t do it for me

  34. devilsrain

    25. Love it. I think they lowered the camera so its as if shes staring almost at eye level. Almost

  35. Gonzo

    @ 24. That is a sexist statement! Progressive lady is weird and unfunny, just like you McBeef!

  36. SamIAm

    “15. Eva – September 9, 2009 4:16 PM

    Second rate face. Next.”

    Yea- I’m sure you’re a real ‘catch’.

    Maybe similiar to that of the man eating catfish I saw on the Discovery Channel over the weekend- but with more whiskers? Shut the fuck up.

  37. terri

    i cant get past them huge teeth and lazy eye and she has all that money why couldnt she get a better boob job

  38. AssMaester

    All these attention seeking whoes should just stop wasting their f$#king time and release a sex tape already, then it can be decided what talents lie where. Talents???….bah poor choice of words….-> NEXT!

  39. Hank The Angry Dwarf

    Nice Rack !

  40. Courageous

    Smoking hot! Anyone who thinks otherwise is a deluded fool who has no appreciation for beauty in the female form. I would: do her, sleep with her, bring her home to mom…

  41. Tanzarian

    I’d hump her til she threw up the cake.

  42. slinkie

    bitch is dead behind the eyes..

  43. maryJane


  44. bobby_da_Perv

    shes got no ass

  45. haha

    they airbrushed the shit out of her top lip, which in real life, is about as thin as mary kate on coke.

  46. Justin Bobby

    I did her.

  47. Erich Anderer


  48. Average Joe

    Ladies, please do NOT get fake boobs. They just make you look silly. That point is made clear by this bubblehead. Or should I say bubblechest.

  49. HITLER

    This cunt radiates absolutely no heat.
    Maxim, FHM, Stuff and all those other bullshit magazines cater to the lowest common denominator.


    I LOVE KIDS!!!

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