Ashton Kutcher defies God’s will, escapes death

August 7th, 2009 // 57 Comments

Ashton Kutcher, who’s apparently in Boyz II Men now, and Demi Moore’s plane had to make an emergency landing yesterday in Vegas after their engine overheated, according to People:

The two were flying to New York following the Las Vegas premiere of Kutcher’s latest movie, Spread, at the Palms Casino Resort. Neither actor was injured.
Moments after the sudden landing, Kutcher reported the incident on Twitter, writing, “My plane just had to do an emergency landing. Engine over heated. Fire engines everywhere good times.” He later posted an update saying he was “happy to be alive” and adding that he wanted to celebrate at the Turtle Bay Bar.

Dammit. So close. Granted, Demi Moore would’ve been lost in the wreckage, I like to believe that after $85 billion of cosmetic surgery she’d at least be flame retardant by now. Then again, in all likelihood, she’s probably the exact opposite and would light up like a Christmas tree around the tiniest of flames. “How ’bout some candles, baby? OH MY GOD YOU’RE MELTING!”

Photos: Getty
superficial

  1. chick

    I can see him being in Boyz II Men

  2. Ruby

    Whatever happened to Boys II Men anyway?

  3. Boys II Men – haha
    Demi didn’t have that much plastic surgery done, did she? She has always done an amazing job with staying fit / controlling her body (remember GI Jane??? one hand pushups???)

  4. Ananana

    publicity stunt?

  5. timbo

    In case of a water landing, please reach to the seat next to you and use Demi as a floatation device. There are no cords to pull, they are already inflated.

  6. And yet, John Hughes dies… damn you fate, you impetuous beast!

  7. Ruby

    Ah, apparently they’re still making uhm…music. But this guy can’t be in the group. Everyone knows blacks and (quasi-)jews don’t get along.

  8. Kari

    Oh god, Turtle Bay is frat-tastically skeezy.

  9. spinal

    Aww, he used to be so hot on the 70s show. And then Punk’d came out and I realized he was kind of an asshole. And then he married Demi Moore and converted to Kabbalah and I realized he was a total asshole. Now I just don’t care.

  10. The Observer

    Oh man, that boys II men crack put me on the floor. It was perfect comedic timing between what I was thinking and reading. Haven’t laughed that hard in awhile.

  11. devilsrain

    Im with the superficial, so close! Just like the DJ AM and the barker loser. Everyone else dies except them? cmon

  12. EB

    I think they had sex on the plane without using any KY, and the resulting friction and sparks set off a fire on the polyester seat covers.

  13. The real terror here is that anyone would actually stay at the Palms resort.

  14. Hammertime

    Hahhaahaha. He wants to go party at the Turtle Gay Bar after “almost dying”.

  15. noogalopagus

    Someone needs to tell him to chew his food for godsake! It looks as if he is having trouble swallowing a plum in that third shot!

    Chew, dammit, chew!

  16. Tanzarian

    The engines went out, but the plane coasted softly to the ground on his overinflated ego and douche-baggery. Or is it buggery?

  17. AteIsEnough

    Another becoming a douche…

  18. bUZZTOE

    DOUCHE-BAGGERY as it’s finest….why won’t these two disappear?

  19. I’m just waiting till someone murders Ashton and runs up saying to him ‘HAHAHAH BRO ZOMG YEW GOT PUNk’D LMFAOAOOMGWTFBBQ..HEY BRO WAKE UP THAT KNIFE WASNT REAL MAN IT WAS RUBBER..WAIT..DID WE CHANGE THE PROP KNIFE? SHIT RUNNNNNNNNNN”..

    /teh end

  20. Susan

    this is one of the funniest things I’ve read on your site in a while!!!!

  21. Lalique

    Thank you, thank you, thank you for your fabulous sarcasm!

    Note to Ashton: Chace and Zac called. They want their bangs back.

  22. lesly

    What an amazing man! He’ll get his oscar some day! – bbwsinglesdate.com

  23. Dave Mustaine

    Two questions:
    1. What’s he doing with Grandma Dynamite?
    2. What’s with the lid? Thats not a hair-do on his head, its a hair-don’t!

  24. Randal

    Hey there Ashton! Haven’t seen you around at the FISH lately, so thanks for stopping by again. Just wanted to say I think you have a great sense of style, no wonder why you drive Demi and the ladies so crazy.

    Happy to know the both of you are doing well after your terrifying experience in the air.

    Randal

  25. Ollie Williams

    In other news, Chinese Farmer Builds Wooden Roflcopter.

  26. Ollie Williams

    In other news, Chinese Farmer Builds Wooden Roflcopter.

  27. Chipot

    Please let this be like Final Destination!

  28. 1moreidiotintheworld

    Dammit!!! Where’s a good psychopathic middle-easterner who can smuggle a massive shoe-bomb on board when you need one???

  29. Nero

    It’s hard to kill weeds.

  30. Nature

    *Cries out loud*

  31. lotte123

    Did he have something done with his face? Cuz he sure look good here.

  32. lotte123

    had*

  33. lotte123

    had*

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    had*

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    had*

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    had*

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    had*

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    had*

  47. lotte123

    had*

  48. yoohoo

    Couldn’t someone on the plane have just bashed his skull in and say it was due to the rough landing?

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