Ashlee Simpson & Pete Wentz sure shut you up

March 27th, 2009 // 71 Comments

Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz decided to dispel rumors their marriage is on the rocks by making out onstage at the MTV Australia Music Awards today. And, damn, they sure showed us. I mean, that’s totally the face of a man who doesn’t look like he’s getting kissed by his grandmother. I’m convinced.

Photos: Getty
superficial

  1. NipTuck

    Oh…. they showed us?

  2. moot

    Look how differently-sized their heads are…

  3. Jrz

    Their kid has a better chance if they let Aunt Jessica raise it.

  4. Jrz

    Ironically enough, Madonna’s lastet acquisition is named Mercy.
    http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29913089/

  5. Sam

    Why is Jay Leno’s troll doll trying to eat that frighted fluffer’s face?

  6. Randal

    These two are the cutest couple right now in Hollywood and compliment each other very well. Love the red hair there Ashlee!

    Randal

  7. Edward Cullen

    Here we have it folks! Another fake emo couple…

  8. Yank and wank they rhyme for a reason

    Who shives a git? Not me.

  9. Rihanna

    Hey Chris! Those two were reading your text messages!

  10. Bill

    Well, the kid looks exactly like Ashlee’s dad and Pete’s asshole is stretched to the diameter of Ashlee’s dad’s cock, so I could see how there’s a little tension in the marriage.

  11. Rick

    The only problem – a trivial detail, really – is that when she kisses him passionately, he should get wood, instead of having his genitals recoil up into his body cavity.

  12. Pete "Petey" Wentz

    “The MTV Australia Music Awards???!! You mean, going “down under”?!!! I’m there!!!”

  13. Dana

    Pete looks like a chimp in pic 1: OMG, he’s the missing link!

  14. This is for Zanna and Rich:

    JULIE ON THE FUNG WAH BUS
    © 2008 by Risa Mickenberg and Joel Shelton

    To Julie On the Fung Wah bus to Boston
    I really loved our conversation.
    I thought it was so weird and coincidental:
    We’re both into Goethe and meditation.

    I lost you at the taxi stand
    so I never said goodbye to you
    I should’ve got your digits too

    Julie On the Fung Wah bus
    Julie On the Fung Wah bus
    I’m posting on Missed Connections
    I hope you’ll read it. I hope you’ll write me back

    To Julie On the Fung Wah bus to Boston
    I bought the Yma Sumac song you recommended
    She’s amazing. You were totally right about the way it ended
    I listened to it six times through and every time I thought of you.
    Every time I thought of you.

    Julie On the Fung Wah bus
    Julie On the Fung Wah bus
    I’m posting on Missed Connections
    I hope you’ll read it
    I hope you’ll write me back
    When you get back
    From your cousin’s house in Gloucester.

    I thought it was obvious
    But I guess you didn’t have a clue
    How taken I was with you.

    Julie On the Fung Wah bus
    Julie On the Fung Wah bus
    I’m posting on Missed Connections
    I hope you’ll read it
    I hope you’ll write me back
    When you get back
    From your cousin’s house in Gloucester.

  15. Jrzmommy

    What does it mean when Richport says that fucking me is like throwing a hot dog down a hallway?

    That sounds like fun! Wheeeee!!!!

  16. Richard McBeef

    wentz looks like a gay emo anthony keidis.

  17. jimmy

    who are these chicks?

  18. petemusthavethegrossestI'mcummingfaceever

    Seriously #2. Fuck his head is twice the size of hers (and in this case that’s actually not an exaggeration, it really is twice as big as her little goth-punk-whore head). Which is not surprising since I hear all Simpson women have big ol’ boobs and tiny brains. They’re like Boobasaurus Rex’s or sumthin. Poor Assley, if her head is any indcation of how small her nether region skankwhole is, birthing pete’s emo spawn douche baby must have been excruciating… during the birth AND then upon meeting the little E-mo-wok. No wonder they hide the kid from the paps, must be the fuggest baby alive.

  19. ChEF

    This looks like Ashlee’s bending over to make out with a little boy on his First Communion.

  20. J-Dizzle

    @ 7

    Randal you’re a freaking ass clown. No one cares about your comments. Go take a long walk off a short cliff

  21. freepants

    #19. They really do look like a lesbian couple don’t they. Poor ugly people.

  22. Brian

    I don’t know. There’s something about her that screams ‘fun in bed.’ He just screams in bed.

  23. big teeth

    Ugh.. I hate how we export our crap to other countries. I’d like to apologize to Australia for this infliction of talentless douches.

