Ashton Kutcher defies God’s will, escapes death

August 7th, 2009 // 57 Comments

Ashton Kutcher, who’s apparently in Boyz II Men now, and Demi Moore’s plane had to make an emergency landing yesterday in Vegas after their engine overheated, according to People:

The two were flying to New York following the Las Vegas premiere of Kutcher’s latest movie, Spread, at the Palms Casino Resort. Neither actor was injured.
Moments after the sudden landing, Kutcher reported the incident on Twitter, writing, “My plane just had to do an emergency landing. Engine over heated. Fire engines everywhere good times.” He later posted an update saying he was “happy to be alive” and adding that he wanted to celebrate at the Turtle Bay Bar.

Dammit. So close. Granted, Demi Moore would’ve been lost in the wreckage, I like to believe that after $85 billion of cosmetic surgery she’d at least be flame retardant by now. Then again, in all likelihood, she’s probably the exact opposite and would light up like a Christmas tree around the tiniest of flames. “How ’bout some candles, baby? OH MY GOD YOU’RE MELTING!”

Photos: Getty
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His 33rd year was definitely eventful, with a much talked-about new job and a split from Demi Moore. Tame-on-Twitter Ashton Kutcher posted a nice note for his Two and a Half Men family Tuesday, who presented him with a photo birthday cake as he turned 34.

Comments (57)

  1. me | August 7, 2009 at 9:57 am

    last

    Reply
  2. me | August 7, 2009 at 9:57 am

    last

    Reply
  3. chick | August 7, 2009 at 9:57 am

    I can see him being in Boyz II Men

    Reply
  4. Ruby | August 7, 2009 at 9:59 am

    Whatever happened to Boys II Men anyway?

    Reply
  5. www.thinspiration.info | August 7, 2009 at 10:02 am

    Boys II Men – haha
    Demi didn’t have that much plastic surgery done, did she? She has always done an amazing job with staying fit / controlling her body (remember GI Jane??? one hand pushups???)

    Reply
  6. Ananana | August 7, 2009 at 10:02 am

    publicity stunt?

    Reply
  7. timbo | August 7, 2009 at 10:03 am

    In case of a water landing, please reach to the seat next to you and use Demi as a floatation device. There are no cords to pull, they are already inflated.

    Reply
  8. RichPort's Ghost | August 7, 2009 at 10:05 am

    And yet, John Hughes dies… damn you fate, you impetuous beast!

    Reply
  9. Ruby | August 7, 2009 at 10:10 am

    Ah, apparently they’re still making uhm…music. But this guy can’t be in the group. Everyone knows blacks and (quasi-)jews don’t get along.

    Reply
  10. Kari | August 7, 2009 at 10:15 am

    Oh god, Turtle Bay is frat-tastically skeezy.

    Reply
  11. spinal | August 7, 2009 at 10:32 am

    Aww, he used to be so hot on the 70s show. And then Punk’d came out and I realized he was kind of an asshole. And then he married Demi Moore and converted to Kabbalah and I realized he was a total asshole. Now I just don’t care.

    Reply
  12. The Observer | August 7, 2009 at 10:37 am

    Oh man, that boys II men crack put me on the floor. It was perfect comedic timing between what I was thinking and reading. Haven’t laughed that hard in awhile.

    Reply
  13. devilsrain | August 7, 2009 at 10:41 am

    Im with the superficial, so close! Just like the DJ AM and the barker loser. Everyone else dies except them? cmon

    Reply
  14. EB | August 7, 2009 at 10:45 am

    I think they had sex on the plane without using any KY, and the resulting friction and sparks set off a fire on the polyester seat covers.

    Reply
  15. Giggles | August 7, 2009 at 11:16 am

    The real terror here is that anyone would actually stay at the Palms resort.

    Reply
  16. Hammertime | August 7, 2009 at 11:34 am

    Hahhaahaha. He wants to go party at the Turtle Gay Bar after “almost dying”.

    Reply
  17. noogalopagus | August 7, 2009 at 11:43 am

    Someone needs to tell him to chew his food for godsake! It looks as if he is having trouble swallowing a plum in that third shot!

    Chew, dammit, chew!

    Reply
  18. Tanzarian | August 7, 2009 at 11:55 am

    The engines went out, but the plane coasted softly to the ground on his overinflated ego and douche-baggery. Or is it buggery?

