Ashton Kutcher is The Saddest Millionaire Poonhound In The Whole Wide World

October 27th, 2011 // 44 Comments

Here’s a sad and forlorn Ashton Kutcher in New York yesterday where he somehow found himself still invited to last night’s GQ Gentlemen’s Ball despite banging a 22-year-old party girl on his sixth wedding anniversary to Demi Moore. Then again, they did discuss pressing political issues and just look at those pouty faces, he’s really sowwy. If these photos were a tweet, they’d probably read, “I’m a sad wittle gatekeeper without his mom-mom :( :(”

Photo: INFdaily, Splash News


  1. Can

    Is it time for a Sad Ashton meme? I hope not.

  2. josh

    I think this is the first time i’ve ever noticed how well another man is dressed.

    • RoboZombie

      Was it the hat? I’m guessing it was the hat.

    • Liz

      Yeah, I like the clothes. It’s just that the self pity makes me feel stabby.

    • TomFrank

      Wait—really? This is what you consider a well-dressed man?

    • Is there a well dressed man in this photo? Possibly one out of focus in the background?

      I will accept “dressing like a hipster douche” is in fashion…but under no circumstances will I allow that to be synonymous with “well dressed”. This is my line in the sand, beyond that is only mutually assured destruction.

      • Gilligan's Hat

        The hipster fashion mix is a trainwreck
        “Today I’ll wear a suit jacket and a tie,…WHOA,.I look too much like a normal guy, better flash this out with hmmm,..Oh yeah a jacket 1 size too short and,..and Hemp cap,..Oh yeah baby, now I’m just another kid on the quad, no way they can think I’m unhip now.”

        Every Ashton ensemble screams “Hi I’m a douche that’s just clashing fashion so I can pretend I’m Coldplay after hours”

        There are a LOT of celebrities who know how to dress well w/out going over the top or just going for scenester d-bag cred, He is NOT one of them.

    • Frank Burns

      Its not a purse! Its a European carry-all!

    • Mickey "The Duke " O' Shaunessy

      Nothing says ready for heavy action like a beanie and a Murse !

    • Venom

      That is well dressed?

    • Cock Dr

      I like the jacket, and the audacity to sling a manpurse.
      Everything else here, including what’s in it, is meh.

  3. If you were to kick out every person who picks up a little strange every now and again, you’d probably have no one in attendance at your GQ Gentlemen’s Ball.

    • Richard McBeef

      Aren’t “gentleman’s” clubs where gentlemen go to have random sluts grind on them and throw $100 bills around with the assumption that enough money she’ll let you bang her?

  4. rupert

    Keanu Reeves is not happy.

  5. KWDragon

    It’s like “Sad Keanu,” only with 50% more douchiness.

  6. RoboZombie

    Nothing a savage beating won’t cure.

  7. Fribble

    …and he’s still a douchy dressing, douchy douche.

  8. V

    Aaaaand not to mention that Two and a Half Men is starting to tank in ratings. way to ruin your own life, dickwad.

  9. Deacon Jones

    Time to take a vacation to Barcelona.

    Rent a big boat, pick up chicks, and get some really good kind bud. Hit up the harbor for some jumbo prawns. Dock and hit a couple of discos in the Gothic section at night. Bam!

  10. Fribble

    Plastic man with plastic acting marries (literally) plastic woman and… everyone’s surprised that it didn’t end well?
    Sorry, this is not my planet.

    • Have you seen Ashton “acting” at some point? All I’ve seen is a very Keanu-ish propensity for portraying the same goofy and mildly-retarded character over and over…which I suspect is just his actual personality.

  11. Snack pack

    Ashton Doucher and Courtney Stodden’s creepy old husband must have read the same “chicks dig beanies” memo.

    • Venom

      Yeah, but Doug actually seems fun and seems to be having fun unlike sulky boy who makes 1000 times more money than Doug.

  12. forrest gump

    get some rope……….
    ……… for a big tree.
    climb in the tree like monkees do.
    ……….put it around around your neck and do not forget to attach it to the tree.
    close your eyes & jump.

    ………… enjoyed living?

  13. Nelson Riddle

    Time for another campfire with Demi , so you can discuss banging January Jones and the other girls again?
    Boo hoo , so sad , why don’t you volunteer at a soup kitchen so you can see real people with real , day to day problems cope .

    • Shaquile Jefferson

      Is he sad because it’s the holiday season and he won’t be able to openly have is love child with January Jones at his holiday gatherings?

  14. anonymous

    it must cost ashton a lot of money to look this homeless.

  15. Zip it UP - or - Don't Whine When the Sh*t Hits

    Awwwwww, him’s a sad widdle boy since him wuz caught with him’s pant down — *Sniffle*

  16. Frank Burns

    It must be “punchable face” day on The Superficial – first Michael Lohan, then Ashton Kutcher, then Dough Hutchison . . .

  17. kimmykimkim

    I want to smash his nads. Really, really badly. Make them pop like itty bitty balloons.

    • Schmidtler

      Please do. Then post here, and provide a link for contributions to your legal defense fund, and another link to pre-order your soon to be bestselling book “I punched douchehole kutcher right in his ‘nads”. FYI, when you go to look for Ashton’s ‘nads, don’t forget to check Demi’s purse.

  18. kate

    Oh sad, sad panda. He wasn’t too sad on his anniversary. He’s so gross!

  19. dee cee

    Please quit hounding me, so I leave that crazy-clingy-nagging old woman who is driving me nutz with her schizophrenic psycho narcissistic paranoid delusional disorders and let me be freeeee!?

  20. Sarah W

    This is the expression his publicist told him to walk around in public to garner as much possible public sympahthy. This is the best acting he’s done in a while but it’s still a major FAIL! Not buying it dude. Hope Demi has enough $ to keep you kept for the rest of your life because you are over my man.

  21. Demi can do better!

    This mediocre overpaid “actor” is sad he got caught cheating on his wife? Cry me a frigging river!

  22. Aleina

    He should learn from this 17years old Christian Owens.

  23. monks

    He is dressed very well. Looks good .still a douche

  24. Lindsay

    I immediately thought there was a roach on his hand.

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