  24. turds

    Close you eyes and imagine you did the most intense crack of your life off Madonna’s decrepid fungus skinned gollum ribcage at some looser hollywood party and it caused you to be so out of your mind you fucked Pete Wentz.
    Then Imagine that the crazy smack you snorted that night wore off just as Pete’s sweaty “I’m cuming face” was staring right at you while he poked you with his pinky size dick and then drippled out his buggar like scuz screaming out in a girlish high pitch, inbetween childish grunts and out of breath panting, “oh yeah, oh yeah Pete’s cumming babeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!”

    Then imagine that one night of hell caused you to be impregnated by Pete’s retard emo sperm and your stupid pedo daddy makes you marry him to keep up your phony good southern girl appearance.

    Then imagine you have a sister who used ot be hot and the got fat and useless and is now jealous of your unwanted emo douch-baby and your fake emo-mariage.

    Then imagine a greasy wet, mucusy, blood covered little Wentz head coming right out of your stetched out Pete infested snatch.

    That is what Ashley Simpson has put herself through the past year so have a little pity for a truly pittiful woman.

  25. turds

    Oh I forgot to add:
    Then imagine that you have to raise your gremlin ewok creature crack baby and pretend to love it in all massive trollish ugliness even though the very sight of it brings vivid memories of the hideous and heinous reality that you had sexual intercourse with PETE WENTZ.

    Clearly Assley had a robotamy and her body is now being sustained by a robot-computer thing programmed to pretend it likes being married to Pete Wentz. What a sad sad story. You don’t even want to know Jessica’s story, but it involves butter, lots and lots of butter and Tony romo dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps at a gay bar.

    • DJ Khaled Lova

      In case you didn’t know, I don’t usually hate on Assface (okay, I do) but, she used to be an ugly kid. And inside she is STILL an ugly kid. No matter how many nose jobs she gets.
      She will still like the same guys she did before. As in the same TYPE of guys, like emo, and nailpolish and all that crap.
      There’s no getting around it. Like how some people see Pete as a chimp (I know I used to) she sees him as a golden god.
      Just cause she looks too out of his league cause she’s so attractive, doesn’t mean she changed on the inside AT ALL.

  26. jay

    #26, 27: OMG I am going to die that is some funny shite

  27. butterface

    Didn’t Micheal Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley do the same thing to prove their love for each other at an MTV music award ceremony in the 90s?

  28. jakebarnes

    Yes, and they divorced soon after

  29. sin

    She had to wear a strap on for him to fuck her. He is afraid of women, just because they don’t have a dick for him to suck.

  30. Fuck U

    #22,
    I agree, Randal is an asshole. Take #22s’ advice Randal…now.
    Good Lord, them two asswipes look like the walking dead…what the fuck is wrong with them? I swear these fuckin so called celebrities are getting fuckin scarier every year. Something needs to be done about them. Blow fucking LA off the face of the earth …for all our sakes!

  31. embie

    that guy makes me want to put on a chastity belt and throw away the key. ugliest little chinchilla-looking thing i’ve ever seen.

  32. Nomad

    He looks like the elephant man John Merrick in that shot. Very strange.

  33. feckless

    I bought a ticket to the Yellow Brick Road from him once. It only went in circles. He dresses nice though.

  34. titsonsnack

    All joking aside, he IS gay, right?

  35. Jason

    I think this was less convincing than Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Pressley

  36. Obama is a socialist pig. Oh, and a nigger

    why is his head 30% bigger than hers?

  37. Rhialto

    Among the human beings,there’s not much perfect in this world folks! Unless it’s my English writing ofcourse!:)

  38. Gando

    wouldn’t be a household step handy for Pete Wentz!?

  39. Darth

    Her double tongue strangles his! Honest match!?

  40. His Huge Greatness Himself

    Some girls are really experts in kissing! Instant boner!

  41. eva destruction

    hey brimmer do you think you can take pete wentz

  42. Rhialto

    Where’s my Baby!?

  43. lola

    Pete is just trying to keep his hair from getting messed up ;) They are both really cute after a bit of work. I think Ashlee has a really beautiful unique hair color and the makeup looks great here. I don’t have any respect for them personally, but being a short guy who likes clothes does not make you gay.

  44. Pete Wentz

    I’m just gonna close my eyes and pretend Ashlee’s a penis…

  45. liz4sale

    i dont think they look very good together. i get the feeling he might be gay but he’s trying not to be. i mean they just try way too hard to prove their authenticity. it just looks so sad esp the first pic where shes completely got her hands on his face and shes all into it and hes standing there with his hands at his sides with his eyes half open. = ( looks very unnatural but maybe hes uncomfortable. I would be.

  46. THIS IS THE ROLE-MODEL-COUPLE FOR NAIVE AMERICANS!!

  47. X-Girl

    Is it just me or does Ashlee look like Jigsaw on the first pic? U know, the puppet from the Saw movies.

  48. lulu

    @26 LMAO hahahahahaha

    and now i have an image in my head of tony romo in assless chaps at a gay bar burned into my brain lol

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