Ashlee Simpson & Pete Wentz: Together forever

April 10th, 2008 // 69 Comments

Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz are officially engaged. The two announced their unholy asshat union on their blog Friends or Enemies:

THIS JUST IN FROM ASHLEE SIMPSON “We know there has been a lot of speculation recently about Pete and I and we wanted our fans to be the first to know, because you guys are the best. Yes, we are thrilled to share that we are happily engaged. Thank you for all of your support and well wishes – it means the world to us. We consider this to be a very private matter, but we wanted you to hear it straight from us.”
- Ashlee and Pete

It’s early in the morning so I just want to wish Ashlee and Pete the best. Also, the wedding cake’s on me. It’ll be a delicious marble with equal parts typhoid, Al Qaeda and, because I love you guys, Criss Angel. Congrats!

UPDATE: Us Magazine got a “no comment” from Ashlee’s rep asking if there’s a bun in the oven. The rep instead pointed Us to the above comment from Friends or Enemies. And, fuck, these two reproduced. Super. Looks like I picked the wrong day to quit sniffing glue – but not the wrong day to quote Airplane. I win!

Photos: Getty Images

  1. yo

    they’ll be divorced in six months.


  2. michy

    who is this asshole?he is short and ugly!!

  3. bakinmycake

    Kids..this is what happens when you do drugs….

  4. Does she know the differnce between tuna and chicken? Does she know that Chicken of the Sea is really tuna??

  5. justifiable

    #1 He’ll sue for custody of the eyeliner.

  6. I bet he feels like a real fucking rebel. Let’s line up and take turns kicking him in the pussy.

  7. Janine

    Why would she want to get engaged to a guy who is so obviously in the closet! I don’t get it.

  8. Too-Many-Fucktards-In-The_world

    I’m guessing he’s “engaged” to this ugly tramp with the hope that he’ll get to fuck Jessica.
    Maybe a three-way with the sisters – Papa Joe says it’s the best!!

  9. Auntie Kryst

    Meh..good for them. Ugly douchebags should marry, why ruin two families right?

  10. sherry

    yeah she doesnt look like her sister in those pix maybe she will find herself and quit being a wannabe jessicia

  11. Veroonica

    Instead of throwing Rice, we’ll spray them with douche water. Congrats asswipes! Seriously. I hate those two fucking Trannys.

  12. Jay Leno

    Who is the chick with the freakishly big chin……… even by my standards. So did she go into the plastic surgeons office with a picture of me and say I want that times 10? Weird. I am flattered though

  13. deacon jones

    Publicity stunt, he’ll dump her ass in 3 years.

    This guy’s a fucking moron, he could be running trains on 16 year olds backstage and he’s got this big chinned ostrich instead. His bandmates must fucking kill him when she’s not around.

  14. hey wait

    i think i saw that chin move…

    PS: are they twins ?

  15. tina

    She is so cute.

  16. tina

    Nice couple. I envy them. But even celebs are lonely sometimes. Someone saw her profile with hot photos on A joke made by someone? Believe it or not. Many celebs are looking for their true love there.

  17. Anonymous

    Hey tina, you worthless piece of fucking shit spammer: Take your identity stealing websites and stick them up your fucking ass, you fucking asswipe. You can’t even spam in fucking English. Fucking douchebag.

    Hey, everyone, here is the info for this fucking dicklick who posts these identity stealing websites:

    Du Qiang,, 800 West El Camino Real, #180 Mountain View, California 94040 United States (650) 906-0405

    Bombard this cocksucker with hate mail.

  18. Sambo the Ass Pirate

    “We consider this to be a very private matter…”, so we’ll publish it on our blog.

    Now that Pete has a beard, he can join the scientologists.

  19. total_pimp

    @7 AMEN!

    holy shit…. the lines comin up from ’round the corner

  20. Uncle Eccoli

    Private matter my ass… These people have no right to pick and choose which aspects of their lives should be ‘private’ when they’re profiting purely from their own celebrity. Jennifer Lopez, for example, sells the rights to the first photographs of her spawn for public consumption and will then turn around and expect ‘privacy’ for the little rat bastards as they grow up. What a load. Celebrities make me fucking sick.

