Ashton Kutcher is Still Talking

January 11th, 2011 // 39 Comments

“I will Jesus these people on the ways of making love,” he thought before his mind turn to thoughts of wool hats. Oh, how he loved them.

Compounding the mistake of casting him in the first place, Asthon Kutcher has been doing promotional junkets for his new movie No Strings Attached where he’s been allowed to speak freely on sex, teaching kids orgasms and how he totally stopped doing crunches for a week because he’s an artist:

“For this movie, I intentionally didn’t work out. So stuff where I had my shirt off, I wasn’t really comfortable with myself.” – Extra

“Inherently, I find that having sex and intimacy, when it’s great, it’s funny.” – E! News

“Join me and vote Chomp for Best Mobile Application for the 2010 Crunchies awards! http://is.gd/kcaCA #crunchies” – Twitter

Okay, maybe that last one wasn’t so much a quote about the movie as $10 grand in Ashton’s pockets, but I think we all can agree it’s retarded and adds to the delicate tapestry I’ve woven here. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to write some stand-up for the next time I get laid because apparently that’s what I’ve been doing wrong. Ha! And my ex said it was premature ejaculation. Women.

Photos: Splash News

superficial

  1. yeah right

    First?

  2. He’s still not funny.

  3. Ashton is wearing the finest in douchebag wear as he heads over to finger fuck a grade school girl. He calls it mentoring.

  4. GravyLeg

    How the hell does this guy keep managing to escape and make public comments? He must have put a padlock on Demi’s sarcophagus.

  5. Wait, am I being Punk’d?

  6. Anon

    what the hell does he know about sex except for dropping his boxers and letting Demi pound his ass with her dildo?

  7. RoboZombie

    Biggest.Douche.Ever.

  8. mimi

    I’d hit it.

  9. lightdragon

    Ashton! the role for douche Sam winchester on “Supernatual” is over.

  10. adolf hitler

    So, uh… you got the wool cap on, huh? Yeah. Yeah, I guess, you know, whatever, it’s uh… 96 degrees out, you know. Better-better put on the old wool cap. Yeah. Got a lot, uh, going on under there, huh? Under, under the wool cap? Thinkin’ ’bout your sideburns? Yeah. No, no, no. You’re not a complete jackass. Yeah. Oh, hey, nice T-shirt. “PHRESH”. And-and it’s spelled with a “PH”. Oh, that’s fun ’cause it’s usually spelled with an “F”. Yeah. Oh, and you got a little tear in your pants there– oh, that’s on purpose, though, isn’t it? Yeah. Yeah, you’re a bad boy. You’re a bad boy. Society wants your pants to be intact. But you’re not just gonna listen, are you?

  11. Deve

    you know, he is one dude that I wish read all the derogatory stuff about him on boards or sites and just gave up. I’d love to sign a petition that banned this dude from the public like how they don’t want UWE directing any more flicks.

  12. I think the technical term for this is FACEPALM.

  13. Ashton Kutcher
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    All that cuteness is starting to flesh out & sag.
    At least he’s not Botoxing.
    Be good Ashton. Don’t get caught again.

  14. Jammy

    Am I the only one who thought he was Samantha Ronson?

  15. Ladies and gentlemen, meet your posterboy for “Hipster Wannabe Douche 2011″.

    I swear, if I was wearing that outfit, someone would probably try to give me a dollar.

  16. akewlazzmom

    I had that same look on my face, after putting off taking a shit for 5 days after the birth of my daughter.

  17. The Pope of Cleveland

    Wasn’t Keanu Reeves wearing that same outfit at the end of “Point Break”?

  18. He looks like he’s pouting because Demi took something away from him, like his dignity.

  19. bimbamboing

    A movie like that isn’t a bad idea at all.. Let the experts do the talking…..

  20. Nero

    I see lots of green in the make. Could be a potential blockbuster ….

  21. Aussie Mama

    I prefer him when he plays Kelso and keeps his mouth shut in the media. Love Kelso!

  22. Rhialto

    If this movie is what i think it is. I’ll be willing to pay more than generous for a ticket… A couple of decades ago this type of movie was one of my favorites…

  23. Galtacticus

    And … Who else is walking around with a ring as well …? Yes it is, true story.

  24. uncle bill

    ..and eating.
    ……………..and sleeping.
    ……………………………..and shitting.

    and all the other things.
    (life can be boring)

  25. mamamiasweetpeaches

    Hes lookin ever so hobo here!

    By the way, who the hells payin to see this guys movies?? SOMEBODY must be cuz they keep letting him make them!

  26. Rhialto

    Number 41 is 43 or 44 now. Don’t be afraid to send me the right answer.

  27. Ashton Kutcher
    Jessics
    Commented on this photo:

    He would be so hot if he never spoke.

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