Ashton Kutcher is Still Talking

“I will Jesus these people on the ways of making love,” he thought before his mind turn to thoughts of wool hats. Oh, how he loved them.

Compounding the mistake of casting him in the first place, Asthon Kutcher has been doing promotional junkets for his new movie No Strings Attached where he’s been allowed to speak freely on sex, teaching kids orgasms and how he totally stopped doing crunches for a week because he’s an artist:

“For this movie, I intentionally didn’t work out. So stuff where I had my shirt off, I wasn’t really comfortable with myself.” – Extra

“Inherently, I find that having sex and intimacy, when it’s great, it’s funny.” – E! News

“Join me and vote Chomp for Best Mobile Application for the 2010 Crunchies awards! #crunchies” – Twitter

Okay, maybe that last one wasn’t so much a quote about the movie as $10 grand in Ashton’s pockets, but I think we all can agree it’s retarded and adds to the delicate tapestry I’ve woven here. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to write some stand-up for the next time I get laid because apparently that’s what I’ve been doing wrong. Ha! And my ex said it was premature ejaculation. Women.

Photos: Splash News