Ashton Kutcher Tried To Buy Demi Moore A Car To Save Their Marriage

Shortly before their inevitable divorce was announced, Ashton Kutcher reportedly bought Demi Moore a $100,000+ Lexus to save their marriage which is stupid because it’s not like she can’t buy one herself. Then again, I honestly don’t know what Demi Moore does these days and her face is 80% polymer, so maybe she can’t. Strike that from the record. TMZ reports:

According to our sources, Ashton contacted a high-end car company, to buy a new set of wheels for Demi’s birthday. We’re told Ashton picked out a 2012 Lexus LS 600h L — and paid North of $100,000.
Our sources say Ashton wanted a quick deal — bagging the luxury hybrid on November 9, just two days before Demi’s birthday.

Oh, Ashton, you gullible rube. Women don’t get married just so men will pay for things they can’t afford. That’s only 95% of it. They get married so you don’t have sex anymore, you danish tart! But, seriously, you banged another woman on your anniversary and a car is what you come up with? A car? Not, oh I dunno, a time machine that collides into your dick before it enters a random vagina? Jesus, you’re making Charlie Sheen-money now, and he had one built just to Bogart piles of coke from himself. Which, coincidentally, is also how Kim Kardashian is famous. Bastard fractured the very fabric of our reality, that sonofabitch

Photos: Splash News