Ashton Kutcher Is The Gatekeeper Of Literary Truth Now

No wonder he cheats– if you had three arms– you would too.

Come on Kelso just admit you got a strange shot of leg because maybe your mom’s or sorry wife’s cunt is a little dry.

I always KNEW this guy was a DOUCHE!!! Jesus, he needs a swift kick in the nutsack followed by a toss off a cliff.
Do the world a favor Ashton, hang it up. And by “it”, i mean YOU!

this from the guy who produced the show “Punk’d”….

I am positive he’s blaming Johann Guttenberg for EVERYTHING.

First.
It’s funny to see how he thinks to be someone whose opinion is worth more than a laughter. poor little failed actor.

Hes an ass.Period.I dont blame her, she was just douching.

Ahahahahahaha *pauses to breathe* hahahahahahahahaha

Is that speech from the giant chick scene in “Dude, Where’s My Car?”

he’s worse than john mayer at this point. and with a smaller dick.

Too long…didn’t read.

If I was going to read a long winded, narcissistic, self-ngratiating editorial on the sad state of journalism in the modern internet age, it wouldn’t be one written by Ashton Kutcher. Being famous for tapping ass beyond it’s expiration date does not make you an authority on…well, anything except which brand of lubricant dries up slowest.

Not sure of the sequence of pictures on the superficial. Presumably these pics are fresher than yesterday’s? If that’s the case, we can at least say that his taste in hats is improving somewhat.

I try and see the positive in people.

“We are our own editors, we are our own publishers and we are our own printers…”

we are our own paper jams.

Luke: Ben! Why didn’t you tell me? You told me that Darth Vader betrayed and murdered my father.

Obi-Wan: Your father… was seduced by the Dark Side of the Force. He ceased to be Anakin Skywalker and “became” Darth Vader. When that happened, the good man who was your father was destroyed. So what I told you was true… from a certain point of view.

Luke: A certain point of view?

“When the cost structure comes down on printing… the level of honesty of literature starts to plummet”

Fish, I think he’s talking about you, dude. You gonna take that?

Who dresses this idiot. Does he actually look in the mirror and say, yep this is the look.

He’s not just a douche, he’s a loquacious one too.
Was he actually dumb enough to think he would be able to marry Demi Moore and not have his extracurricular fuck habits scrutinized?

So did he just talk about truth and honesty? Or did he actually say what happened – did he bang this chick or no?

If he really didn’t bang her he would probably just say, “I didn’t bang her stop talking about it.”

*This* horseshit coming from the douche who was more than happy to post pics of Demi’s ass bent over in underwear and who blew up twitter with “We’re sooo in luuuurrrrv!” tweets; pics of Demi half-nekkid in a bathroom and various other uber-douchery.

If he’s stating the media lied about his fuck-fest – sue ‘em! He’s ignoring the fact that this chick *sold* her story to the media. If she’s lying – sue her!

It’s funny that nowhere in this weed induced rant is he actually *denying* anything. Pathetic doof.

$50 says he’s an investor of Chime.in. Nothing like drama to up the traffic and valuation.

Um, you want a literary gatekeeper of truth? Move to China. Or transport yourself to Soviet Russia. Fucking pretentious asswipe. You’re just crying b/c people are making fun of your stupid ass on Twitter.

I wonder who writes his speeches; Fez, Hyde or Foreman?

The curse of Two and Half Men is coming true! Soon he will be ranting about his lion blood and how he is always prevailing.

Alright, Aston, you’ve just proven you’re a moron and can’t put a cogent sentence together. Oh, and explained why the character you played on the ’70s Show seemed real; because you were a functional idiot playing a functional idiot. Excellent!

OMG that’s like SO deep. Off to RT every single sentence

Why is he trying to hold on to that marriage? He can get way hotter tail.

Is it just me or do other people feel bad when someone like Ashton gets all serious and starts talking ungrammatically about shit they don’t understand?

“and be certain that we are doing our own diligence”

Moron, it’s not “do diligence”. It’s DUE diligence.
Fuck me with a pitchfork, this guy is STUPID.

Hahahaa look at this fucktard Ashton trying to come off as some deep thinking intellectual. Newsflash to this bitch, the only reason he and his wife are relevant today is because they are constantly tweeting/posting mundane shit 24 hours a day, not unlike like the douchebags in the social media he is complaining about. This stupid cunt needs to realize that he is a 35 year old frat boy and leave the deep thinking shit to others.

Ya Ashton, I’ll remember this little speech of yours the next time I’m looking at pictures of your hag wife in a bikini that she posts on twitter like a sad wannabe 17 year old.

The guy actually makes some pretty good points, but he’s still a cheating douche bag!

great, another ‘torpedo of truth’. is it the show that makes people nuts?

Here we were blaming Denise Richards and Brooke Mueller for Charlie Sheen’s batshit crazy. Now thanks to Ashton, we know the truth: Chuck Lorre is the antichrist.

I just want to barf when I see this face. Take that fucking hat off.

sorry folks: THE TOILET PAPER IS OUT!!

What a pea brain he is.

I didn’t have sex with that woman. She was masturbating on my penis. That’s the gatekeeper’s honest truth.

Countdown to the Sheen-Kutcher Torpedo of BS tour

Is he Mayor Mc Douche of McDoucheville ?

EEEEW,
I wonder if he might be taking a shower anytime soon. Well, Christmas is coming so here’s hoping. Gawd, I can smell him through my screen. This guy is disgusting.

This speech just shows how stupid this guy really is. Unless he and Demi are in on this to drum up more publicity for his new show? He should be pissed at the chick who spilled the beans, not the media. He is such a tool.

I think he has microcephaly of the boobs

he’s just trying to be pseudo-modernist

Wow, what an incredibly long-winded and douchey way to say, “Please stop paying the whores I fucked to talk about how I fucked them.”

Lmao. Greatest text ever. That was so funny. I love your blog.