    Reply
  19. AteIsEnough | August 7, 2009 at 12:04 pm

    Another becoming a douche…

    Reply
  20. bUZZTOE | August 7, 2009 at 12:10 pm

    DOUCHE-BAGGERY as it’s finest….why won’t these two disappear?

    Reply
  21. The Jerk | August 7, 2009 at 12:16 pm

    I’m just waiting till someone murders Ashton and runs up saying to him ‘HAHAHAH BRO ZOMG YEW GOT PUNk’D LMFAOAOOMGWTFBBQ..HEY BRO WAKE UP THAT KNIFE WASNT REAL MAN IT WAS RUBBER..WAIT..DID WE CHANGE THE PROP KNIFE? SHIT RUNNNNNNNNNN”..

    /teh end

    Reply
  22. Susan | August 7, 2009 at 1:11 pm

    this is one of the funniest things I’ve read on your site in a while!!!!

    Reply
  23. Lalique | August 7, 2009 at 1:16 pm

    Thank you, thank you, thank you for your fabulous sarcasm!

    Note to Ashton: Chace and Zac called. They want their bangs back.

    Reply
  24. lesly | August 7, 2009 at 1:45 pm

    What an amazing man! He’ll get his oscar some day! – bbwsinglesdate.com

    Reply
  25. Dave Mustaine | August 7, 2009 at 4:11 pm

    Two questions:
    1. What’s he doing with Grandma Dynamite?
    2. What’s with the lid? Thats not a hair-do on his head, its a hair-don’t!

    Reply
  26. Randal | August 7, 2009 at 4:50 pm

    Hey there Ashton! Haven’t seen you around at the FISH lately, so thanks for stopping by again. Just wanted to say I think you have a great sense of style, no wonder why you drive Demi and the ladies so crazy.

    Happy to know the both of you are doing well after your terrifying experience in the air.

    Randal

    Reply
  27. Ollie Williams | August 7, 2009 at 5:37 pm

    In other news, Chinese Farmer Builds Wooden Roflcopter.

    Reply
  28. Ollie Williams | August 7, 2009 at 5:38 pm

    In other news, Chinese Farmer Builds Wooden Roflcopter.

    Reply
  29. Chipot | August 7, 2009 at 5:47 pm

    Please let this be like Final Destination!

    Reply
  30. 1moreidiotintheworld | August 7, 2009 at 7:04 pm

    Dammit!!! Where’s a good psychopathic middle-easterner who can smuggle a massive shoe-bomb on board when you need one???

    Reply
  31. Nero | August 8, 2009 at 11:06 am

    It’s hard to kill weeds.

    Reply
  32. Nature | August 8, 2009 at 11:15 am

    *Cries out loud*

    Reply
  33. lotte123 | August 8, 2009 at 5:20 pm

    Did he have something done with his face? Cuz he sure look good here.

    Reply
  34. lotte123 | August 8, 2009 at 5:20 pm

    had*

    Reply
  35. lotte123 | August 8, 2009 at 5:20 pm

    had*

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  36. lotte123 | August 8, 2009 at 5:20 pm

    had*

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  37. lotte123 | August 8, 2009 at 5:20 pm

    had*

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  38. lotte123 | August 8, 2009 at 5:20 pm

    had*

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  39. lotte123 | August 8, 2009 at 5:20 pm

    had*

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  40. lotte123 | August 8, 2009 at 5:20 pm

    had*

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  41. lotte123 | August 8, 2009 at 5:20 pm

    had*

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  42. lotte123 | August 8, 2009 at 5:21 pm

    had*

    Reply
  43. lotte123 | August 8, 2009 at 5:21 pm

    had*

    Reply
  44. lotte123 | August 8, 2009 at 5:21 pm

    had*

    Reply
  45. lotte123 | August 8, 2009 at 5:21 pm

    had*

    Reply
  46. lotte123 | August 8, 2009 at 5:21 pm

    had*

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  47. lotte123 | August 8, 2009 at 5:21 pm

    had*

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  48. lotte123 | August 8, 2009 at 5:21 pm

    had*

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  49. lotte123 | August 8, 2009 at 5:21 pm

    had*

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  50. yoohoo | August 8, 2009 at 6:23 pm

    Couldn’t someone on the plane have just bashed his skull in and say it was due to the rough landing?

    Reply

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