Ashlee Simpson pities Jessica’s sad, lonely life

September 10th, 2009 // 34 Comments

Ashlee Simpson would rather stick a gun in her mouth than trade places with big sister Jessica, according to People:

“She’s always saying, ‘Oh, I want a baby!’ ” Simpson tells October’s Redbook, on sale Sept. 22. “Being a mom’s so empowering and incredible. I’m one of those people who believes that life brings things to you at a certain time for a certain reason, and if you just go with it, that’s where the best moments come from.”
When asked about whether she envies sister Jessica, 29, for her freedom as a single gal, Ashlee responds: “I really don’t.”

Wow. Way to rub it in that you have a baby and your sister doesn’t. I mean, granted it’s Jessica’s own fault for not figuring out you’re supposed to have vaginal intercourse to get pregnant, but Tony Romo shares some of that blame, too. Along with John Mayer, Nick Lachey, Joe Simpson and me in about two seconds: Butt sex is how you make babies.

Photos: Splash News
superficial

  1. PITIFUL

    420

    FIRST!

  2. Family Affair

    The Simpson family is so normal and functional.

  3. Name No

    Did Papa Joe instruct her to throw her sister under the bus and reverse it? This is not a kind thing to do Assley!

  4. At least Jess isn’t stuck with Pete Wentz, though.

    “believes that LIFE brings things to you at a certain time for a certain reason”
    Interesting, she replaced “God” with “life” now, as if it was some intelligent entity, making plans for us.

  5. ME09

    I THINK THEY ARE BOTH PRETTY AND BOTH SUCCESSFUL , IM SURE WHEN JESSICA IS READY TO SETTLE DOWN AND HAVE A FAMILY IT WILL BE GREAT FOR HER TOO ..ITS NOT ALWAYS EASY RASING A FAMILY BUT IT IS ALWAYS WORTH IT !!!!! I THINK PEOPLE SHOULD STOP BEING SO NEGATIVE AND BE A LITTLE NICER ..THERES ENOUGH HATE IN THE WORLD AS IT IS !!!! PEACE , LOVE , HAPPINESS

  6. Her figure looks impressive considering she has kids. I have a feeling Jessica will gain a ton of weight and have trouble getting it off after having kids.

  7. Jim

    Funny how fat dead eyed hillbilly man-chin Jessica is being overpassed by her blossoming kid sister.

  8. big teeth

    I would rather stick a gun in *my* mouth than see any more pictures of this talentless skank bag of crap. Isn’t it about time for her and her douchebag husband to do the world a favor and die already?

  9. Superevil

    Five years ago I would have loved to mouthfuck her. Now, not so much.

  10. Oliver Chester The Molester Lester

    So Ashley getting knocked up by Wentz (aka entrapment) is the way to go? Great advice for Jessica.

  11. Larry

    Funny to see the younger, hotter sister make fun of the bloated, man-chin simpleton Jessica, the former Hillbilly Hero who now is just a chubby chaser’s spank material.

  12. terri

    i think she looks better in this pic last picture i saw of her she looked older than madonna she talentless though

  13. bobby_da_Perv

    remember this chick had, black hair, a gigantic nose and got caught lip syncing?? Now she has been repackaged is is being forced down our throats again, fuck this talentless bitch.

  14. Amy

    Fish, you make it seem like all we want to do is have babies. It’s not that difficult. Any old jane can find a dick to impregnate her. If she wanted a baby and a family so bad, she wouldn’t have divorced Nick. You make it sound like all us women do is hide in the shadows waiting for some poor unsuspecting guy to walk by so we can jump on his dick, get pregnant, steal his money, and then get fat. Maybe you should try meeting women somewhere a little more classy. No, strip clubs don’t count.

  15. Crusty

    Amy (#14), thanks for enlightening me to the fact that classy women can’t be found in strip clubs. This is particularly helpful given that happy hour at Pleasure Palace cranks up in 5 minutes.

    Guessing “Amy” dances under the name “Anal Amy”, which may explain why she’s not managed to get pregnant.

  16. Amy

    #15, yes, strip clubs are a step up from the meth lab trailers that you normally visit to pick up skanks.

    Actually, I enjoy dancing under the name “crusty amy” for when you’re at the club. This way I can “bust the crust” into your face after a particularly yeasty week. Only the classiest for you.

  17. Whoa

    She has Horner’s syndrome or something.

  18. Ben

    Does she envy her sister Jessica for her freedom?

    What a loaded, chickensh*t question! What would have been the correct answer to that? Yes, I’d rather not have my husband and baby? Sweet Jeebus, give her a break!

  19. onesizefitsmost

    mmm…crusty yeasty gooooodness….

  20. carmen

    A place someone who can treat you as a king or who can spoil you like a queen, this is the great place. It’s dedicated for those sugar daddies ~~~~Sugarloves.Com ~~~~ who are rich and successful to support and pamper women who will treat you like a king and for sugar babies who are attractive and young to seek a generous benefactor to mentor and take care of you.

  21. name it for christ sake

    i would like to smell her dirty panties.

  22. isitin

    At least Jessica is pretty. This skank is disgusting. Fucking Emo bitch.

  23. Rhialto

    She wouldn’t have been anywhere without her sister.But that’s prety sad.

  24. Nero

    Why should Jessica Simpson have a baby? Aren’t there enough Simpson’s already?

  25. Wow...just...wow

    FTA: “Being a mom’s so empowering and incredible. I’m one of those people who believes….”

    Me, me, me, me, me. Good Lord these people are pathetic.

  26. Whitney

    Am I the only one who noticed that skanks humongus fun bags? WTF people? Who cares what she thinks. I’m only hoping big sister Jess gets pissed off from the commments and slaps the taste out of her little sis mouth – and they start tussling in a bowl of jello. Ahhh, me and their old man can dream, can’t we?

  27. me

    This girl is NOT pretty. Her surgeries made her look worse, and she looks absolutely dead in the eyes. She is lucky ANY man would want to be with her, let alone make 3.

  28. Warm in the winter and cool in the summer, genuine Ugg Boots are made from Australian double-faced sheepsking, usually Australian Merino Sheepskin. The highest quality around! Saving a couple of bucks will get you some synthetic fiber that’s not the same.

  29. perfect facial beauty ….!!!

  30. Did Papa Joe instruct her to throw her sister under the bus and reverse it? This is not a kind thing to do Assley!

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