Ashley Olsen lands provocative role

August 30th, 2007 // 53 Comments

Ashley Olsen has landed a role in “The Informers” an adaptation of the Bret Easton Ellis novel. The movie also stars Billy Bob Thornton and Kim Basinger, who, up until now, I assumed was dead. Reuters reports on the film’s premise:

Set in 1980s Los Angeles, the script follows seven stories taking course during a week in the life of a movie executive, his wife, his mistress, a rock star, a vampire and a kidnapper. Thornton will play the movie executive, and Basinger his wife. “Superman star Brandon Routh has been cast as the vampire, while Ashley Olsen will play a sexually promiscuous girl.

Okay, so who is Ashley’s character being promiscuous with? Clearly not the vampire because, let’s face it, you can’t suck blood out of a mummy. It has to be a coma patient. A really, really deep into a coma patient. I’m talking this guy will die in about one second. That’s how bad his coma is. But you know, even under those conditions, getting it on with an Olsen twin? I’m just not buying it. Now if Ashley played the vampire, and Brandon Routh played the promiscuous girl, that would be totally believable. I’d think I was watching CNN, that’s how believable it’d be.


  1. donkey ass

    First again chumps

  2. BLA


  3. SMRT?

    Alright, lets see the routine she uses with her coke dealer when she needs a fix

  4. teeteetdot

    Sexually promiscuous? Isn’t Ashley Olsen 12 years old?

  5. Bill Clinton

    I’d hit it.

  6. the new dude

    whoever thinks anybody is dead is a dead beat lol, we all have our own lives and we do our own shit, nobody will ever be dead lol, maybe umm, tom cruise for his depression thing, mel gibson for like bein drunk discriminatin jews and ummm kramer for nero hatin lol

  7. kdfkj

    I agree, the olsen twin should be a vampire. She’s so starving she looks undead.

  8. no1justminda

    Oh, that’s her role? I thought that was everyday…

  9. mabbo

    Well her character should be promiscuous with Brandon Routh’s character…but this is Hollywood, a place run by dirty old white men. So no doubt her character will probably have explicit sex scenes with Billy Bob Thornton, a man old enough to be her…uh…one of the founding fathers of America? Hmmm.

  10. justplainconfused

    It may not be saying much, but she looks healthier than Mary-Kate did the last time MK showed up here. Their careers must both be on life support. MK is making out with Ben Kingsly, and now Ashley sounds like she’s doing a skin movie.

  11. alf oldland

    “sexually promiscuous,” borders on redundancy in colloquial dialogue.

    brandon routh is gay — and unlikeable. this will be one of a very few chances he has to develop his essentially stillborn film career.

    the olsen twins and their dualstar label are like media diseases. i guess a few billion goes a long way.



  12. Lexoka

    Wow she’s really scary… Her eyes and everything… She looks like some sort of evil nazi demon ghost or something.

  13. the new dude

    whoever thinks anybody is dead is a dead beat lol, we all have our own lives and we do our own shit, nobody will ever be dead lol, maybe umm, tom cruise for his depression thing, mel gibson for like bein drunk discriminatin jews and ummm kramer for nero hatin lol

  14. Hemlock Queen

    What acting? Everyone knows that neither of them can’t act. I guess on the plus side is if one dies from anorexia, you can pop another one in and no one would be the wiser. Except us.

  15. #13: We heard you the first time, fuckstick.

  16. jimena

    i love you, “Superficial” guy!!! your comments always make me smile and/or laugh!!! that Terminator thing about LiLo was brilliant also…!
    love from Spain ;)

  17. Riotboy

    DO NOT WANT!!!

  18. John

    She’s spotty.

  19. mommamia

    Why do her lips always look like that in any picture EVER taken of her?

  20. 1MILF Hunter

    Please, no nude scenes. It’d would look like an adult man and a 12 year old boy with long hair.

  21. tommy salami

    i wonder if the joker from batman is her biological father…..look at those lips………

  22. tommy salami

    i bet she will be in rehab soon……………..she looks like a duck on cocaine(TM)

  23. tommy salami

    its ashley…………… the crack smoking duck……….

