Ashton Kutcher is a woman

August 31st, 2007 // 82 Comments

Here’s Ashton Kutcher wearing Capri pants and a shirt with a shiny hummingbird on it. Because, you know, Capri pants. And a shiny hummingbird. All further evidence to support my theory that Ashton Kutcher is the toughest man on the planet. I’m just waiting for the paparazzi shots of him buying tampons with Demi Moore. You know Demi doesn’t need them because of a little thing called menopause. And if you don’t know what menopause is, just ask somebody old like Demi. Your grandmother, for example. Don’t worry, eventually she’ll stop sobbing long enough to explain it to you.

Photo: Splash

  1. Clementines

    I think this is a big gag scene where he loses his clothes and has to borrow some from a gal in the film..? Oh? That is funny? ha ha ha?

  2. Silo333

    I’ve always hated this guy. I always thought it was because he was a talentless dolt. But now I have a better idea of why I hate him.

  3. wedgeone

    Man-pris for his mangina … Classic, Mrs. T. Best one today.

    His wardrobe advisor ought to be jumping out from behind a trailer now, yelling “Ashton, you got punk’d!”

  4. wedgeone



    That the worst sellout I’ve seen since Madonna decided to become a parent. Mr. Fish, you should be so ashamed of yourself. Don’t ever post another article about LiHo ever again. at this point, you might as well put on some man-pris like Ashton did, you spineless, hypocritical twatwaffle!

  5. Alison

    The average age of menopause is 51. Demi is about eight or nine years away from that.

  6. Asston is a tampon!

  7. Kareem Ofwheat

    They’re also known as high water pants. That’s a nasty look, especially with the flip flops and questionable feet.

  8. woodhorse

    wedgeone: nice catch – I didn’t look at the ads (never do). That’s the problem with Fish trying to make money with ad space: unless he writes the commentary, 99% of us aren’t going to look. Lindsay may be insane but she’s very very pretty and Jrz’s comment on the car chase was WONDERFUL. Jrz said “hit the glass” -( It’s funnier when she says it – Dear God, I just can’t tell a joke like she can) and some guy yesterday said “whoa is me” so now I smile all the way to work.

  9. STeve

    he’s pussywhipped and been brainwashed by manly man Demi

  10. Sammy D. Jr.

    Can’t believe no one had mentioned the Mario Testino add that has Demi applying bright red lipstick to her man’s(?) lips. Is that what he meant when he was quoted as saying men want to be told they are scruffy and rugged by their women?

  11. I said this yesterday and it’s even more true today!*

    “What a pussy-whipped cock sucking bastard!! His old woman really fucked up his mind…not to mention having Bruce hanging around all the time breathing down his neck! But still it bears repeating “What a pussy-whipped cock sucking bastard!!”

    *Yesterday’s #80

  12. Fru Fru Cowgirl

    Hey! That’s MY shirt!

  13. iburl

    What’s worse than that? Having to be Bruce Willis and seeing that poosay kutcher slobbering in your hot ex’s mouth and dry humping her while you’re trying to catch fish for a Vanity Fair photo shoot.

  14. whatever

    #12 – he ain’t doing Demi Moore.

    Demi Moore is doing him with a big black strap-on.

    Then she makes him wear tampons up his ass during the day.

    That’s why he’s the bitchy little pussy he is today.

  15. whatever

    #30 – no, the farting thing is actually true. I’ve seen it from a distance. It’s not pretty!!!

  16. Maybe he hasn’t enough money for longer pants.

  17. Frick!

    Whats even scarier to me than him wearing manpris, or whatever they’re called, is how wide those suckers are. They’re like bell bottom manpris. He is about as appealing as Danny Bonaduce (gag!) to me at this point. And to think I salivated over him just a few years ago! Demi & Ashton together is the equivalent to me of how some people feel about what Kfed did to Britney. I’m just surprised he didn’t change his name to ASHTON MOORE! Barf!

  18. George

    His mother dressed him funny.

  19. George

    Or, his mother dresses him funny. WHATEVER!

  20. LauraE

    The girl next to him is REALLY badly dressed and she seems to have had a hard time changing her hair color to match her shoes !!!!!!!!!

  21. whatever

    #67 – “Demi & Ashton together is the equivalent to me of how some people feel about what Kfed did to Britney.”

    You’re telling me that Kfed fucked Britney in the ass with a 12 inch strapon, all the time donkey punching her and making her scream “I’m your bitch”?

    Because that’s apparently what Demi is doing to little Ms. Ashton here.

  22. kamihi

    In Europe men wear these all the time its not big deal, even big tough skinhead type men wear these capri length.

  23. Aryiel

    Sweet Jesus. He is a woman.

    I have those same pants. Why is Ashton Kutcher wearing effing Juicy Couture? Maybe it helps his vagina breathe better, who knows.

  24. love demi moore but i gotta admit ashton kutcher turned into the ugliest guy after he got with her…

  25. gerard Vandenberg


  26. funny! :) he still looks good though :)

  27. redsonja1313

    The outfit looks like Britney picked it out and even at that he still looks handsome and he has Demi… So really does it matter what he wears

  28. pete

    you should know this first that capri pants were worn by fishers ( most of the time men) and in the fifties en sixties worn by women…try tobe informed next time before writing…

  29. The Jerk

    “In Europe men wear these all the time its not big deal, even big tough skinhead type men wear these capri length. ”

    Yeah, well European “men” are fucking faegs!

  30. This is nothing too loud. its very common these days and it is indeed very relaxing. Http://

  31. ashton kutcher has an alive-and-kicking career? what ELSE does he do besides the camera commercials?

  32. gill 12

    —Wonder if Kuchar will EVER have the nerve to
    break ranks and spill about Hollywood’s cover job and
    decades of financial ‘involvements’ with the most
    awesome —and unoutted –genocidal regime in history
    —across the Pacific.

    NOT looking good.

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