Ashton Kutcher isn’t fooling magazine editors

March 25th, 2008 // 52 Comments

Ashton Kutcher’s new show Pop Fiction has “celebrities” pulling pranks on the media. Paris Hilton pretended to be spiritual with a monk and Avril Lavigne wore a fake belly. However tabloid editors aren’t buying it and see right through the shenanigans of this assclownius supremus. Here’s some quotes from NY Daily News:

“There’s nothing these people do that we don’t know about before they get there. We know everything. Ninety percent of their lives are put together by other people. It’s almost like these celebs have LoJack. It’s easy to track them. “
Star mag ran a picture of Paris and her “guru,” but reported that it was a stunt. “We never took it seriously,” Star editor in chief Candace Trunzo tells us. “After a while, you learn what smells.” Kutcher’s crusade for truth won’t affect Star’s coverage of Kutcher and his wife, Demi Moore, Trunzo says. “He’s only semi-interesting,” she says. “He doesn’t sell a lot of mags.”
“It’s a typical conceited celebrity,” says a mag insider. “Live a life, man. Grow up. Go act. If a celeb has a full week, then they have way too much time on their hands.”

“Go act.” Ashton Kutcher – acting! LMFAO! That’s goddamn hilarious. Seriously, how do you follow that? My hat’s off to you, sir. *dead rabbit falls out* Captain Wigglenose?

Photos: Splash News
superficial

  1. huh

    chicka chicka ya!!

  2. huh

    chicka chicka ya!!

  3. huh

    chicka chicka ya!!

  4. DemiHasApenis

    He trully is the Bando of our times

    bwhahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

  5. unicornzrawk

    Nice Shorts!

  6. ph7

    #1,#2, #3:

    Tripling stupidity is not an achievement.

  7. He can do whatever he wants as long as he keeps walking around topless.

  8. Ditto that 7. I have some lotion here….(to keep him from burning of course!)

  9. Wait–is he wearing my pink shorts though?

  10. @8 Cowgirl, I thought you like the big muscular type, not the bony 12 year old boy look?

  11. Auntie Kryst

    @4 The Bando of our times? No way, Sal was one of the A’s best. Ashton is simply a douchefucker.

  12. Mike

    Why do American men have to dress like 3-year olds at the beach? Someone like Ashton Kutcher has the body to wear a Speedo. Grow up, people.

  13. Josh

    He stands like a homosexual….seriously, doesn’t he look like a homo?

  14. LOL

    who the fuck is the new superficial writer, jesus christ he/it is terrible

    btw kutcher is punking you moron faggots, 3 weeks back nothng but shots of paris with that long haired weirdo on e! with PARIS GETS SPIRITUAL TAGS

    no mention or acknowledgement of stunt

  15. LOL

    who the fuck is the new superficial writer, jesus christ he/it is terrible

    btw kutcher is punking you moron faggots, 3 weeks back nothng but shots of paris with that long haired weirdo on e! with PARIS GETS SPIRITUAL TAGS

    no mention or acknowledgement of stunt

  16. Most of these posts are written so poorly I am starting to think Ashton is writing them all after getting excited realizing someone actually still considers him a celebrity.

  17. Captain-Insano

    #7: Topless? I know he’s like a woman but “without a shirt” is techinically how you describe a man without a shirt.

  18. Uncle Eccoli

    “We know everything.”

  19. #14 what do you mean “no mention”? Where the hell have YOU been??

  20. The Laughing God

    @9 That is how Demi likes it

  21. Eigh Knuss

    “Ninety percent of their lives are put together by other people.”

    That’s the key line.

    Why quibble, though? The Paris stunt worked, but then the word went out and MommyFucker won’t be able to put one over as easily. His problem is that he can pull off believable stuff, which basically amounts to disinformation, but not over-the-top stuff, which would be entertaining. For example: Britney has dinner with Mel Gibson. If she did for real, what’s the big deal? If she didn’t, and it was a set-up, what kind of joke is that? Britney has dinner with Justin Timberlake, and at the end they kiss: that’s a stunt worth trying to pull off. Or he could even pretend it was dinner at KFC and put his dick in a (greasy) box.

  22. Auntie Kryst

    *sniff sniff* Anyone else smell eurotrash or maybe french canadian bacon? I think it’s coming from somewhere in-between comments 11 and 13.

  23. You’re right number 10, Ashton is a little too fem for my tastes (probably). I don’t know about guys in women’s clothing unless they’re TT. Hehe!

  24. giblets

    Ashton can’t wear a speedo, not if there’s any possibility that Rumer might be there wearing her hot pink g-string bikini. It’s a nonnegotiable demand made by his balls, which don’t want to run back into his body cavity.

  25. RENEE

    He’s so hairless, it appears that he shaves his vagina too

  26. Jan Edith

    Where is his wedding ring?

  27. EuroNeckPain

    Auntie Kryst actually likes these large ugly pink shorts ? I agree with Mike, this guy would look much better with a normal bathing suit. (BTW, picture#1, the man in the background: ugliest shorts ever; crotch at mid-thighs, makes calves look all scrawny, ewww).
    Hey Mike, their bathing shorts are not the only problem (like their dicks were so big they cannot wear a normal bathing suit, riiight), but their UNDERWEAR is something too ! They still have the white cotton kind that opens in front, the “kangaroo” model, like our grandpas in the fifties !!! HA !!!

