Ashlee Simpson makes highway pit stop

May 10th, 2006 // 192 Comments

With her new nose and giant sunglasses Ashlee Simpson is starting to look suspiciously a lot like Paris Hilton. Although if she’s planning to take her identity and inherit her fortune, she’s gonna have to work on looking less like she just saw a unicorn dancing on a rainbow, and more like she thinks poor people should be ground into soap and used to wash her car.


  1. Feed_Me_Chocolate

    props to sweetcheeks.

  2. @48 – If you a man and you’re wearing heels, you are probably:

    1) Tom Cruise
    2) A closet homo (see #1)
    3) Having a serious case of short man(dick) complex (see #1)
    4) totally insane (see #1)


  3. BigJim

    TCLTC = Tom Cruise Loves To Copulate

    (with men)

  4. blondebubba


    Go fuck yourself and leave Lou alone.

  5. BigJim

    TCLTC = Tom Cruise Loves To Count

    (how many cocks he can fit inside his body at once)

  6. OK, Mission Impossible 3 underperforms, The German Canibal who ate a guys penis is being retried and we get Asley makes a pittstop? Come on, lets have some more stories here! (Although I loved the line about soap)

    P.S. Have you ever been out in public and just seen something so inappropiate? I was just at drive up window at the bank waiting, when I noticed that the person in the car in front of me was just leaning back in their seat not moviing and I could see a guys head bobbing up and down in his lap. Fuckin Tom Cruise, give your BJ’s at home, I got shit ta do!

  7. BigJim

    TCLTC = Tom Cruise Loves To Cuddle

    (up to a big hairy guy with an enormous cock)

  8. BigJim

    TCLTC = Tom Cruise Loves To Cram

    (a gigantic cock up his ass)

  9. ImCurly

    LMAO … Tough crowd … What’s even more amusing is half the people that post to this site with such “Negative” and “Cruel” words are usually ones who look like Spanky, or are some two-ton society hating pigs … Additionally they probably are the most miserable, jealous people with no life outside their computer … I think she looks good and I like her nose. I hardly would call her a scank, as I haven’t heard stories of her sleeping around at all … Get a life !

  10. blondebubba


    If Tom Cruise isn’t available…reference Gerald TYRANT

  11. Poor Ashlee, her head is so used to the weight of her old nose pulling her head down all the time. Now she walks around all day trying to hold her face up.

  12. zooza

    next superficial story…

    “Superficial blogger Gerald found dead at his computer, police with 157 leads”

  13. blondebubba, do me a favor, make up another name to make it look like you (Lou) has friends. After that, kill yourself.

    As for Lou, I’m done with it. Picking on window lickers is only fun for so long. Then it just gets mean.

  14. liya

    #60, i agree with you, she actually looks quite cute. give her credit when its due.

  15. #46 – That’s just in poor taste, I’m sorry.

    #48 – Ah. A woman after my own heart.

  16. liya

    #64, and i thought today was remarkably peaceful.

  17. 86

    Am I alone in thinking that our comments are all in fun?

  18. zooza

    thats the second time i’ve heard “window licker” in the last two days… what is that?

  19. pinky_nip

    TCLTC = Tom Cruise Loves The Cum

    (that’s dripping off the cock he just sucked)

  20. My comments are all in fun. Nothing directed at me has gotten my ire up either.

  21. Lou

    Gerald, I don’t need to make up a name to tell you to go fuck yourself. What’s wrong you’re bored with exposing yourself as the ass you are?

  22. Zooza, a window licker is someone who generally rides a short bus to school, wears a helmet, and tries to bite their own ear. One of God’s special children.

  23. blondebubba


    Does “ire” stand for tiny dick and no balls????

  24. zooza

    thanks gerald… and oh yeah, go fuck yourself :)

  25. Lou, exposing my ass should be the least of your worries.

    Blondebubba, yes, I feel so embarrassed now.

    Zooza, if only….

  26. Lou

    Gerald, I feel your running out of hateful material. Maybe you should go lie down and rest until the next posting.