  24. J

    Does anyone else think that she goes to the same plastic surgeon as Jenna Jameson….cause they have the SAME FACE

  25. ZA

    Not sure about Jenna Jameson, maybe a little 70 year old lady I see at the post office. These two seriously need to get the medal for worst aged child actors.

  26. ***

    ashley should definitely play the vampire! that would be like no work at all for the makeup artist. that’s a good way to save some money!

  27. What do you want?!

    Is “The Informers” a new Bret Easton Ellis’s novel? I love this fag’s books in a strange way. Strange, because I feel ashamed to admit it. Like liking the pickles in McDonald’s burgers.

  28. cocaKelli

    13 “kramer for nero hating”?
    I was Nero hating too but turned out my drive was broke. Gotta do updates too. Dick.

  29. Jillia

    New dude,

    We like people that can create sentences and form complete thoughts. For your next posts, please refrain from writing one long rambling mess. Thanks!

  30. jrzmommy

    can a wigged, walking cadaver be sexually provocative?

  31. lemon tree

    #25 – That’s EXACTLY what I thought when I saw this pic. TWO DUCK FACE girls – what are the odds?!?!?!?!

  32. BaldAsBritney

    Straight to video

  33. M

    OMG I hate dat freakin pout they do..I mean smile or do NOTHING! I used to love watching them when I was little but seriously what the HECK do they do now???

  34. MOM

    I can’t see myself ever watching a movie of either of the Olsen’s that isn’t a cute twin story. Sorry, but they were so much more interesting as little girls being cute little girls. Like “It Takes Two;” that was a nice movie.

  35. Clementines

    Don’t do it Kim.. !

  36. She looks like she just saw a big penis in every picture. She’s scared of being cracked in half like a walnut.

  37. only 8 more years till shes legal….

    awww those were the days.. remember the countdown– what happened !!

    eat bitch eat!


    ~ 420 ~

  38. Loveknuckle

    America should be ashamed of itself for making these trolls famous and rich. Shame

  39. mafme

    Re: “Duckface”
    I was wondering who started this trend and how much it would cost to have that person thoroughly beaten. It’s unattractive, but I fear that it will become attractive through attrition… seriously, it keeps me up at night.

  40. mafme

    …and not up in the way I’d like.

  41. Kill Yourself


  42. kymelle

    Her eyes are scary beautiful. I’m totally jealous

  43. Clementines

    Ashley’s the promiscuous girl?Billy Bob Thornton?!!! Kim get out of this movie! Run Kim run! Spoiler alert… >>>>>

    “In this seductive and chillingly nihilistic new book, Bret Easton Ellis, the author of American Psycho, returns to Los Angeles, the city whose moral badlands he portrayed unforgettably in Less Than Zero. The time is the early eighties. The characters go to the same schools and eat at the same restaurants. Their voices enfold us as seamlessly as those of DJ’s heard over a car radio. They have sex with the same boys and girls and buy from the same dealers. In short, they are connected in the only way people can be in that city.

    Dirk sees his best friend killed in a desert car wreck, then rifles through his pockets for a last joint before the ambulance comes. Cheryl, a wannabe newscaster, chides her future stepdaughter, “You’re tan but you don’t look happy.” Jamie is a clubland carnivore with a taste for human blood. As rendered by Ellis, their interactions compose a chilling, fascinating, and outrageous descent into the abyss beneath L.A.’s gorgeous surfaces.”

    (—taken from the back of the book, The Informers)

  44. Max

    Look slike we have another candidate for a DUCK!

  45. Justin

    She totally ripped that face off from Derek Zoolander.

  46. Poor Ashley

    Her mouth reminded me of my mouth years ago when my dentist injected too much novocaine.

  47. jill

    honestly, this post didnt even make sense. where did the funny writer go?

  48. herbiefrog

    ok…hit self over head…

    get out “two of a kind” dvd’s

    restore image of mka that makes sense

    …and rest

  49. LauraE

    Someone stole Chanel’s fonts (background)

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