Ashley Olsen lands provocative role

August 30th, 2007 // 53 Comments

Ashley Olsen has landed a role in “The Informers” an adaptation of the Bret Easton Ellis novel. The movie also stars Billy Bob Thornton and Kim Basinger, who, up until now, I assumed was dead. Reuters reports on the film’s premise:

Set in 1980s Los Angeles, the script follows seven stories taking course during a week in the life of a movie executive, his wife, his mistress, a rock star, a vampire and a kidnapper. Thornton will play the movie executive, and Basinger his wife. “Superman star Brandon Routh has been cast as the vampire, while Ashley Olsen will play a sexually promiscuous girl.

Okay, so who is Ashley’s character being promiscuous with? Clearly not the vampire because, let’s face it, you can’t suck blood out of a mummy. It has to be a coma patient. A really, really deep into a coma patient. I’m talking this guy will die in about one second. That’s how bad his coma is. But you know, even under those conditions, getting it on with an Olsen twin? I’m just not buying it. Now if Ashley played the vampire, and Brandon Routh played the promiscuous girl, that would be totally believable. I’d think I was watching CNN, that’s how believable it’d be.


  1. Awww, Not This Crap Again!

    Well, you naysayers, if Nicole Richie can get knocked up, I guess it’s believable that an Olsen twin can play a skank! I guess there are SOME guys out there who will do a bony twig of a chick, whether or not he’s on drugs!

    I’m not psychic, but I’m thinking this “movie” will be a box office FAILURE!

  2. TheExpatriot

    Where did she land the role? On her huge pucker?

  3. Brinkman

    I’d fuck her just to say I did. Then I’d sell my story to whomever would buy it to fund the treatment of my PTSD.

Leave A Comment