Attention Michael Bay: Stop Everything And Do This Instead

May 1st, 2013 // 16 Comments
WATCH: ADHD's Scientifically Accurate Ninja Turtles

Posted by Photo Boy

The Michael Bay produced live-action Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles went from being scrapped to casting Megan Fox as April O’Neil, but none of that matters now because this video just slapped an “astoundingly thick” turtle penis on everyone’s face. They’re also not aliens anymore and Michael Bay never said any of that except for the time he said exactly that on video. Moviefone via Bleeding Cool reports:

There was that quote saying that we’re making [the Ninja Turtles as] aliens. We’re not. It’s the ooze! It’s from the original source material. These are from the original writers, and I never went out to correct myself in the press. I do listen to the fans and I do want this to be authentic. I think they’re going to be really happy with this movie. When I see the digital stuff, the turtles look great.

I really don’t care about who said what about source material blah, blah. This is now and the Internet has gifted us with the possibility of a low angle 360 Michelangelo self-fellatio shot. Don’t fuck this up!


  1. If Michael Bay made a movie like this(see animation), then I would pay to watch!
    Oh fuck you, fuck you very much Michael Bay!

  2. The Brown Streak

    You do know there is already a TMNT porno that was made I beileve in Brazil…and yes, it’s live action…

  3. This is one of the most awesome things I’ve seen in a long time.

  4. I’d wager my Glascock Prize that the proper term is “auto-fellatio”, not “self-fellatio”.

  5. I thot those units were rather slim in proportion to length

  6. And now I’m Googling “turtle penis”.

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