Ashton Tweeted Demi! And Purchased Gasoline! SAVE ME, WOLF BLITZER!

October 11th, 2011 // 18 Comments

Seen here at a gas station on THIS VERY DAY WE LIVE AND BREATHE – The Superficial: Live, Breaking, Relevant.Ashton Kutcher apparently sent two Twitter communications to Demi Moore last night, sending the Earth spinning off its axis:

- Big night for TV #twoandahalfmen Bears vs Lions and @mrskutcher’s 5. My tivo might explode.
- @mrskutcher good luck tonight! you should be proud

As of this post, Demi has yet to respond to either tweet, but experts say she may have left her Blackberry in her other purse and/or is too busy dying way sooner than Ashton Kutcher. In related news, I just bought a sandwich from Panera. It came with a pickle, and early reports are suggesting the presence of chips. Story developing…


Photos: Splash News

The Superficial is in Clusterf@ck! Mode this week. Normal posting resumes Mon, Oct 17.


  1. This just in – Ashton forgot to open the gas cap door. I repeat – Ashton forgot to open the gas cap door. He’s going inside his car to fix this now…

  2. Buddy the Elf

    Wonder how long the Crypt Keeper will keep that Twitter name?

  3. sobrietyisacrutch

    Mr. Pickle offers your choice of potato, mac or coleslaw salad with your sandwich. Chips are extra. However, pickles are not even on the menu.
    That is very odd…

    • TomFrank

      Well, of course pickles are not on the menu. You’re asking Mr. Pickle to endorse the murder of his own kind? You don’t see a cow as a mascot for McDonald’s, or a chicken for KFC! Sicko.

  4. TMZ is reporting he is about to make a cell phone call WHILE PUMPING GAS!!!!!

  5. This just in …. Ashton Kutcher buys Slim Jim and a bag of pretzels at gas station. Back to you, Matt.

  6. Did Ashton Kutcher leave with the giant chunk of wood that was attached to the restroom key to carve a kabbalah talisman for Demi? Only ET knows for sure.

  7. Today on The View, Woopie Goldberg discusses Ashton Kutcher’s sweater.

  8. Is Ashton Kutcher dating Amanda Knox? Find out on MTV News

  9. Liz

    And of course NOW they’re keeping schtum.

    A piece of helpful and completely unsolicited advice: You want privacy while you’re trying/pretend trying to look good in divorce court to keep your marriage form falling off a cliff? You might have helped your case more if you hadn’t spent the last six years attention whoring. Just sayin’.

    • This just in. Ashton tweets that he is not an attention whore, just a guy trying to make a living doing what he does best: Playing semi-retarded goofballs with great abs.

  10. Venom

    The death throes of a relationship….
    He was probably getting a bj from some 22 year old chick that he met on the set while he was tweeting that.

  11. Valley of the Gun

    Don’t these two have cell phones. They need to stop tweeting each other, and call each other, and get a room. Just go away…..

  12. forrest gump

    pst: this is the most important breaking news of california.

  13. forrest gump

    pst: this is the most important breaking news in california.

  14. browny

    Publicity stunt. the whole thing was cooked up bc of douche bag’s new gig at 2 1/2 … and it is absolute shite, so he needs all the publicity he can get. guy is a talentless idiot who is TOO OLD to playing the sort of role he is playing. Also, he is fugly.

    • Burt

      I agree. Young people fall for it because they aren’t mature enough in their relationships to understand that with love comes sacrifice and acceptance. It’s really not that difficult for them to stay apart for a few weeks since they are mature adults and they are accustomed to doing so because of their careers. Heck, I know happily married couples who live halfway around the world from one another for many years while the mother accompanies the kids who are studying abroad. As a matter of fact, my lovely wife and I are considering doing just that while I stay here in Asia to complete my PhD and she moves back to North America with our kid so he can go to school there.

  15. cc

    I see he’s been raiding the clothing donation boxes outside the supermarket.

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