Joe Simpson, that old codger, is at it again. This time around he’s trying to broker deals with the tabloids to get daughter Ashlee on the cover when her baby is born. Pete Wentz denied the pregnancy rumors right after the news broke this week. But Joe’s wheeling and dealing seems to be the nail in the coffin. Or penis in the vagina, if you will. Page Six reports:
A magazine source said, “Joe is contacting all the weeklies and asking them to pony up $1 million to put Ashlee on the cover. The deal would include photos of Ashlee – taken by Joe, of course, so he can make more money – an interview and photos of the baby when she has it,” our source said.
Sadly, for Joe it turns out Ashlee Simpson isn’t big news ah shit what? Dammit, too late now:
One magazine editor said the pictures would fetch “$60,000 maybe – but definitely not a million. The timing is a little suspicious. Her album ['Bittersweet World'] is dropping next week, and there was little to no interest until now. Ashlee’s lucky she got pregnant, frankly.”
Whoa whoa whoa, “lucky” to get pregnant? C’mon, that’s not cool. Nobody’s ever “lucky” to get pregnant. That’s like saying, “Oh, wow, Bill’s lucky to have pancreatic cancer.” Jesus, man, have a heart.
Jrz | April 17, 2008 at 2:13 pm
…obviously he’s selling the rights to squirrel away for the child’s college education…………..right?
sandwich maker | April 17, 2008 at 2:13 pm
If any man of mine wore that fucking sweatshirt, I’d kick him square in the vagina. What the fuck, man?????
On that note, she looks pretty….
veggi | April 17, 2008 at 2:14 pm
I guess today is “Cherry Popping Daddies Day”
anon | April 17, 2008 at 2:16 pm
Now Joe’s opting to whore his other daughter out to the media…
Well what else are fathers for?
Such a happy family.
noneyobeezwax | April 17, 2008 at 2:17 pm
wait a sec, i’m confused. i thought the girl in the sweet looking teal sweatshirt was the pregnant one.
I know stuff | April 17, 2008 at 2:18 pm
@3 You are not veggi stupid fuck.
Jrz | April 17, 2008 at 2:18 pm
Breaking News:
Ashlee Simpson Devoured by Strange, Teal, Homosexual Zebra
sandwich maker | April 17, 2008 at 2:20 pm
7 hahahahaha!!! well done Jrz.
Wendy | April 17, 2008 at 2:22 pm
Britney’s perpetual chinzits should move over to Ashlee, it’d be much roomier.
Jumpin_J | April 17, 2008 at 2:23 pm
Boy, it’s good to know her album will be dropping next week… right into the $1.99 cutout bin. Seriously, aside being the sister to a girl with big boobies, has she done anything?
Alicia | April 17, 2008 at 2:23 pm
It’s so nice when older sisters are not afraid to go out in public with their mentally challenged little brothers.
Anonymous | April 17, 2008 at 2:34 pm
Jumpin_J: She has absolutely done something. She got booed by 70,000 people at the Orange Bowl. That’s a fucking accomplishment, dammit!
Jrz | April 17, 2008 at 2:34 pm
BREAKING NEWS:
Centipe adn Millipede Devoured by Strange, Teal Homosexual Zebra to the Delight of Millions.
God, I hate that shit you post.
Barack Obama | April 17, 2008 at 2:35 pm
What the hell is the deal with the annying fucking sound commercials?! That shit san’t get shut off. Change pleeaaaaaase!!!!
Rachael | April 17, 2008 at 2:36 pm
Is that William Hung (the american idol she bangs guy) behind them?
Miserable Bastard | April 17, 2008 at 2:40 pm
Apparently Pete Wentz camez.
Ted Mosby | April 17, 2008 at 2:44 pm
I bet Joe brokers the deal, impregnates Ashlee and then pockets all the money while running off with Jessica.
Jeezy | April 17, 2008 at 2:46 pm
These two lesbians look like dudes.
Auntie Kryst | April 17, 2008 at 2:48 pm
@18 That was funny!! On another note, I wan’t to register my disdain for all douchefuckers that use the word “dropping” instead of simply saying going on sale. It’s as bad as the little fuckers that use the word “hater.” Jebus that word drives me up a wall.
Karen Walker | April 17, 2008 at 2:51 pm
Oh, Fishy…. I’m addicted to your stories, which is odd ‘cos I don’t have an addictive personality..
Do_FreeBird | April 17, 2008 at 2:51 pm
Dad’s firing up the turkey baster as we speak.
Quinn | April 17, 2008 at 2:55 pm
a round of chinplants for all her friends.
sandwich maker | April 17, 2008 at 2:55 pm
I find it odd that the word “pic” is at the end of the story title..
Jessie | April 17, 2008 at 2:56 pm
“he is falling in love with a pretty girl he saw in the mirror”
LMAO! That’s our Fall Out Boy, all right!
DaddyLovesMeBetter | April 17, 2008 at 2:57 pm
Doesn’t anyone else find it funny that when it came to Jessica that Daddy Joe wanted her to remain a virgin until she married, but Ashley, who is younger, can go out, have premarital sex with ALL of her boyfriends, and get knocked up out of wedlock? Where’s the reasoning behing THAT theory?? Huh.
Wolf Blitzer | April 17, 2008 at 2:58 pm
Hey look! It’s Hillary (Pete) and Barack (Ashlee)!
veggi | April 17, 2008 at 3:02 pm
#27 – Jimbo answered that in the last thread about Lindsay:
“There’s nothing quite like fucking your firstborn.”
I know stuff | April 17, 2008 at 3:05 pm
@29 you are not veggi you fucking dipshit. And that wasn’t Jimbo that said that. That was a troll. Most presumably you.
veggi | April 17, 2008 at 3:18 pm
Awwww, how sweet. #30 believes it has relationships on the internet. So cute.
anon | April 17, 2008 at 5:04 pm
Anyone else think Ashlee kinda looks like a redheaded Paris Hilton in the first picture? I think it might be the vacant, dead behind the eyes expression that does it.
How Low Can He Go? | April 17, 2008 at 5:29 pm
Are the rights to the kid’s virginity up for sale as well?
STeve | April 17, 2008 at 6:47 pm
Doesn’t Pete look like a little Pillsbury Dough Boy or Stay-Puff marshmallow man……odd couple they are….
Polly Pureheart | April 17, 2008 at 7:28 pm
That’s Klassy with a capital “K”
isitin | April 17, 2008 at 7:52 pm
God I hate emo people. Ashlee has turned into an ugly emo thing. And Wentz is already an ugly emo fag.
Uhhgator | April 17, 2008 at 9:55 pm
She looks like Skeletor with that jaw….Hahah, you”re doomed this time He-Man!
tina | April 17, 2008 at 10:31 pm
she is so cute.
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teddy | April 17, 2008 at 11:43 pm
I think it’s funny how HE’S the one walking behind her.
Anal Fistula | April 18, 2008 at 1:18 am
well, you have to admit that teal camo does provide effective cover for when he’s sniffing in the underwear drawers of the chippendale’s dancers…
Elliot_Spitz_On_Her | April 18, 2008 at 8:37 am
From the neck to the navel, that is by far thee best picture of thees eediot Ashlee.
Mandy | April 18, 2008 at 4:51 pm
I bet they share make up.
Brii | April 19, 2008 at 4:17 am
Is she boweyed, or is it just me?
steff | April 19, 2008 at 5:44 am
why is she leading him like he’s her kid? and she is so much taller (esp. in heels) lolol.
bree | April 30, 2008 at 12:27 am
her face looks like it’s gonna collapse