Ashton Kutcher did get my birthday present

February 22nd, 2008 // 94 Comments

Ashton Kutcher celebrated his 30th birthday on February 7 at Socialista in New York City and it turns out the bartender was mixing drinks with an extra special ingredient: Hepatitis A! Nothing like getting Punk’d in the digestive tract. The New York Department of Health contacted Ashton and told him that he and his guests, which included Bruce Willis, Madonna and Gwyneth Paltrow, should probably get a vaccination ASAP. TMZ reports:

Hepatitis A is spread by putting something in one’s mouth that has been contaminated with traces of fecal matter from an infected person. Symptoms include jaundice, fatigue, abdominal pain, nausea, and diarrhea. Any patron who hung at Socialista is considered to be at risk, and the Health Dept. says they should get a gamma globulin shot — pronto!

For those of you who think it’s a bit cruel of me to laugh at this news, just take a good, hard look at the pics of Ashton Kutcher I included. They’re from last night and I have no idea what the event is, probably the 15th Annual Douche Ball. I defy you to look at that guy and not wish the bartender was pouring drinks directly into his eye. Am I right? I’m right. You can stop punching your monitor now. He can’t feel it. I’ve been trying all morning.

Photos: Getty Images

  1. deacon jones

    It doesnt give me hangovers, and considering I usually drink until Im cut off by the bartender, it does a body good

  2. Clever

    I’m just glad I can type something up that will help you vent on a Friday!

    I don’t like these people, and I slam celebrities on a daily basis because of who/what they are.

    I also raise my glass to you all.

    Have a great weekend and pray we don’t have to see any vajajay shots of Shitney on Monday.

  3. This is better than 2 girls 1 cup.

  4. Harry Ballzack

    3. harharhar – February 22, 2008 10:31 AM
    “Wow. I always look at this site and think how stupid all the “FRISTS” crap is, but when it came down to it…I just did it…and was overly obnoxious at that…”

    And to top it all off, you were’nt even first…….HAHAHAHAHAHA …………………

  5. Understanding Lamoids

    LOL …………. This dudette gets my tag for stupidity

  6. Frankly

    Please start posting more pictures of Demi and Bruce’s kids. Their bizarre looks fascinate me. They have got to be the ugliest people on the planet which is strange given their lineage.
    Rumer looks like a retarded version of her father. ( a bit redundant and repetitve)

    ** don’t use that last one Superficial, it’s trademarked!

  7. Donna

    seriously, why is rumer so hideous? both of her parents are good-looking.

  8. de

    They deserve to get Hepatitis. That vapid, self absorbed old hag in her disgusting fur coat should rot in hell.
    Karma is a beotch. Hepatitis, and spawning the ugliest kids in LA.

  9. Xanthia

    #34: I agree wholeheartedly!!!

    However, I am wondering whenthey are going to announce that they ARE the “New Addams Family” …. they certainly look the part!

    ~da da dadum –snap snap~

  10. fatso

    Gross. Ashton Kutcher is a douche, Demi Moore looks creepy and petrified, and her daughter is FUGLY.

  11. spiritkittykat

    I LOVE his white tapered-leg $5,000 dollar douche pants! So sexy!

  12. PrettyBaby

    You know? I really wouln’t mind riding Bruce Willis into a sweaty frenzy. BUT the extreme fugliness of his daughter would make me literally afraid of his, you know, his ___________. I’d have to protect my egg at all costs, people.

  13. demi is hot

    Demi is hott!! Fuck you guys! ( and jealous old women)

  14. ZaZ

    Spot on. Straight Tuh-Kill Ya right in the eye.

  15. celebritard tours

    #52. You’re a good sport. The more people against this celebrity bullshit the better.

    Thanks #48 and #59.

  16. bunny

    They should teach her to walk on her hands, and then get her some really good plastic surgery on her ass! Impossible to fix that face! I feel guilty for even commenting, I hope she doesn’t read this!

  17. EuroNeckPain

    Proves that a fourtysomething can be waaaaays more attractive than a twenty year-old. Ha ha, so much for you frustrated women on this site who cannnot bear the idea of a woman fucking a younger man. I wonder why and I suspect its is because you are young, that’s about all you have, and you can’t get a decent man.