  28. casey

    “” says a mag insider. “Live a life, man. Grow up. “”

    Ah ha ha. Someone from STAR magazine is saying that? BACK AT YA.

  29. Randal

    Poor Ashton. He’s not doing much with himself and neither is his beautiful wife Demi.

    At least he’ll always have That 70′s Show, which he’s a classic character in but nothing more.

    Ho-hum on this one.

    Randal

  30. Auntie Kryst

    @27 Actually I do think his swim trunks look ok. It’s simple here. If you’re on a swim team, wear speedos. Otherwise wear trunks. If you’re a fat fucker from Montreal or Paris wearing a banana hammock on Miami Beach, cover your junk Pierre.

  31. Trover

    It cracks me up that the losers at some celeb rag are dissing on Kutcher for making fun of them! Telling Kuch to get a life? Oh the irony. Cracks me up how clueless celeb stalkers are about themselves. I don’t even care for the guy, but at least Kutcher has had a hit show, done some movies, some modeling, etc. What have any of the talentless hacks at Star, Us, People, etc done other than follow around Hollywood types?! They seriously all need to die painful deaths. On live TV.

  32. Ashton and Demi's Marriage

    People still thinks that’s Pop Fiction.

  33. Dan

    producers don’t have to act bruh. don’t worry bout how me makes his money. grow up.

  34. BunnyButt

    13, he stands like a pregnant woman … which, when a guy is doing it, translates into standing like a homo. So, yes, I guess you’re right. Regardless, Asston’s extreme lack of body hair makes me feel slightly queasy. I like men to look like they’ve passed puberty. Seriously, is the whole hairless guy thing still trendy? Just asking since I work in higher ed (meaning not in the real world) where men just aren’t aware of such things …

  35. BlueBlur

    Ashton is wearing those shorts because he is on a photoshoot with co-star Margarita Levieva on the Los Angeles set of their new romantic comedy, Spread.

  36. Bush

    She is so lovely and large sexy.I saw her many times in millonaire dating site “W e a l t h y L o v i n g .c o m “.What kind of relation she want in this site?Dose she really fall in bad ill?

  37. Min

    #14, agreed. I think there’s a new writer and it’s just not as funny.

  38. EuroNeckPain

    @30 Auntie Kryst, if I understand well, Americans agree with Arabs that a speedo-type bathing suit is too revealing, and that men should be covered from hips to knees with large shorts ?!??

    The last time an Algerian said that, it felt really weird, but he was a strict muslim, so it was not too surprising. The last thing I expected was to hear a regular American say the same thing !!!
    So you guys hate “banana hammocks” (a name like this says it all), but you all celebrate “grapefruit hammocks”, huh ? Does this make any sense ? At least, strict muslims ban both !

  39. damn straight

    they are absolutely right. when i saw the thing about paris, i just rolled my eyes and forgot about it. she’s not interesting to me. same goes for avril lavigne who can’t even sell concert tickets. Ashton and Demi, absolutely boring. she’s a has been from the 80s and he’s just a boy. no one gives a crap about these people. seriously dude go play with your grandmother demi and go away already.

  40. woodhorse

    @38 don’t try to make a double standard out of that. There are plenty of better ones out there. It has to do with the tolerance level of society and it has to do with how bad a man wants to get laid. If men go around looking like Will Ferrell in Anchorman, most people are going to go “Ewwwww”.

  41. gierggn

    All the celebrity mags and gossip websites should fess up they didn’t know shit. They were all fooled they thought the stuff was real. The Paris Hilton guru show? Sure, no one believed Paris was becoming spiritual but everyone at best only thought she was trying to get attention. When doesn’t she do something for attention? No one knew it was a prank. Fess up and tell the truth which is you all bought into whatever the prank was. Stop trying to spin the story like a politician would. Part of spin is to discredit the person in this case it would be the celeb in the prank or Ashton. Amazing isn’t it?

  42. grunion

    #22 I’m not going to stand here and let you bad mouth bacon. French Canadians ? fine. Just leave bacon alone.

  43. Linda

    I will be glad when shorter shorts come back in style for men. He is hot!

  44. Auntie Kryst

    @38 New slang term for me. What are grapefruit hammocks? Women’s bikini tops? Those are fucking awesome.

  45. Auntie Kryst

    @42 Sorry Grunion, I was out of slurs. I like Canadian bacon. I just don’t know any derogatory terms for the Quebecois.

  46. janie118

    I actually think he´s hotttt

  47. Allie

    these pictures are from the set of “Spread”. it was being filmed at the hotel i was staying at two days ago.it was pretty sick

  48. Grunion

    #45 up here in the great white north we usually just call them frogs. or idiots. either or.

  49. Craig

    I love that someone who writes about star’s lives for a living tells Ashton K. to get a life.

  50. Craig

    I love that someone who writes about star’s lives for a living tells Ashton K. to get a life.

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