Ashley Olsen brought in for show and tell

November 14th, 2007 // 55 Comments

Lance Armstrong’s daughter brought his new girlfriend Ashley Olsen to school for show and tell. Usually kids bring in things like rocks, frogs or their dad’s porn collection. But his girlfriend? I dunno. Radar reports:

One of the part-eunuch biker’s young daughters (he has twins) had the honor of taking a more realistic (though slightly less boobtastic) Barbie to her class for observation. Yes, daddy’s lady love Ashley Olsen was recently shown and told about at the young girl’s Texas school.
“Celebrities do this all the time,” the source said.

Wow, I learned a lot from that article. Especially about Lance Armstrong’s missing testicle and Ashley Olsen’s small boobs. These two will make a great couple, you know, because they lack the necessary body parts to have sex. Which is good. Saves them from an evening of disappointment, crying and, I’ll assume based on Ashley’s outfit, archeology. Or cattle herding. I can’t decide, but I do know it will involve scarfs.

Photos: Getty Images

  1. ToTellTheTruth

    Bitch looks cracked out.

  2. Geoff

    Don’t bother checking her stomach for his missing testicle. Its a preexisting condition.

  3. Gross. Fuck Lance. He left his wife after all the shit she did for him, and now he’s dating this?

  4. WTF?

    What do you mean oberservation? They are in the same elementary school class!

  5. She always looks malnourished. Pale and dry….

  6. WTF?

    (sp) observation

  7. veggi

    I respect Lance. He came back from cancer to become the greatest champion in the history of his sport. He knows how to be aggressive when it’s necessary to win. His old, fat, nagging wife? Gone. A true champ aint got time for that noise. Hooks up with Sheryl Crow, she gets boob cancer. GONE. Say what you will, but any honest guy would tell you he’d do the same thing – take Ashley’s small but natural and healthy mini-boobs over Sheryl’s sagging sacks of scars and radiation burns. She beat cancer too? Good for you, says Lance…now beat it. Those standards are what makes him a champion.

  8. Summer Kat

    They are dating!!?! No way….why Lance why?

  9. Sizzurp

    Her and her sister are like Tim Burton characters, only skinnier.

  10. yukadoozer

    Day of the Dead was the 31st-as in Halloween…she missed the parade.
    Lance is a superduper kalifragilisticexpialidocious looooooosssser.

  11. veggi

    7- you are seriously pathetic..

    alright ya fuckers, I’m off to the bar..

  12. thatgirl

    hey veggi…lance and sheryl broke up before she found out she had cancer. if you are going to bring up his past relationships, at least know what the hell you are talking about.

    and on another note, is ashley’s nose brown in this picture? like “i was a scarecrow for halloween” brown?

  13. thatgirl

    oh. so apparently you’re an imposter of the real veggi. my apologies. so whoever you are #7, you’re a moron.

  14. SallyPopkorn

    you can have sex without boobs.

  15. Ted from LA

    veggi’s troll is a usless piece of shit. Get over yourself dude. You aren’t funny.

  16. veggi

    Ted, lay off dude, you’re obsession with me is off-putting. I don’t swing that way.

  17. Guy

    Brown nose

  18. veggi

    Oh Ted, you’re my hero! Thanks for saving me! Let’s fuck!

    …dreams Ted

  19. kagres

    YUCK! it looks like someone punched her in the nose

  20. ScuttlingCrab

    I like Veggi’s troll. The rest of you are morons, look at your comments and compare them with his. He at least makes a point.

  21. nothing wrong

    If you think Ashley is ugly thats fine, but lay off the small boobs. Theres absolutely nothing wrong with having small boobs, in fact they have their advantages!

  22. #20, why? Is it you, shuttlecrap?? Otherwise why do you assume that it is male?

  23. Lance

    After I recovered from surgery, a Zoroastrian named Wilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. I mean, testicle. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum. It’s breathtaking… I highly suggest you try it.

  24. Ted from LA

    Weird – last night I had a dream where, right at a critical moment, FRIST said “Is it you, shuttlecrap?”

  25. man!!!! her nose looks like it is falling/rotting away


  26. man!!!! her nose looks like it is falling/rotting away


  27. man!!!! her nose looks like it is falling/rotting away


  28. Splooge

    21 You are so full of shit. Small boobs are terrible. They’re pathetic. Any woman who is not naturally gifted in the boob department and doesn’t want to pay for implants is a pathetic loser!!
    Any guy that says he prefers small boobs is a closet gay, who will one day realize hey I don’t like boobs at all, I like manly chest hair!!

