Ashton Kutcher Will Start With Lea Michele

December 6th, 2011 // 69 Comments

A freshly-shaved, and equally as freshly-divorced, Ashton Kutcher surprisingly showed his face at the premiere of New Year’s Eve last night because, let’s be honest, anyone who actually wants to watch the cinematic equivalent of every homogenized actor in Hollywood taking turns shitting in a bag for a ridiculous paycheck really just wants to see faces they recognize. Like a retarded person seeing their favorite cashier. Anyway, Lea Michele is also in the movie for reasons Mel Gibson and I will discuss later in a secret, underground sweat lodge, and apparently Ashton decided to walk over and stare at her chest the entire time. And, granted, it’s not a very remarkable chest, but it is also less than half a century old and probably doesn’t smell like Ensure. He’s still not used to that. “So, wait, these are the ones you were born with AND paint doesn’t chip off of them? Go on…”

Photos: Getty, Pacific Coast News, Splash News

superficial

  1. Ashton Kutcher Lea Michele New Years Eve Premiere
    Waldo
    Commented on this photo:

    One’s trying to escape! Gah! Nipple-less. It’s a trap!

  2. deal

    so much hate against lea michele, just leave the girl alone.
    lea was beautiful and is a talented actress, so back off and leave her alone.

    • JC

      We’ll leave her alone if she goes away and leaves us alone.

      Really, though, I think she’s kind of hot, except for the unfortunate face. If she worked like a real-life Mrs. Potato Head and I could replace her nose and mouth with different ones, though, I’d be all over it.

    • D-chi

      I really don’t care about her either way. She has a good voice. I just hate Glee.

    • Shia La Poof

      She had a photo shoot in her panties and bra that was hot.I would like to give her my genetic slurry delivery.

    • bitingontinfoil

      Wow, you went from “deal” to “cute girl” in a matter of, what? 12 posts? Kudos to you, sir!

    • Michael

      Honestly, I don’t know much about the girl at all. I haven’t seen her be mean to anyone, let alone hear. I’m not passing judgment on her yet. We’ll wait until D-day.

  3. Cock Dr

    He looks like a dealer, shaved and coaxed by his lawyers into a suit for his sentencing.

  4. Ashton Kutcher Lea Michele New Years Eve Premiere
    Coyote
    Commented on this photo:

    So is he no longer the Hippest of the Hipsters; you know the a$$holes who want to relieve my childhood as a hippie (1960′s-70′s) without any of the Social Consciousness.

  5. D-chi

    He finally shaved! The caveman look was not good.

  6. mr. muckle

    The line about the retarded person seeing their favorite cashier just made me feel so, so sad. Good work.

  7. Ashton Kutcher Lea Michele New Years Eve Premiere
    who cares
    Commented on this photo:

    This pic is creepy….it’s like he’s smelling her hair or something. Ick.

  8. Looks like they have a few things they both enjoy. The love of a good hair conditioner and her tits.

  9. Ashton Kutcher Lea Michele New Years Eve Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    “Yes, she has this many functioning ovaries!”

  10. Ashton Kutcher Lea Michele New Years Eve Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    So he’s gone from Demi’s inflated funbags to having to search for the nipples. Charmed life, this one.

  11. Ashton Kutcher Lea Michele New Years Eve Premiere
    Motorboat Captain
    Commented on this photo:

    What chest?

  12. Don

    That’s a nice step up from being married to his mom.

  13. GuestyMcGuest

    The Mel Gibson comment doesn’t make sense, as, despite her Streisand-esque schnozz, Michele is only a a quarter Jewish, with the rest of her hot little ass being a quarter Spanish, and half full-on Italian (assuring us of an extra hairy bush).

  14. Ashton Kutcher Lea Michele New Years Eve Premiere
    papastryfe
    Commented on this photo:

    “Ah this nipslip is going to make my next Nikon Coolpix commercial ROCK!”

  15. lump

    like staring at the horizon on an ocean in an effort to see the curvature of the earth

  16. Ashton Kutcher Lea Michele New Years Eve Premiere
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Have mild interest in seeing him naked, otherwise meh.

  17. Ashton Kutcher Lea Michele New Years Eve Premiere
    swalton
    Commented on this photo:

    At least he got a divorce before his inevitable decent into ‘sheen madness’

  18. Roughing is not a right, but a priviledge

    I need someone to handle my comments on the Superficial, while I go around and bang different chicks.

  19. Roughing is not a right, but a priviledge

    Someone saner…

  20. Roughing is not a right, but a privilege

    Oh no.

  21. cute girl

    lea is a beautiful girl and a talented lady, she is just friend with ashton i don’t know why people are so up in the arms about it.
    at the after party lea was with her friends (the glee boys).