  21. Tom

    One thing is certain, their child will have a very “prominent” chin.

  22. Gunion

    I wonder if she will lip sync her vows

  23. Superevil

    meh, she looked better in ’04. He can have Jessica 2.0

  24. Anonymous

    Hey amy, you little cunt spammer: Why don’t you fuck off?

    Hey, everyone, here is the info for this fucking dicklick who posts these identity stealing websites:

    Du Qiang,, 800 West El Camino Real, #180 Mountain View, California 94040 United States (650) 906-0405

    Bombard this cocksucker with hate mail.

  25. ph7

    Young stars should NEVER get married. Divorce is a given.

  26. Jeezy

    Couple of huge-chinned, no talent pussies.

  27. Ted from LA

    I hope they got a 2 for 1 on the haircuts.

  28. whatever

    Can’t wait until they start popping out midget containers of vinegar solution, I mean, kids.

  29. ubee0173

    they posted thier announcement for thier fans???? they have fans? no way- god, how embarrassing for them, to think people want to know these things… i should have a blog for every time i do somethin… i can post– for my ‘fans’- everytime i pee or do laundry… its about as interesting as these douchetards..

  30. yukadoozer

    Aw. Matching chins, greasy hair-together 4ever!

  31. SLASH

    #31 you took the words right out of my fingertips

  32. Sunflower

    OMG! What is Pete Wentz? All of 5’2″ tall? He shouldn’t be posing for pictures, he should be wearing a little hat and slippers with bells on them like the rest of the gnomes in my garden.

  33. HuckyDucky

    Wow. Two music industry/Hollywood young people who have been together for two years and are getting engaged. They must love each other. That is unusual. I think that is nice.

  34. tanya

    That guy has a watermelon for a head

  35. Ted Mosby

    Papa Joe will leave his mark on this marriage.

  36. R

    Those two will have the most chin-tastic offspring.

    Seriously, I thought she went under the knife to have that thing fixed?!

  37. tallytastic

    six months? i give them less than that…

    aww, but how cute they have the same hair dresser. *barf*

  38. Stuey

    Just remember Ashlee, one of the lyrics of his songs is, “He tastes like you…but sweeter.”

    I’m just saying.

  39. misjade

    She looks a lot like Shannon from Danity Kane now.

  40. Alys

    They look like cartoons!, they are ugly man.. what a couple!!..

  41. Mellie

    I didnt know Ashley was a lesbian….

  42. lola

    the fallout boy is cute! but not sexy. he is better looking than ashley but who cares. they seem happy and ashley had been the teased ugly sister for long enough

  43. Anal Fistula

    holy chin-plants batman!

  44. toolboy

    More like Quagmire from Family Guy. giggity giggity goo!

  45. Scott

    Hey everyone- these two are not ugly. Ashlee is cute as a button and Pete is a famous rockstar who sells millions of records. They’re not gorgeous people, but let’s not get carried away here. There are many celebs that really are ugly (Pink, Britney Spears, Scary Spice, etc.) let’s focus the hate on the right people or this site and its viewers might start losing credibility…

  46. Grunion

    “let’s focus the hate on the right people or this site and its viewers might start losing credibility…”

    This site has credibility? That’s fucking hillarious. Seriously I’m dying over here I’m laughing so hard.

    Thats gold Jerry, gold..

  47. umm ok

    Holy shit, they both have the most awful chins! grajfvdolfgk.fgg..g….

  48. motorboating sumbitch

    #47 The “right people”? I nominate you, Scott, you’re one right there. Who else other than a perfect assmop calls anyone “cute as a button”?

    Well, OK, my 80 year old Aunt Sophie would, and thats why I’m thankful as fuck she ain’t on the ‘net.

  49. Uh

    I didn’t know they allowed gay marriage now.

  50. Miserable Bastard

    They appear to be standing in front of an IQ-ometer of some sort.

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