Ashlee Simpson’s dad selling rights to baby pics

April 17th, 2008 // 44 Comments

Joe Simpson, that old codger, is at it again. This time around he’s trying to broker deals with the tabloids to get daughter Ashlee on the cover when her baby is born. Pete Wentz denied the pregnancy rumors right after the news broke this week. But Joe’s wheeling and dealing seems to be the nail in the coffin. Or penis in the vagina, if you will. Page Six reports:

A magazine source said, “Joe is contacting all the weeklies and asking them to pony up $1 million to put Ashlee on the cover. The deal would include photos of Ashlee – taken by Joe, of course, so he can make more money – an interview and photos of the baby when she has it,” our source said.

Sadly, for Joe it turns out Ashlee Simpson isn’t big news ah shit what? Dammit, too late now:

One magazine editor said the pictures would fetch “$60,000 maybe – but definitely not a million. The timing is a little suspicious. Her album ['Bittersweet World'] is dropping next week, and there was little to no interest until now. Ashlee’s lucky she got pregnant, frankly.”

Whoa whoa whoa, “lucky” to get pregnant? C’mon, that’s not cool. Nobody’s ever “lucky” to get pregnant. That’s like saying, “Oh, wow, Bill’s lucky to have pancreatic cancer.” Jesus, man, have a heart.

Photos: Splash News
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  1. Jrz

    …obviously he’s selling the rights to squirrel away for the child’s college education…………..right?

  2. sandwich maker

    If any man of mine wore that fucking sweatshirt, I’d kick him square in the vagina. What the fuck, man?????

    On that note, she looks pretty….

  3. veggi

    I guess today is “Cherry Popping Daddies Day”

  4. anon

    Now Joe’s opting to whore his other daughter out to the media…

    Well what else are fathers for?

    Such a happy family.

  5. noneyobeezwax

    wait a sec, i’m confused. i thought the girl in the sweet looking teal sweatshirt was the pregnant one.

  6. I know stuff

    @3 You are not veggi stupid fuck.

  7. Jrz

    Breaking News:
    Ashlee Simpson Devoured by Strange, Teal, Homosexual Zebra

  8. sandwich maker

    7 hahahahaha!!! well done Jrz.

  9. Wendy

    Britney’s perpetual chinzits should move over to Ashlee, it’d be much roomier.

  10. Jumpin_J

    Boy, it’s good to know her album will be dropping next week… right into the $1.99 cutout bin. Seriously, aside being the sister to a girl with big boobies, has she done anything?

  11. Alicia

    It’s so nice when older sisters are not afraid to go out in public with their mentally challenged little brothers.

  12. Anonymous

    Jumpin_J: She has absolutely done something. She got booed by 70,000 people at the Orange Bowl. That’s a fucking accomplishment, dammit!

  13. Jrz

    BREAKING NEWS:
    Centipe adn Millipede Devoured by Strange, Teal Homosexual Zebra to the Delight of Millions.

    God, I hate that shit you post.

  14. Barack Obama

    What the hell is the deal with the annying fucking sound commercials?! That shit san’t get shut off. Change pleeaaaaaase!!!!

  15. Rachael

    Is that William Hung (the american idol she bangs guy) behind them?

  16. Miserable Bastard

    Apparently Pete Wentz camez.

  17. Ted Mosby

    I bet Joe brokers the deal, impregnates Ashlee and then pockets all the money while running off with Jessica.

  18. Jeezy

    These two lesbians look like dudes.

  19. Auntie Kryst

    @18 That was funny!! On another note, I wan’t to register my disdain for all douchefuckers that use the word “dropping” instead of simply saying going on sale. It’s as bad as the little fuckers that use the word “hater.” Jebus that word drives me up a wall.

  20. Oh, Fishy…. I’m addicted to your stories, which is odd ‘cos I don’t have an addictive personality..

  21. Do_FreeBird

    Dad’s firing up the turkey baster as we speak.

  22. Quinn

    a round of chinplants for all her friends.

  23. sandwich maker

    I find it odd that the word “pic” is at the end of the story title..

  24. Jessie

    “he is falling in love with a pretty girl he saw in the mirror”

    LMAO! That’s our Fall Out Boy, all right!

  25. DaddyLovesMeBetter

    Doesn’t anyone else find it funny that when it came to Jessica that Daddy Joe wanted her to remain a virgin until she married, but Ashley, who is younger, can go out, have premarital sex with ALL of her boyfriends, and get knocked up out of wedlock? Where’s the reasoning behing THAT theory?? Huh.

  26. Wolf Blitzer

    Hey look! It’s Hillary (Pete) and Barack (Ashlee)!

  27. veggi

    #27 – Jimbo answered that in the last thread about Lindsay:

    “There’s nothing quite like fucking your firstborn.”

  28. I know stuff

    @29 you are not veggi you fucking dipshit. And that wasn’t Jimbo that said that. That was a troll. Most presumably you.

  29. veggi

    Awwww, how sweet. #30 believes it has relationships on the internet. So cute.

  30. anon

    Anyone else think Ashlee kinda looks like a redheaded Paris Hilton in the first picture? I think it might be the vacant, dead behind the eyes expression that does it.

  31. How Low Can He Go?

    Are the rights to the kid’s virginity up for sale as well?

  32. STeve

    Doesn’t Pete look like a little Pillsbury Dough Boy or Stay-Puff marshmallow man……odd couple they are….

  33. That’s Klassy with a capital “K”

  34. isitin

    God I hate emo people. Ashlee has turned into an ugly emo thing. And Wentz is already an ugly emo fag.

  35. Uhhgator

    She looks like Skeletor with that jaw….Hahah, you”re doomed this time He-Man!

  36. tina

    she is so cute.

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  38. teddy

    I think it’s funny how HE’S the one walking behind her.

  39. Anal Fistula

    well, you have to admit that teal camo does provide effective cover for when he’s sniffing in the underwear drawers of the chippendale’s dancers…

  40. From the neck to the navel, that is by far thee best picture of thees eediot Ashlee.

  41. Mandy

    I bet they share make up.

  42. Brii

    Is she boweyed, or is it just me?

  43. steff

    why is she leading him like he’s her kid? and she is so much taller (esp. in heels) lolol.

  44. bree

    her face looks like it’s gonna collapse

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