Ashton Kutcher is Cheating on This
Seen here doing her best Buffalo Bill impression – “Would you fuck me? I’d fuck me. I’d fuck me hard.” – Demi Moore is apparently getting two-timed by Ashton Kutcher if you consider Star a reliable source, and that he’d be retarded enough to do it right outside of Madeo where Harvey Levin sleeps with a walkie talkie and a pair of binoculars:
“Ashton had this gorgeous girl pinned against the wall, and he was totally making out with her,” an eyewitness, who was on his way to the restroom tells Star. “I was shocked to see him sucking face with a girl who obviously wasn’t Demi.”
When Demi learns the truth of about the steamy session — which Ashton’s rep denied — it will be her worst fear come true.
“All along, Demi was told it would never work, that he’s going to cheat,” a friend tells Star. “When she finds out that it happened, she’ll be devastated.”
Ignoring whether or not any of this is true or not (It isn’t.), I’m pretty sure Demi Moore’s worst fear is less along the lines of Ashton Kutcher leaving her and more along the lines of having to duct tape her own chin back on. That’s probably the one keeping her up at night.
ASHTON: Demi, I cheated on you.
DEMI: Yeah, yeah, sure, sure. Is my forehead still attached? I feel drafty all of a sudden.
UPDATE: Ashton is already responding on Twitter, of course: “I think Star magazine calling me a “cheater” qualifies as defamation of character. I hope my lawyer agrees.” (Thanks to Chloe in the comments.)