That’s Not Demi Moore…

June 2nd, 2011 // 37 Comments

Lauren Conrad?

Here’s Ashton Kutcher leaving the Roosevelt last night with a mystery blonde woman I’m going to assume isn’t Demi Moore unless her plastic surgeon is that good. Anyway, you’d figure Ashton Kutcher would’ve learned his lesson from the Brittney Jones fiasco, but let’s flowchart this bitch out: Say you just landed an insane sitcom gig netting you millions of dollars when all logic and reason suggests you should be the new Corey Feldman by now. Would you want to celebrate with a.) your middle-aged wife whose face could literally fall off at any second revealing she was Bruce Willis all along, or b.) some random young hottie who’ll also have sex with you just for your money? I don’t know about you guys, but let’s explore that Bruce Willis option some more. Will he/she say “Yippie-ki-yay, motherfucker?” that last one. The last one.

UPDATE 9.30.11: Allegedly this is Sara Leal, the chick at the center of the latest Ashton Kutcher cheating rumors and most likely the last nail in the coffin of his marriage.

Photo: Pacific Coast News

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  1. durr

    Are you insinuating that he’s not gay? The crossed-arm death-stare from his bromance buddies suggests otherwise.

  2. Coyote

    Are the two morons in front of him supposed to be bodyguards, boy I am so scared!

    • vitobonespur

      Beware. Guys like that usually have black belts in Biting and Scratching. I actually heard of one who also had a brown belt in Socking and Purse Wielding. They’re not just pretty faces, ya know…

  3. The lack of dust clouds billowing from under her skirt was my first clue it wasn’t Demi Moore.

  4. Ashton Kutcher Cheating
    Commented on this photo:

    Did someone just get served?

  5. bout time he hooked hisself a young filly. why the fuck are you in entertainment if not for the groupies? love of the arts?? one cracks oneself up..

  6. Abby Normal

    Ashton isn’t worried, his Mom won’t ask for a divorce.

  7. It had to be said

    No, Demi keeps her beard better groomed. That’s Ashton Kutcher. Sheesh, you’d think Fish would know that.

  8. Abby Normal

    Please tell us Ashton, is your position as royal stud to the Chin Dynasty starting to lose it’s lustre?

  9. That's Retarded

    that’s retarded

  10. God is Black

    Ashton Kutcher is gay? No,No, but he does have the “Dude” gene.What’s that? Since man was walking on 2 legs, we will always go for younger pussy especially as we get older and have the $ to do so.This cougar stuff is bullshit! Ladies do you think the younger guy is really going to grow old with you! It is the fore-mentioned gene that dictates the sexual behaviour of Leo, Hefner ,Trump, Douglas etc that commands them to f_ck as many young pussy b4 dementia set in! I believe it applies to gays- Gianni Versace

  11. whiskeyafternoon

    Tom Brady has really gotten out of shape in the offseason.

  12. Deacon Jones

    Pretty hot, but I can tell just by her facial expressions she’s a shitty lay.

    She will get pinned as the quasi-bodyguard’s girlfriend. Obviously.

  13. Rancid

    No wonder the girl looks pissy, she is completely surrounded by drips and dorks. Not a man to be found.

  14. Ashton Kutcher Cheating
    Gene
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s in the back seat Doofus. He’s not. Come on, let’s say he does know what the kitty tastes like – with this as evidence even I could lie my way out of it.

  15. RoboZombie

    God this guy is a douche…just LOOK at him. Idiot.

  16. the captain

    no no no, THIS IS A YOUNG WOMAN FOR REAL!!!!!!!!!!

  17. cc

    Hmmm, looks a bit like Una Healy from the second to last ‘The Crap We Missed’…but with less tit.

  18. Ashton Kutcher Cheating
    Commented on this photo:

    If I were a rich man, yada-deeda-yada-deeda-yada-da.

  19. I find his homeless scraggle beard distracting. Put him in a plaid shirt, tucked into a pair of dockers and I’d swear that girl was going straight to the homemade “rec room” underneath his tool shed.

  20. Alex

    Whatever Demi is hot. This girl doesnt have the same X factor that Demi does – even if she is half her age

  21. shoe

    Are thise body guards going to bust out into some irish clog dancing

  22. Les

    Com on guys, its just research….

  23. cc

    my bodyguard is the skinny guy in glasses carrying Voss water = no one has ever really threatened me but I feel obliged to have someone march around in front of me

  24. Com on guys that’s Austin! I know her from school and I bet she was just out clubbing with Ashton. She wouldn’t be dating some body guard

  25. Slinger

    lol at the bodyguards

  26. Jess

    Jerk!

  27. Ashton Kutcher Cheating
    lmao
    Commented on this photo:

    No guilty looks there…..

  28. lily

    They have an open marriage, idiots. They’ve stated it numerous times.

  29. Ashton Kutcher Cheating
    IKE
    Commented on this photo:

    Winning!

  30. Dominique

    seems like he thinks: ‘why shouldn’t I hav sum fun too in life? I mean comon he’s livin a dull & borin life, always at work always on the run, always pleasin some woman called D.M. who keeps spendin his money & his time & his energy. He’s seems to be wakin up, dear God. I hope it’s true!

  31. Ashton Kutcher Cheating
    Dominique
    Commented on this photo:

    officially she’s not sittin in front, but somehow I get the impression they might….have done it again. WoW, hes such a good actor! Shes not bad lookin either. What will wifey say to this disastor? Demi don’t believe him!

  32. Kristen

    The chick in this picture is Lauren Conrad from ‘The Hills.’

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