Ashlee Simpson tries to speak, fails

October 26th, 2006 // 93 Comments
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Comments (93)

  1. allyrising | October 26, 2006 at 9:52 am

    Why is it always the idiots who have the money?

    Reply
  2. Elikapeka | October 26, 2006 at 9:52 am

    ASHLEE SIMPSON IS THE NEXT MICHAEL JACKSON! Not yet 25 and already has had 13+ plastic surgeries. Oops. I mean, only two. On the nose. That’s ALL. Nothing else has been done. Uhn uhn.

    Reply
  3. Elikapeka | October 26, 2006 at 9:53 am

    She looks like one of those 40 year old women who’s had too much plastic surgery and ends up looking older anyway.

    Reply
  4. Superevil | October 26, 2006 at 9:54 am

    I would totally bang her box out as long as she keeps her mouth shut.

    Reply
  5. Tracy | October 26, 2006 at 9:58 am

    I think that nose job is the best thing she could have done for her face. She looks less like Alice the Goon now. A little chin reduction surgery would not be a bad idea, though.

    Reply
  6. jrzmommy | October 26, 2006 at 9:58 am

    Maybe it was a pre-recorded statement that got messed up in the playback? I dunno….it’s gotta be hard to concentrate when your own father is checking you out.

    Reply
  7. theblemish.com | October 26, 2006 at 9:59 am

    She should get plastic surgery on her chin too. Then she can put plastic over her head and put a Mattel stamp on it.

    http://theblemish.com

    Reply
  8. gatorbates | October 26, 2006 at 10:01 am

    since when did Ashley become hotter than Jessica?

    There once was a chick named Ash
    who made tons and tons of cash
    Took her her home one night
    found out she was tight
    Then dropped a load in her ass.

    Reply
  9. Zeebrat | October 26, 2006 at 10:01 am

    … She couldn’t even be bothered to WEAR sketchers apparently.

    Reply
  10. Tracie | October 26, 2006 at 10:03 am

    “I look forward to representing Skechers clothing line; I also hope to add a few more pairs to my wardrobe.”

    There you go girl, after an unintelligible first sentence, just bound right in to why you ever agreed to hawk Sketchers in the first pace…FOR THE FREE SHOES!

    Reply
  11. RichPort | October 26, 2006 at 10:04 am

    I wonder if she read those lines back, did a stupid little dance, then blamed her band…

    Daddy must tell her to shut up during sex.

    Reply
  12. Italian Stallion | October 26, 2006 at 10:05 am

    She’s the type of girl you’re fucking in the ass and won’t stop screaming stupid shit, so you have no choice but to give her the “ATM” followed by a “strawberry milkshake”………….

    Reply
  13. CelebSlam.com | October 26, 2006 at 10:06 am

    Her cleft chin scares me

    http://www.celebslam.com

    Reply
  14. jrzmommy | October 26, 2006 at 10:08 am

    BUH-HORING *Cough*

    Reply
  15. BarbadoSlim | October 26, 2006 at 10:09 am

    “going to the beyond”

    Is that like sucking to the suck, as in how Ashlee sucks.

    Reply
  16. TheEmancipationOfFirecrotch | October 26, 2006 at 10:09 am

    I don’t think a mandate on knee-pad wearing would be necessary. She’s been wearing them for quite some time of her own volition. I mean, record deal… a not not bad singer?

    Does anyone else think she looks a bit Fergie-in-the-face now?

    Reply
  17. BeautifulNightmare | October 26, 2006 at 10:10 am

    The faker the boobs get, the smaller the brain gets…

    What is wrong with this girl?

    Reply
  18. H8TR | October 26, 2006 at 10:15 am

    I looked at the close-ups and wondered why she was trying to maximize that awful cleft in her chin by putting darker make-up on it. Then I realized, horror of horros, she’s got a zit right there! Ashlee shouldn’t be worried about crappy shoes, she needs to get in line behind Jessica and start using and selling Proactive.

    Reply
  19. bigponie | October 26, 2006 at 10:18 am

    I got a headache just looking at her.

    Reply
  20. race1 | October 26, 2006 at 10:19 am

    Zeebrat, you are right she is not even wearing Skechers.

    Looks like she is wearing Converse.

    That’s an enormous Faux Paux.

    Reply
  21. bigponie | October 26, 2006 at 10:20 am

    by headache I’m mean the head of my cock almost fell off while looking at her.

    Reply
  22. trinket | October 26, 2006 at 10:31 am

    Interesting…the comments are criticizing a stupid girl for not knowing how to speak, and yet the “Note” at the bottom uses the wrong personal pronoun.

    Isn’t it ironic? Dontcha think?

    But seriously folks, why is her headband made out of yarn? Oh I get it…arts and crafts.

    Reply
  23. NipsyHustle | October 26, 2006 at 10:31 am

    #16—there is no way she’s looking like fergie. ashlee is still cute enough for the average guy to let his kids swim around on her face. fergie looks like a fucking meth muppet. no way a boner is sticking around with her in the room.

    Reply
  24. PrettyBaby | October 26, 2006 at 10:33 am

    Schlumpy Jess is still way sexier than Olive Oil here. I do not like this broad whatsoever. She makes Jess look like a road scholar. One bright spot in Ashlee’s new found fame though is that Daddy is now elbowing Jess out of the way for his new “Special Girl”. Maybe Jess will have the chance to go out and get laid by a non-related man….

