Ashlee Simpson tries to speak, fails

October 26th, 2006 // 93 Comments

  1. allyrising

    Why is it always the idiots who have the money?

  2. Elikapeka

    ASHLEE SIMPSON IS THE NEXT MICHAEL JACKSON! Not yet 25 and already has had 13+ plastic surgeries. Oops. I mean, only two. On the nose. That’s ALL. Nothing else has been done. Uhn uhn.

  3. Elikapeka

    She looks like one of those 40 year old women who’s had too much plastic surgery and ends up looking older anyway.

  4. Superevil

    I would totally bang her box out as long as she keeps her mouth shut.

  5. Tracy

    I think that nose job is the best thing she could have done for her face. She looks less like Alice the Goon now. A little chin reduction surgery would not be a bad idea, though.

  6. jrzmommy

    Maybe it was a pre-recorded statement that got messed up in the playback? I dunno….it’s gotta be hard to concentrate when your own father is checking you out.


    She should get plastic surgery on her chin too. Then she can put plastic over her head and put a Mattel stamp on it.

  8. gatorbates

    since when did Ashley become hotter than Jessica?

    There once was a chick named Ash
    who made tons and tons of cash
    Took her her home one night
    found out she was tight
    Then dropped a load in her ass.

  9. Zeebrat

    … She couldn’t even be bothered to WEAR sketchers apparently.

  10. Tracie

    “I look forward to representing Skechers clothing line; I also hope to add a few more pairs to my wardrobe.”

    There you go girl, after an unintelligible first sentence, just bound right in to why you ever agreed to hawk Sketchers in the first pace…FOR THE FREE SHOES!

  11. RichPort

    I wonder if she read those lines back, did a stupid little dance, then blamed her band…

    Daddy must tell her to shut up during sex.

  12. Italian Stallion

    She’s the type of girl you’re fucking in the ass and won’t stop screaming stupid shit, so you have no choice but to give her the “ATM” followed by a “strawberry milkshake”………….

  13. jrzmommy

    BUH-HORING *Cough*

  14. BarbadoSlim

    “going to the beyond”

    Is that like sucking to the suck, as in how Ashlee sucks.

  15. TheEmancipationOfFirecrotch

    I don’t think a mandate on knee-pad wearing would be necessary. She’s been wearing them for quite some time of her own volition. I mean, record deal… a not not bad singer?

    Does anyone else think she looks a bit Fergie-in-the-face now?

  16. BeautifulNightmare

    The faker the boobs get, the smaller the brain gets…

    What is wrong with this girl?

  17. H8TR

    I looked at the close-ups and wondered why she was trying to maximize that awful cleft in her chin by putting darker make-up on it. Then I realized, horror of horros, she’s got a zit right there! Ashlee shouldn’t be worried about crappy shoes, she needs to get in line behind Jessica and start using and selling Proactive.

  18. bigponie

    I got a headache just looking at her.

  19. race1

    Zeebrat, you are right she is not even wearing Skechers.

    Looks like she is wearing Converse.

    That’s an enormous Faux Paux.

  20. bigponie

    by headache I’m mean the head of my cock almost fell off while looking at her.

  21. trinket

    Interesting…the comments are criticizing a stupid girl for not knowing how to speak, and yet the “Note” at the bottom uses the wrong personal pronoun.

    Isn’t it ironic? Dontcha think?

    But seriously folks, why is her headband made out of yarn? Oh I get it…arts and crafts.

  22. NipsyHustle

    #16—there is no way she’s looking like fergie. ashlee is still cute enough for the average guy to let his kids swim around on her face. fergie looks like a fucking meth muppet. no way a boner is sticking around with her in the room.

  23. PrettyBaby

    Schlumpy Jess is still way sexier than Olive Oil here. I do not like this broad whatsoever. She makes Jess look like a road scholar. One bright spot in Ashlee’s new found fame though is that Daddy is now elbowing Jess out of the way for his new “Special Girl”. Maybe Jess will have the chance to go out and get laid by a non-related man….

