Ashlee Simpson’s breasts suggest a case of pregnantitis in the uterus sector

May 7th, 2008 // 39 Comments

In case you can’t tell by the headline, this post will tackle deep medical issues using the most scientific of terms. For realz. N/J. Every once in a while The Sun drops an expose that shakes the very field of journalism to its core. Today they examined the size of Ashlee Simpson’s breasts in relation to her sister Jessica and whether that size suggests Pete Wentz busted a baby up in that ass. I feel humbled to be in the presence of such a report:

Ashlee, who got engaged to rocker boyfriend PETE WENTZ last month, has recently been subject of rumours surrounding a possible pregnancy.
But the eye-catching size of her bust pictured above will only increase speculation, as it looks like she’s developed a pair of CHRISTINA AGUILERA-style pregnancy boobs.

Dear Pulitzer Committee,

As an esteemed member of your establishment, I’m writing to gracefully request you withhold my Pulitzer and award it to the investigative team at The Sun. Not only did these brave individuals address the tough issues of how pregorific are Ashlee Simpson’s milk cannons, but they went the extra mile to compare her to Christina Aguilera. I like to believe their work speaks for itself, however, I could not sleep peacefully at night unless I did my very best to ensure their groundbreaking reporting was recognized.

Please, search your hearts and soul while weighing this monumental decision. And, also, take into account the true litmus test of any journalistic endeavor: OMG BOOBZ!

Semper Fi Mammarus,

The Superficial Writer

Photo: The Sun, WireImage
superficial

  1. Mike

    Very nice tits, I would love to jizz all over those fuckers………..not to mention……….I would LOVE TO DRINK HER DOUCHE WATER!!!

  2. Gia

    I am no fan of either of these celebritie, but they do have nice cleavage.

  3. Sex Nuts & Retard Strong

    Mmmm….reminds me of my favorite holiday…nope, not Cinco De Mayo, not St. Patrick’s Day or even KwanzHannaChrismaka….it’s the Day the Titty Fairy Arrives!! Yeah baby, yeah!

  4. Maybe she is pmsing.

    Maybe she got a boobjob. Why not? She got a nosejob. She actually looks good enough now that I no longer feel sorry for her..

  5. FIST!

    Fish – can we get a side by side pic od Ahsley? Before and after?
    fanks!

  6. Pixie

    It looks like Ashley got a boob job because fake boobs always look wider and the cleavage is longer.

  7. Even Porous Hilton can look like she’s stacked…

  8. Mike

    FRIST………just let me see your cleavage again. I always enjoy your tits.

  9. Auntie Kryst

    Mazel tov. That baby is going to be one lucky suckling bastard.. Lucky pussy emo, flat haired, heavily eye-lined, gay-ass tattooed, suckling bastard.

  10. Big tits on both, but neither is pretty, smart, talented or worth anyone’s time or energy.

  11. Mike

    #11…………Both are worth my time and energy………that is for sure.

  12. dude

    Fish, you are hilarious.

    Mike at #2, you are probably an inch away from a restraining order.

    FUNNY FISH!! Semper Fi Mammarus.

  13. Eww ashely looks dirty compared to her sister

  14. Mike

    @5 Hey FRIST, you know sometime when I am with my goat, I fantasize that it is really you I am making love to. Well actually it is every time I am with my goat. What can I say, I am a hopeless romantic.

  15. Jester

    NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM

  16. Janet

    bahahaha…hilarious post.

  17. dude_on_a_wire

    The boobs help enormously (and vice/versa)… and that is simply the power of boobs. I give you Exhibit A

  18. dude_on_a_wire

    The boobs help enormously (and vice/versa)… and that is simply the power of boobs. I give you Exhibit A

  19. havoc

    Could we have boob photos of Kim Kardashian and Jennifer Aniston to compare with these two?

    That would be superdeeduper……

    .

  20. Veroonica

    Who TF knocked her up? It couldn’t have been that faggot Wentz. His and Ashley’s sex life constists of giggling under the covers as they paint each others nails.

  21. Jackson

    #20

    What is there to compare? Kim has implants surrounded by huge amounts of fat and Jennifer has small natural perky breasts.

  22. @ # 21 Veroonica

    Yes, while they both are wearing babydoll nighties with pretty panties.

  23. Jocco

    I’d like to take a trip down that mammary lane

  24. Deva

    What is it with these Hollywood SKANKS that have to have children and pollute the world??

    Say it with me now, “I have kids because they’re trendy”!

  25. lisa

    “rocker” boyfriend. that’s hilarious. I have said it a hundred times, and I will say it again… The douche is famous for his appearance in Meatballs 2 as the alien, Meathead.
    http://www.chucksconnection.com/meatballs2.html

  26. Joseph "Papa" Simpson

    I love it when people praise me for my handiwork.

  27. Who is Texas Tranny - $Reward$

    Please tell me who/why/what???? I am offering a substantial portion of my estate and extensive finances for info on this being. (twisted curiosity)
    For the morbid: I cried at Chronicles of Narnia and cheered Sauron @LOR

  28. @ #28
    No need for a reward. All you have to do is ask………

  29. John from OC

    Jessica is so amazing. How can one girl look like a horse & a duck? She is so talented. I hope to be like her someday.

  30. SIMPSONS SHAME

    Ashlee & Jessica Simpson = Poster Child(ren) for Plastic Surgery.

    The Association of Doctors of Plastic & Reconstructive Surgery
    should be paying both of them royalties for advertising!

    If you change everything that makes you who you are..Then who are you..?

    Damn!
    Sounds like something Jessica would say herself..lol

  31. Courtney

    I knew she was pregnant. I thought this was old news already.

  32. Heather

    haha OMG BOOBIEZ!!! awesome.

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