That’s Not Demi Moore…

Lauren Conrad?

Here’s Ashton Kutcher leaving the Roosevelt last night with a mystery blonde woman I’m going to assume isn’t Demi Moore unless her plastic surgeon is that good. Anyway, you’d figure Ashton Kutcher would’ve learned his lesson from the Brittney Jones fiasco, but let’s flowchart this bitch out: Say you just landed an insane sitcom gig netting you millions of dollars when all logic and reason suggests you should be the new Corey Feldman by now. Would you want to celebrate with a.) your middle-aged wife whose face could literally fall off at any second revealing she was Bruce Willis all along, or b.) some random young hottie who’ll also have sex with you just for your money? I don’t know about you guys, but let’s explore that Bruce Willis option some more. Will he/she say “Yippie-ki-yay, motherfucker?” that last one. The last one.

UPDATE 9.30.11: Allegedly this is Sara Leal, the chick at the center of the latest Ashton Kutcher cheating rumors and most likely the last nail in the coffin of his marriage.

Photo: Pacific Coast News