    Reply
  25. BarbadoSlim | October 26, 2006 at 10:35 am

    #22 It’s not really ironic it’s coincidental, it’s ironic that you point out a mistake and now I point out that you are mistaken. :)

    Reply
  26. Brain Embolism | October 26, 2006 at 10:37 am

    If we don’t buy the shoes, she won’t have a job.

    Reply
  27. Aphrodite | October 26, 2006 at 10:38 am

    HUH???

    Reply
  28. H8TR | October 26, 2006 at 10:38 am

    “road scholar”?

    Ba, ha, ha, ha, ha…Thanks! You’ve made me laugh more than this site has in a while!

    Reply
  29. PrettyBaby | October 26, 2006 at 10:46 am

    As a Road scholar, I too can sell Sketchers

    Reply
  30. ApacheRose | October 26, 2006 at 10:47 am

    I believe it’s “Rhodes” scholar.

    Reply
  31. jrzmommy | October 26, 2006 at 10:48 am

    A Road Scholar is someone who is a cartographer, right?

    Reply
  32. ApacheRose | October 26, 2006 at 10:49 am

    I think it’s someone who’s an expert on tires, myself.

    Kinda like the Michelin Man. He was a road scholar. Yep.

    Reply
  33. saltpeanuts | October 26, 2006 at 10:52 am

    “Ashlee Simpson tries to speak, fails”

    What a coincidence, her previous headlines said:

    “Ashlee Simpson tries to sing, fails”

    Reply
  34. BarbadoSlim | October 26, 2006 at 10:54 am

    Does anyone even wear Sketchers anymore? Aren’t they like, shit you regret you liked from 2001?

    Reply
  35. ponk | October 26, 2006 at 10:55 am

    with English skills like that, she has a great future working drive-thru windows at the fastfood retailer of her choise.

    Reply
  36. ponk | October 26, 2006 at 10:55 am

    with English skills like that, she has a great future working drive-thru windows at the fastfood retailer of her choice.

    Reply
  37. ponk | October 26, 2006 at 10:58 am

    with English skills like that she has a great future working the drive-thru window of the fastfood retailer of her choice.

    Reply
  38. ponk | October 26, 2006 at 10:59 am

    wow! a triple post. don’t try this at home, people.

    Reply
  39. BarbadoSlim | October 26, 2006 at 11:01 am

    PrettyBaby I’m sad to have to tell you this, but because of the “road scholar” incident…you’ve been clowned!

    You’ll be receiving a kit containg a Superfish issued clown wig, clow nose and clown shoes.

    may god have mercy on your soul

    Reply
  40. PrettyBaby | October 26, 2006 at 11:06 am

    I am sooo fine with it, Darlin’

    Reply
  41. Brain Embolism | October 26, 2006 at 11:18 am

    Nothing phases “PrettyBaby”.
    She must come from “sturdy stock”.

    I like it!!!!!!!!!

    Reply
  42. BarbadoSlim | October 26, 2006 at 11:19 am

    hehehehe

    yes sturdy stock indeed.

    Reply
  43. Brain Embolism | October 26, 2006 at 11:20 am

    …and by “sturdy”, I mean she must be able to suck the tar off of a chrome bumper. :)

    Reply
  44. euromoo | October 26, 2006 at 11:38 am

    Hey Superfish, Any chance you could post a side-by-side photo comparison of ‘old’ Ashlee and ‘new’ Ahslee. She is completely unrecognizable.

    Reply
  45. kate | October 26, 2006 at 11:50 am

    What a no-talent sellout. I can’t fucking stand her. She bitched and moaned on her reality show about being separate from Jessica, but when she kept fucking up repeatedly as “punk” Ashlee, she decided to cave and become Jessica.

    She still sucks. I hope she goes away very soon.

    Reply
  46. Alie | October 26, 2006 at 12:02 pm

    I thought she was cuter before all the surgery, and before she dyed her hair dark brown/black (obviously its not black anymore). She was a cutie when she was on 7th Heaven – before attempting to become a singer. Her personality is a huge turn-off though, for my tastes. I wouldn’t have been able to guess it’s Ashley in those photos. Totally unrecognizable.

    Shoulda stayed natural!!

    Reply
  47. SonJaSpiCe | October 26, 2006 at 12:07 pm

    That’s Ashlee Simpson? I honestly thought it was an Olsen twin and was about to comment how surprised I was to only see one!

    Christ, she’s unrecognizable.

    Reply
  48. BarbadoSlim | October 26, 2006 at 12:08 pm

    Huge turn-off indeed #46, I haven’t forgotten her little drunken tirade a while back on McDonalds, where she decided to give people who actually work for their money a hard time. I hope they pissed on her shake, spat on her fries and shat on her Big Mac.

    No matter how many surgeries she subjects herself to, on the inside, she’s still an ugly fuck.

    Reply
  49. Tracie | October 26, 2006 at 12:08 pm
  50. PrettyBaby | October 26, 2006 at 12:15 pm

    Now it is known that I can be an airhead. *Sigh* Whatever. Don’t go to the Rush Limbaugh thread, fucking scary. I think I recognize some of the chics making comments on there from the U of M when I was there ;) Hairy armpits and shit. They should worry more about when (or if) they will ever get some good dicking.

    And I may as well tell you since I am now clowned and possibly hated, that I’ve always thought Jessica Simpson was cute and fun. So there. Ashlee Simpson sucks though. Fuck she’s a problem.

    Reply

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