  24. BarbadoSlim

    #22 It’s not really ironic it’s coincidental, it’s ironic that you point out a mistake and now I point out that you are mistaken. :)

  25. If we don’t buy the shoes, she won’t have a job.

  26. Aphrodite


  27. H8TR

    “road scholar”?

    Ba, ha, ha, ha, ha…Thanks! You’ve made me laugh more than this site has in a while!

  28. PrettyBaby

    As a Road scholar, I too can sell Sketchers

  29. ApacheRose

    I believe it’s “Rhodes” scholar.

  30. jrzmommy

    A Road Scholar is someone who is a cartographer, right?

  31. ApacheRose

    I think it’s someone who’s an expert on tires, myself.

    Kinda like the Michelin Man. He was a road scholar. Yep.

  32. saltpeanuts

    “Ashlee Simpson tries to speak, fails”

    What a coincidence, her previous headlines said:

    “Ashlee Simpson tries to sing, fails”

  33. BarbadoSlim

    Does anyone even wear Sketchers anymore? Aren’t they like, shit you regret you liked from 2001?

  34. with English skills like that, she has a great future working drive-thru windows at the fastfood retailer of her choise.

  35. with English skills like that, she has a great future working drive-thru windows at the fastfood retailer of her choice.

  36. with English skills like that she has a great future working the drive-thru window of the fastfood retailer of her choice.

  37. ponk

    wow! a triple post. don’t try this at home, people.

  38. BarbadoSlim

    PrettyBaby I’m sad to have to tell you this, but because of the “road scholar” incident…you’ve been clowned!

    You’ll be receiving a kit containg a Superfish issued clown wig, clow nose and clown shoes.

    may god have mercy on your soul

  39. PrettyBaby

    I am sooo fine with it, Darlin’

  40. Nothing phases “PrettyBaby”.
    She must come from “sturdy stock”.

    I like it!!!!!!!!!

  41. BarbadoSlim


    yes sturdy stock indeed.

  42. …and by “sturdy”, I mean she must be able to suck the tar off of a chrome bumper. :)

  43. euromoo

    Hey Superfish, Any chance you could post a side-by-side photo comparison of ‘old’ Ashlee and ‘new’ Ahslee. She is completely unrecognizable.

  44. kate

    What a no-talent sellout. I can’t fucking stand her. She bitched and moaned on her reality show about being separate from Jessica, but when she kept fucking up repeatedly as “punk” Ashlee, she decided to cave and become Jessica.

    She still sucks. I hope she goes away very soon.

  45. Alie

    I thought she was cuter before all the surgery, and before she dyed her hair dark brown/black (obviously its not black anymore). She was a cutie when she was on 7th Heaven – before attempting to become a singer. Her personality is a huge turn-off though, for my tastes. I wouldn’t have been able to guess it’s Ashley in those photos. Totally unrecognizable.

    Shoulda stayed natural!!

  46. SonJaSpiCe

    That’s Ashlee Simpson? I honestly thought it was an Olsen twin and was about to comment how surprised I was to only see one!

    Christ, she’s unrecognizable.

  47. BarbadoSlim

    Huge turn-off indeed #46, I haven’t forgotten her little drunken tirade a while back on McDonalds, where she decided to give people who actually work for their money a hard time. I hope they pissed on her shake, spat on her fries and shat on her Big Mac.

    No matter how many surgeries she subjects herself to, on the inside, she’s still an ugly fuck.

  48. PrettyBaby

    Now it is known that I can be an airhead. *Sigh* Whatever. Don’t go to the Rush Limbaugh thread, fucking scary. I think I recognize some of the chics making comments on there from the U of M when I was there ;) Hairy armpits and shit. They should worry more about when (or if) they will ever get some good dicking.

    And I may as well tell you since I am now clowned and possibly hated, that I’ve always thought Jessica Simpson was cute and fun. So there. Ashlee Simpson sucks though. Fuck she’s a problem.

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