Ashlee Simpson thinks she’s the shit

April 26th, 2006 // 238 Comments

Ashlee Simpson claims she’s hotter than her sister Jessica, telling Scotland’s Daily Record: “I’m taller than she is and my legs are longer than hers. I got lucky because my chest size isn’t completely massive.”

As much as you want to, it’s hard to defend Jessica’s hotness when she looks like spends her free time hiding under bridges to scare children. I mean damn, take a shower already.



  1. JammyDodger


  2. diedl

    I came in search of Edna only to discover I’m first?

  3. Iambananas

    I hate them both! They botha re really stupid, ashlee can’t sing, Jessica is so annoying it makes me hurt and they both are controlled by their dad. They are so over publicised that it makes them annoying because they’re being shoved down our throats. They’re both past their prime.

  4. diedl

    damn you JammyDodger ;)

  5. theyareidiots

    she believes that because that’s what papa joe says when he comes to her room for his late night “visits.”

  6. BigJim

    I wouldn’t fuck them with Edna’s cock.

  7. thegorgeous&thegrotesque

    As much as it pains me to say anything positive about Jessica, I would take her any day over her skank-ass trick of a sister. Vom.

  8. juicylips

    she was just ugly this past winter so she better quit talking shit before she reverts back to being a butterface.

  9. thatsnothot

    they’re morphing into each other! that’s why jessica is looking so bad.

  10. mamacita


    Ahhh, but Edna would fuck them with yours. She’s kinky like that. She’s ashamed of it, but she’s kinky.

  11. BigJim

    I almost forgot: Free Edna!

  12. diedl

    What? She’s BACK??!?!? Bless you, SF.

  13. Land-Man

    Yeah, real lucky of her to be flat. I’m lucky to have micropenis.

  14. BarbadoSlim

    She forgot to add that she can also suck on poppa Joe’s dick for way way longer than her sister.

  15. BigJim

    Yay! Edna is free! SF editors: don’t go deleting her anymore. We support the right of freedom of speech, even for a big fat fatty like Edna.

    You “read” that Edna, we like having you “here” with us, you big fat fatty.

    I really need a new schtick.

  16. JammyDodger

    #4 – I didn’t think I would be because my computer didn’t send it…Edna’s messin around with it again!!!

  17. diedl

    As for you Edna dear, while it’s amusing to watch you try, your attempts at internet cleanliness are akin to trying to empty the ocean with a spoon full of holes.

    Reading your website made my brain hurt with all of the misspellings. “heretick”???? c’mon….

  18. Aimtrue

    My legs are longer, I am taller and my nose is longer too. I’m so lucky to be flat chested. My chin is way pointer and I have pistol grip ears. And I know you boys know how to use those. My vagina is streactched out further than Jessica’s and my scars seem to heal a little faster and almost fade completely.

    Let me see I have to pick between the two I’ld take the unwashed Jessica-you can wash dirt- ugly is forever.

    F Mary Kill?
    Ashlee, Jessica Paris?

  19. mamacita

    See, BigJim? I think Edna’s really into you. She only reported you. Wait, that’s not really her. The real Edna would have said REPORTED! not reported! Oh well, Edna still loves your cock. She also said that she would never say that you’re a syrup-drinking, hockey-loving, red plaid flannel-wearing, lumberjacking Canadian. :D That’s for earlier!!!!!

  20. jenny4a20

    Tom Cruise loves Edna.

  21. BigJim

    Mother fucker! Now Edna’s posts are gone.

    What the fuck! FREE EDNA! FREE the fatty!

  22. Chrystal03

    I cant fucking stand Bashlee, stealing Brittney Murphy’s looks, which isnt necessarily a good thing. Fucking die already.

  23. diedl

    oh SF . . you’re spoiling our fun :(

  24. BigJim

    I just can’t stand Enda not being able to post here. It’s got me seriously depressed. It’s like there is some big, gaping hole in my life now.

    A big, gaping hole the size of Enda’s vagina.

  25. Land-Man

    FYI, this Edna crap isn’t the least bit entertaining.

  26. xogirly84

    wow, that is some deluded self confidence. she looks like a transexual, and i’m sorry, that is not anywhere near sexy.

  27. JammyDodger

    If ya can’t stand the Edna- get out of the superficial!

  28. D-Rock

    Oh man…my acid reflux is flaring up. *punches chest* Wait. I actually did just throw up in my mouth.

    Apparently Jessica is a huge fan of A Flock Of Seaulls.

  29. JammyDodger

    That ^ was a reply to #26

  30. BigJim

    Maybe SF wants us to actually comment on these two vacuous, spastic, hermaphrodite, father fucking, inbred, no-talent, cock gobbling, Edna eating fucktards instead of poking fun at Edna.

    But what fun would that be?

  31. Land-Man


    Try dodging my 18″ Land-Cock when I jam it up your ass. Stupid fucker.

  32. BrianMolko

    And in next month’s Cosmopolitan Ashlee tells all about how she is also hotter than Kelly Osbourne…

  33. BigJim

    Land girl: your cock just keeps getting bigger and bigger. 16″, then 17, and now 18?

    Hmmm, methinks ye is full of excrement.

  34. JammyDodger

    Wooowey- hey Land-man are u sure ur not Edna’s weekend alter ego? U sure can’t take a joke like her…or is it my fist up ur ass u can’t take?

  35. Fisher55

    Land-man, I agree 100%. This Edna stuff got boring days ago. (Biatcho is fat)

  36. Shes right, though. Ashlee is right. she is better looking. and younger.

  37. Hara

    DANGIT. She was here and i missed it? I want Edna back too.

    rofl Free Edna. That’s catchy.

    Free Katie too.

    oh yeah, Ashlee sort of looks like she should be on Little House on the Prairie sneaking candy from the General Store and pushing Laura down a well. At least her hair’s not black anymore.

  38. BigJim

    I’m calling out to all SF readers to boycott all this site’s advertisers until they let Edna back.

    Free Edna!

  39. BigJim

    I’m gonna get banned. I just know it.

    Carry on the fight without me after I’m gone.

    Free Edna!

  40. Italian Stallion

    MeganHarris are you retarded?

    Stallions right, though. Stallion is right. MeganHarris is a Dumbass. And retarded.

  41. BarbadoSlim

    Land Man is but an earthbound phenomenon, my massive genitalia is of GALATIC proportions, no eathly measurement is appropriate to describe it.

  42. BigJim


    When you have two spelling mistakes, people don’t believe you.

  43. Edna Bambrick


  44. Those rumors about her getting a nose job must be true. That would explain the sudden arrogance. Daddy Simpson doesn’t love one daughter more than the other – he fucks Jess for fifteen minutes, then rolls over and does Ashley for fifteen as well.

  45. junebug

    If they are the progeny of a pastor, I’d hate to see the whole fucking church.

    Edna was REPORTED!

  46. Edna Bambrick

    Why was I reported #46? I simply did a test.

  47. BigJim

    I sure hope they let you stay, Edna.

    Can you feel the love?

    Yeah, feel it, bitch. Take it all!

  48. chanel_bear


    …you can take her account, BUT YOU CANNOT TAKE HER FREEDOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  49. Edna Bambrick

    I am back but Superficial has asked me to stop being obnixious.

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