Dude, You’d Be All Over Ashley Graham, Shut The Fuck Up

On Monday, I posted the 2016 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit covers, and like clockwork, dudes couldn’t wait to comment on how “gross” they think Ashley Graham is and/or mask their asshatness with concerns about her health. And probably there was a time when this site was a safe haven for that kind of cock-dickery (I was young and I needed the money!), so let me just make it clear what everyone thinks when they see you complain about having “fat models shoved down your throat.”

You’d be all over that shit in a heartbeat.

And not in some macho, frat boy “Fuck yeah, bro, I slammed that pig then told her to stop eating cheeseburgers” way, but in whatever way lets you have sex with her again and again. You’d lick her feet clean if it meant your penis got to go in because that is the reality of life. Not that you’re the Lord of all that you survey, but that you’re a lonely, angry dude on the Internet who’ll do or say whatever it takes to get his dick wet. That is your plot in life. I know it (because I’m right here paddling the same boat), you know it, and everyone else knows it in neon fucking letters when you hop in a comment thread and start going off about heart disease. Jesus Christ, I don’t even care about my own health that much. *pulls out fistful of Chipotle receipts* Who does this?!

@si_swimsuit #siswim #beautybeyondsize 👙💦☀️

A photo posted by A S H L E Y G R A H A M (@theashleygraham) on

All up in that = you.

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