As if he could smell the long-dead carcass of his acting career, Ashton Kutcher has accepted the position of assistant head coach for Harvard-Westlake prep school, according to Page Six:
“The team was totally surprised when they showed up for practice and Ashton was there,” said our source. “His best friend is the head coach and asked for his help.”
The universe is in balance today, my friends: Tom Brady is sidelined, Ashton Kutcher’s been reduced to coaching high school football, and I bet there’s even a leftover Boston Creme in the employee lounge…
UPDATE: SON OF A VAGINA! Nothing but coconut. I hate you, mysterious cosmos!
Photos: INFdaily.com
Mia | September 9, 2008 at 12:47 pm
Lucky females!
mchole | September 9, 2008 at 12:48 pm
I believe its called Harvard-Westlake. It’s the school the Olson twins went to. Haha and Spencer. Obviously they’ve got a great track record going.
Sababa | September 9, 2008 at 12:55 pm
You’re wrong. the Olson’s and Spencer went to Campbell Hall.
havoc | September 9, 2008 at 1:04 pm
Coach Douchebag of the mighty fighting Douchebags.
Who’s their mascot?
A Douchebag?
a reader | September 9, 2008 at 1:05 pm
wow, they must be delighted, can Ashton like, make them like winners, you know?
Alex | September 9, 2008 at 1:06 pm
You know, though, to this old lady-fucker’s credit, he is one of the most normal celebrities. It’ll probably be his downfall.
ph7 | September 9, 2008 at 1:08 pm
Let’s hope he scores some sweet young high school pussy. He deserves as much as he can get as a reward for being anchored to that old, face lifted, dried up Demi Moore.
Remeber, when a chick turn 40, trade her in for 2 twenty year olds.
Barack Obama | September 9, 2008 at 1:13 pm
Vote for me. I’m a radical Marxist.
The Geekologie Writer | September 9, 2008 at 1:29 pm
Haha, I buried the last Boston Creme in the bottom of the trashcan just to spite you. Seriously though, just eat the coconut — food allergies don’t mean shit.
Somedude | September 9, 2008 at 1:33 pm
#7 Thing is you can fit four twenty year olds in demi’s boobs.
stacy the ace | September 9, 2008 at 1:36 pm
The things I would do to him……………………………………………
Jimbo | September 9, 2008 at 1:40 pm
I thought you had to have a pair of balls to coach football??
it's me Fuckers! | September 9, 2008 at 2:04 pm
ROFL!! I actually laughed out loud at the update remark! SON OF A VAGINA!! ROFL!!
Sportsdvl | September 9, 2008 at 2:20 pm
Hopefully he’s a better coach than he is actor!
sixpack | September 9, 2008 at 2:34 pm
He’s an assbag.
Dar | September 9, 2008 at 2:34 pm
Dude, where’s my career?
Turd Ferguson | September 9, 2008 at 2:44 pm
he better be careful or he may break a nail.
rough daddy | September 9, 2008 at 2:46 pm
This could be the begining of a ploy to get away from Demi!
who dat? | September 9, 2008 at 2:49 pm
I bet the punter could kick his ass
JimmyBachaFungool | September 9, 2008 at 3:06 pm
Athletes want to be actors, actors want to be singers and singers want to be athletes. Kutcher, apparently is gay.
Funny 'cause it's true | September 9, 2008 at 3:08 pm
@16 – that made me laugh.
Is that a turf field? Good lord.
blah | September 9, 2008 at 3:13 pm
he’s a douche but he’s still a fricken hot douche…Zip!
Nancy | September 9, 2008 at 3:40 pm
Demi will be doing angry grunting benchpresses with 275 lbs to wind down after going to one of their football games and watching the cheerleaders flirt shamelessly Ashton…and seeing him look like he already knows them quite well…
Hey#1 | September 9, 2008 at 3:56 pm
#1 that is what ashton is betting on. He’s tired of all the cosmetically altered middle age pussy he supposed to keep satisfied. He wants more of the young stuff while the girls are still stupid enough to do him. He’s gotta cashin on the young trim cuz the older stuff knows he can’t act.
marc | September 9, 2008 at 5:08 pm
as a former hdub student, all I can say is wtf?!?!!? At least they’ve still got a top tier science program
farty_mcshitface | September 9, 2008 at 7:40 pm
yeh, thankfully his career is fading and hopefully we won’t have to hear about him much more.
Virgodoll | September 10, 2008 at 4:38 am
he looks way hotter here than he does in any of his movies, Sexy
Toolboy | September 10, 2008 at 8:43 am
Not many coaches can pull of the proper combination of “dude, totally, awesome and rock” in a pep talk, but Coach Kutcher can.
gerard Vandenberg | September 10, 2008 at 1:48 pm
LOSERS always cheer for themselves, folks!!
mchole | September 10, 2008 at 2:34 pm
hah oh right, i forgot about campbell hall. we wiped the floor with their football team. although that’s not saying much about their team… or ours. we all kinda sucked.
el ces | September 10, 2008 at 4:42 pm
Heh, this would’ve made a good episode of Punk’d.
jl | September 11, 2008 at 8:29 pm
actually spencer went to crossroads hs