Ashton Kutcher Will Start With Lea Michele

A freshly-shaved, and equally as freshly-divorced, Ashton Kutcher surprisingly showed his face at the premiere of New Year’s Eve last night because, let’s be honest, anyone who actually wants to watch the cinematic equivalent of every homogenized actor in Hollywood taking turns shitting in a bag for a ridiculous paycheck really just wants to see faces they recognize. Like a retarded person seeing their favorite cashier. Anyway, Lea Michele is also in the movie for reasons Mel Gibson and I will discuss later in a secret, underground sweat lodge, and apparently Ashton decided to walk over and stare at her chest the entire time. And, granted, it’s not a very remarkable chest, but it is also less than half a century old and probably doesn’t smell like Ensure. He’s still not used to that. “So, wait, these are the ones you were born with AND paint doesn’t chip off of them? Go on…”

Photos: Getty, Pacific Coast News, Splash News