  18. EuroNeckPain

    I just googled Rumer Willis.And… WHAT ??? She is an ACTRESS ??? With her ugly face and all, she managed to take the place of a more gifted individual, just because of her parents, that’s sick !

  19. surlywench

    Rumer got beat with the homely stick but damn…that’s an awesome dress and she does look good in it.

  20. lila

    Oh that sucks!!! They are a HOT couple!! Everyone who talks shit is jealous.

  21. Ript1&0

    Yeah, it was an awesome dress the first fifty times Sara Jessica Parker wore it in 2002.

  22. Lindsay

    I’m still fascinated that someone like Ashton could be with someone so much older, i mean she looks good for her age, whatever it may be, but damn.

  23. The world is full of cover ups people! It’s a Pamela Anderson conspiracy, everybody knows it! OMG

  24. Alexandra

    I wonder if Demi will give her daughter Ashton for her birthday? That’s the only way that “it” will ever get any.

    I don’t mean to make fun of Demi’s daughter but I’m drunk so I am…that girl REALLY looks like those “what if they had a kid” mock-ups but she’s REAL.

    I know she’s already rich and probably will never have to work, or care – but she really should think about plastic surgery.

  25. veroonica

    67? When you have your panties off and legs spread 5 miinutes into the “date”, a younger guy will go for the bait. So, yeah, even grannys like you can get young dick. The gals on this site just choose not to be slutty plastics. Have fun with your plastic surgery bitch. I hope you bleed out.

  26. crazy otto

    ….i’ve worn out pause spots in my copy of the butchers wife…..seriously

  27. Um Yeah


  28. who else?

    Why is that old hag wearing fur? She probably eats puppies because someone told her it will make her look younger.

  29. emmaleigh

    why is it that Rumer Willis seems to still be under the impression that short hair is a good look on her? honey, no. You’re not pretty enough.

  30. the gals r so cute, and there r a lot of their hot pics at the site

  31. Rabbi Schiller

    What a fucking hideous tux.

  32. talula

    rumer looks really…not good!

  33. EuroNeckPain

    ??? Hey #75, I ain’t no granny and no one here has ever had plastic surgery so just go back to face your mirror and cry.

    #74, that’s a hilarious comment
    And Rumer’s dress looks like a parachute.

  34. Sauron

    Unless any of the guests sticked her/his tongue in the bartender’s bunghole than there’s small chance that any of the guests got infected.Humans get exposed to various virus-cocktails on daily base anyway.But i won’t be surprised if anyone did.

  35. Lowlands

    If the bunghole is the promised land than Hollywood is the new Jerusalem.

  36. chenush

    gosh she looks sooooo old!
    is she that rich?////

  37. Doomhammer

    Never has the word Douche been more appropriate than here.

    Actually, in the dictionary, where it says Douche, they should just put this picture of Ashton. You wouldnt even have to print the word, just one look at the image and it would come to you…… DOUCHE.

  38. ScarTissue

    Why all the sad faces? Mmmmmm….fecal matter.

  39. ScarTissue

    BTW, who hog-tied Rumer in that dress?

  40. Rumer’s dress is to distract your eyes away from her face. Furthermore, it’s ugly so that her face automatically looks better (albeit, not much), compared to it.

  41. BTW, fuck you Kari. I know you read this web-shite. You are addicted to it. And you know how much I hate Demi, I’d definitely bone her before you next time you cheating whore… Our kids would be so much better looking than if I had kids with you, you wretched young hag.

    Hey guys, yeah… there are “Young” hags out there too. It all just depends on her personality (and perhaps how droopy her boobs have become!!). LOL!!

  42. katie

    How trashy… she looks like an uneducated hooker in this fur… NOT GLAMOUROUS.. she would look glamourous if she was wearing just the dress! What happened to the “wholesome demi moore”?

  43. katie

    How trashy… she looks like an uneducated hooker in this fur… NOT GLAMOUROUS.. she would look glamourous if she was wearing just the dress! What happened to the “wholesome demi moore”?

  44. Nelly Vargas

    Demi …Animals are cruelly slaughtered for use of their fur; why wear fur when there are luxurious cruelty-free clothes available. Only cruel and stupid people wear fur

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