  29. mamadough

    God, she’s just vapid, isn’t she? i wonder if they bang while watching re-runs of “full house”…..i hope she gets cancer and has to loose half of a pussy lip….then they would belong together.

  30. TS

    OK, although I don’t necessarily agree with Veggi’s troll, I can see the logic there. That’s an honest point of view held by many men (especially ultra-competetive ones). And although heartless, not all that uncommon. Not something needed to be said under the guise of being someone else. Sack up, man, and make your point as yourself, don’t be a pussy. You sound intelligent enough to defend yourself. Now if you’d just grow some nuts…

    #12, relax, you must be new here, otherwise you’d know that you’re talking to someone pretending to be someone else. Sit back and observe til you figure it out.

    Another Don Julio Anejo please.

  31. s0fa

    at one time she just looked like a skeletor. now she just looks like a crack whore. maybe not even a crack whore cause she’s not remotely hot, but just a crackhead

    28 – ppl with small boobs are pathetic AND losers? wow.

  32. Splooge

    31 – glad you’re agreeing with me!!

  33. Ript1&0

    The scarves are there to tie Lance up like the bitch that he is. She’s gotta have them at all times, ready for the moment…. it could be any minute now.

    He’s hard to catch, they say he’s pretty light on his feet, but the second she wrangles him off that bike that one testicle is all hers, baby.

  34. dan

    umm.. did lance send her to Sheryl Crowe look alike camp?

  35. L.Linus

    You guy are truely heartless about Lance’s wife. Who know if she a nag or not. She supported his ass through thick and thin and he dump her like a sack of shit. Sheryl Crowe , well she just sucked and had too much Hollyweird in her. Ashley Olsen, damn I agree with #3 DoD, does she even have a vagina. I don’t care if she has small boobs, that’s fine, but has she even had sex. Oh Lance, you’re my first, shit that got to make your day, not!!

  36. NeverHappy

    This girl never smiles. How does she get work in Hollywood? It can’t be cause of her blow jobs. She never smiles.

  37. LL

    At the risk of seeming quaint and old-fashioned, isn’t he, like, twice her age? At some point, when you’re old enough, you look like your girlfriend’s dad, it’s kinda icky. I don’t expect anyone with a penis to agree, but whatever. She doesn’t look like she’s reached puberty, but surely she could do better, at least get someone within 10 years of her age and not an old dude with one testicle.

  38. T

    she has a pimple on her eyebrow

  39. 23apples

    WHO CARES ABOUT HER BOOBS, WHAT IS GOING ON WITH HER BROWN NOSE??? Is this on purpose or does she have a disease?

  40. bri

    what the hell is wrong with her nose?

  41. Dave

    Bad gal. Now she is dating a young good-looking guy on millionaire dating site ( What will her father say?

  42. Unlikeable J

    She looks like something you would find at a midwestern cattle ranch after a dust storm
    And would the real Veggi please stand up?

  43. FRT

    Man o man are there a lot of FREAKS out there! And the Olsen twins are 2 of them! Man…”one-nut” must be into the look-at-me-I’m-just-a-pasty-white-young-porno-slut-and-I’ll-pretend-to-be-a-school-girl-for-you!

    Sterioids must have fried his brain as well as his nuts!

  44. Danklin24

    Its SCARVES you nincompoop.

  45. jolin

    pretty gloden hair and warm clothes. i heard that her profile on a dating line called is very popular, may friends told me that her photos there are sexy. i can not imagine, because this one is casual and fashinable.

  46. I have had sex

    the writer must be a virgin, because boobs are not necessary for sex.

  47. i have had sex

    people who have giant boobs are usually fat or whores (implants) and have stretch marks on their tits. giant boob lovers are usually truck drivers and white trash and teenage boys who are so inexperienced that they only notice that difference between men and women. large boobs are ok, medium, and small… especially when the woman has a nice figure and pretty face and isn’t sloppy idiot trash.

  48. Hannah T

    Squillions of dollars and yet no hairbrush in sight. *Sigh*

  49. Lisa

    She look like that kid from the jim henson movie “DARK CRYSTAL”

  50. JayJayJay from Uruguay

    #35 she has a vagina. I stuck my tongue in it the other day. mmmm…… creamy

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