Ashton Moves Out, Demi Hits The Bottle and Trolls For Strange

October 5th, 2011 // 87 Comments

Posted by Photo Boy

With the rumor mill cranking hard in shit-sling mode, two separate reports came out today with even stronger implications towards the eventual demise of Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore‘s marriage. First up, Us Weekly begins with the ever-reliable “a source” followed by “another source” claiming that Ashton banged not only Sara Leal, but multiple chicks in a hot tub:

But Kutcher liked what he saw when he met party girl Leal and her friend past 4 a.m. in his 1,200-square-foot suite back at the Hard Rock. “Ashton told them he was separated from Demi,” one source says…After some “hard-core” flirting, the Two and a Half Men star was “totally into it,” another source says. “Within five minutes, they were all naked in the hot tub, making out!”

Next, beacon of truth Life&Style basically says that Demi has relapsed into alcoholism and while her family plans an intervention, Ashton moved out and got balls-deep with grief:

A family friend exclusively tells the new issue of Life & Style–on newsstands now–that their relationship had fallen apart weeks before Ashton’s alleged cheating incident–and Ashton has moved out of their home…The reason? According to the friend, Demi has fallen back into dangerous habits and while Ashton has been urging her to get help, he made the decision to move out in early September.

Whew, there’s a lot going on here. On one hand, you’ve got Douchestain McBowtie acting like he’s on Jersey Shore and on the other, you’ve got Demi who is literally wasting away before our eyes having apparently leapt off the wagon like it was on fire. Well, I did a little digging and I think I can understand what’s going on here. The above photoset shows Demi on the set of Magic Mike in early September. There’s no listing of her credited in any way on IMDB, so I can only assume that she (not unlike all of America) was drawn by the astonishing allure of Channing Tatum. I’m no Hardy Boy, but you can’t tell me that this pic alone doesn’t allow you to hear her thoughts clearly. “Don’t do it Demi, I know he’s a street tough with a heart of gold, but you can fight this urge!” I rest my case.

Photo: Flynet, Splash News

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  1. pookiewookie

    Ashton used her as a stepping stone to get on the A list. Now that hes landed his dream job he wants to enlarge hischoices of women. Demi looks damn good and shouldnt worry about being alone.

  2. izzy

    HE’S GOTTA LIVE UP TO CHARLIE! WINNING ASHTON! WINNING!

  3. Buddy the Elf

    Her vagina turned to dust and moth balls a decade ago.

  4. B.Girl

    Demi Moore has more class and natural beauty in one cell than that creepy hag Sarah Leal. Any guy who would pick a poor white trash ho over his wife that loves him is insane. By the way, in the all important vagina age years, Sarah Leal is an ancient, overstretched, loose 123 year old senior vj! No doubt Ashton’s mini soldier was all but lost in that giant chasm she calls her vagina. Hey Ashton, feeling itchy down there yet??? Red spots, open and ooozing sores? So nice that you willingly expose your wife to the HPV virus teeming in Sarah Leal. THAT will show no symptoms in you, but it can lie dormant in Demi for 18 – 30 years before turning malignant and giving her cancer in her reproductive system instead of the baby your blanks couldn’t deliver. You deserve to be dumped and sentenced to a life time of 3rd rate white trash whores – just like you. Without Demi you are nothing but a no longer pretty wannabe Charlie Sheen. Cannot wait until Two And A Half Men dumps your ass.

  5. Pippy Longcockings

    Get a haircut ya fuckin hippie!

  6. Wzup

    Matt Smith (Dr.WHO) called and said bring his wardrobe back, “Get your own Dr.WHO outfit, and for crying out loud buy clothes that fit.”
    PS. Bowties are cool,……but not on you.

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