Ashton Kutcher’s Coworkers: ‘He Isn’t Funny, But At Least He’s Not Crazy’

Ashton Kutcher’s first episode as Charlie Sheen’s replacement aired Monday night to record numbers, but keep in mind that was mostly because people wanted to see if Charlie burst onto the set and raped everyone into piles of coke, and old people have a lot of free time. Anyway, apparently the crew aren’t exactly thrilled with the current quality of the show, but will gladly shovel out more milquetoast episodes if it means never hearing the words “Winning!” again. (Side note: To anyone still using that word, please know I pray to a god I don’t believe in that you die of ass cancer in the mouth.) E! News reports:

He’s just not as funny as Charlie. Not that we’d want Charlie back if you doubled our salaries.”
You hear that?
The guys (and gals) who were having trouble paying their mortgages during one of Sheen’s notorious AWOL meltdowns, do not—repeat—do not want him back.
They are very, very clear about that.
But they also freely volunteer that the show, in their veteran opinions, “just isn’t the same anymore,” and that they find Sheen’s substitute to be more of a “safe replacement.”

So basically Ashton isn’t funny because he’s not walking around slapping them in the mouth with a hooker’s vagina, but the show would be better if he walked around slapping them in the mouth with a hooker’s vagina. Let me guess, these were teamsters, weren’t they? I can sense their shiftless laying about even from here…

Photos: Splash News