    • SisterRay

      I’d get a bit more subtle about my username if I were you. If you’re trying to be sexy, try Sammi or Kelly or something so that people subconsciously assume you’re hot. Actually calling yourself “cute girl” however IMMEDIATELY makes one think you’re a balding fat dude with an incongruously high voice.

  22. Snow J. Frost

    Hi there Superficial,

    Could you review this movie for us, please?
    I (and I’m sure many others) would prefer your commentary on ‘bag shitting for a paycheck’. I would understand if you would have to be completely drunk or high to review it but that is what the holidays are for.

    Cheers.

  23. Ashton Kutcher Lea Michele New Years Eve Premiere
    lol
    Commented on this photo:

    what, i thought that was rebecca black

  24. You can be sure his middle name is neither Classy, Cool or Funny. Oddly enough he thinks he is all three.

  25. Ashton Kutcher Lea Michele New Years Eve Premiere
    Ennis Porcine
    Commented on this photo:

    Those eyes tell me she has already endulged in an Ashton milkshake.

  26. Ashton Kutcher Lea Michele New Years Eve Premiere
    Ennis Porcine
    Commented on this photo:

    Nice titties, big nose, no hips. I wouldn’t kick her out of bed for farting, though.

  27. Ashton Kutcher Lea Michele New Years Eve Premiere
    Vic 'Welfare' Chones
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m good at reading body language. This picture tells me Ashton has already thoroughly explored her colon (and she enjoyed it).

  28. Ashton Kutcher Lea Michele New Years Eve Premiere
    Nina
    Commented on this photo:

    What a freakin creeper

  29. Ashton Kutcher Lea Michele New Years Eve Premiere
    Nina
    Commented on this photo:

    Ashton looks so pussy-whipped in these photos. He needs to meet me.

  30. Ashton Kutcher Lea Michele New Years Eve Premiere
    HoboWine
    Commented on this photo:

    “Watch what I do with just two fingers! Make her Glee all over me. Someone grab my Coolpix!”

  31. Ashton Kutcher Lea Michele New Years Eve Premiere
    Commented on this photo:

    Just add bangs, and he’s Marlo Thomas in That Girl.

  32. bitingontinfoil

    FUCK this guy’s gone from douche to just plain creeeepy! He reminds me of a best friends drunken uncle who likes to “oversee” the slumber parties.

  33. A dude

    Lea is actually talented, so I suggest she stay away from slime like him.

  34. stratacat

    “shaving each other’s faces was so fun!”

  35. she’s italian – unlike scarjo, mila kunis, natalie portman

  36. Ashton Kutcher Lea Michele New Years Eve Premiere
    amanda
    Commented on this photo:

    can we just be honest for a second? NOBODY LAUGHS LIKE THAT! thank you.

  37. Ashton Kutcher Lea Michele New Years Eve Premiere
    Allie Reno
    Commented on this photo:

    whats up with her arms in every damn pic

  38. Ashton Kutcher Lea Michele New Years Eve Premiere
    guy
    Commented on this photo:

    nothing to fill that dress, reminds me of the proposal

  39. Ashton Kutcher Lea Michele New Years Eve Premiere
    Rico Jones
    Commented on this photo:

    Another ugly jew bitch that thinks she is hot. Look at that big jew honker.

  40. Arzach

    Lea is annoying but hot, just ideal for dirty hate sex, and she seems the type that would enjoy it.

  41. tlmck

    Considering the sum of the rest of the parts, I can overlook the nose.

  42. Ashton Kutcher Lea Michele New Years Eve Premiere
    Abner von Lung
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s a shame someone as pretty as her should have to have bowel movements. She should be exempt.

  43. charlie

    Ashton needs to give up the Hanson hair. Lea needs to give up the double chin. Demi’s hotter at 49 than this chick is at 25.

  44. Ashton Kutcher Lea Michele New Years Eve Premiere
    Marie C
    Commented on this photo:

    The dress was designed for some titties. Why is she in it??

  45. Ashton Kutcher Lea Michele New Years Eve Premiere
    Marie C
    Commented on this photo:

    Ashton needs to get rid of the greasy – haired – wanna – be- a- boho dude look. He needs to take himself more seriously. If he doesnt start behaving NIKON will get rid of him.

  46. Ashton Kutcher Lea Michele New Years Eve Premiere
    MissSwan
    Commented on this photo:

    Wait…wasn’t she a great big fat person?

  47. dd

    Lea Michele tries too hard. She’s flat-chested and really shouldn’t be wearing that dress at all. She makes this dress look kind of cheap.

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