  27. Fisher55

    TCLTC = Tom Cruise loves to cook

    (french cuisine)

  28. liya

    Hey leave Lou alone. I love the ‘First’ game. i live for that moment, gives you a sense of smug pride.

  29. Actually Lou, I prefer to mete out my hate in doses. Too much on one thread ruins it. I’ll just wait until your next *zing* and then we’ll be back at it.

  30. zooza

    TCLTC = Transexual Cocks Love Tom Cruise

  31. Fisher55

    46, LMAO

  32. pinky_nip

    TCLTC = Tom Cruise Loves the Cool

    (breeze of a cock slapping his face)

  33. BigJim

    This thread kinda sucks nard.

  34. Jennyface

    Is that a cherry tattoo on her ankle???

  35. TOMCRUISEluvsthecock

    There are only 4 certainties in this world:
    1. Death.
    2. Taxes
    3. Tom Cruise LOVES the cock.
    4. Ashlee Simpson is a no-talent, fugly whore.

  36. @85 – I think so, either that or some birthmark or dirt. If it’s a tat, what a fucking sad waste of ink.

  37. BigJim

    TCLTC = Tom Cruise Loosened The Chaps

    (and let them fall to the floor, exposing his exercise hardened buttocks. The muscular blonde man he met at the Village People concert grabbed Tom’s hips and eagerly pulled the waiting ass towards his throbbing ten inches of manhood. The blonde man grunted as he rammed his hardened rod into Tom’s yearning anus.

    Tom gasped in pain at the massive size and power of his lover’s organ, then squeeled in delight as he felt his ass stretched to its limit. Writhing in pleasure, Tom climaxed in anal orgasm simultaneously with his new friend.

    Just then, Kate walked into the room and said, “Tom, we’re out of bread. Can you go to the store for me?”

    Gasping and sweaty, Tom looked at his wife and said, “Sure thing, hon. Just as soon as I finish up with Land-man*.”

    *NOTE: Not meant to be an endorsement of the size of Land-man’s penis, but just to point out that, given the chance, he would ass-fuck Tom Cruise.

  38. TheRedInk

    are you sure thats not jessica…waifered a bit

  39. Jacq

    Gerald is ABSOLUTELY funny and we can come up with some WAY sicker, crazier shit than that. We have before and we will again. My suggestion is to grow some thicker skin.

  40. Thanks Jacq, I think most of the anger was towards my joke in #26. Sorry but that’s why god invented vibrators.

  41. roflynsolo

    Do these people who post first just sit there all day and stare at their computers waiting for a new picture/caption to pop up and then quickly post first. How exciting!

  42. go robby go

    but paris has a horrible nose.

    i hate to admit it, but ashlee’s new nose looks really good. especially considering the beak she used to have.

  43. tsarinaamanda


    I think I love you too. Oh god, I need reassurance. I’m not ugly, am I, AM I?????

    /just kidding. (Not about the love part, though)

  44. Fisher55

    92, don’t be jealous

  45. Fisher, please don’t use that arguement. Sorry, I just have a little more respect for you than to see you use the pathetic “jealous” response.

    Us: Making fun of Tom Cruise
    Sherry: You ppl (sic) are just jealous

    Us: Kirsten Dunst is fugly
    MeganHarris: You are all just jealous

    BigJim: I have a 7″ dick
    Land-Man: You are just jealous

    See the trend? Rise above my friend.

  46. tsarinaamanda

    Tyrants are cool! Reference Henry VIII, Nero, Mussolini (he’s more of a dictator though), and of course, Saddam Hussein.

  47. oh. now that EVERYone here knows what i look like. then wasn’t I right. I look like Kirsten Dunst. and she’s not fugly, Shes cute.

  48. What the hell is up with wasting cyberspace on the first posts?

    #16, ollol…

    Once again, I think she might be a little low on the brains, perhaps low on the skills too when it comes to singing, but she’s like hot compared to her sister.

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