Ashlee Simpson makes highway pit stop

May 10th, 2006 // 192 Comments
asimpson_highway_bathroom.jpg

With her new nose and giant sunglasses Ashlee Simpson is starting to look suspiciously a lot like Paris Hilton. Although if she’s planning to take her identity and inherit her fortune, she’s gonna have to work on looking less like she just saw a unicorn dancing on a rainbow, and more like she thinks poor people should be ground into soap and used to wash her car.

superficial

  1. Jacq

    At least she’s wearing shoes.

  2. Jacq

    The SF guy forgot to throw in something about herpes and festering sores.

  3. BarbadoSlim

    Good’ol ahslee simpson, she who likes to get wasted and go yell profanities at fast food restaurant employees, she just screams quality human being.

  4. Lou

    I guess we can just be thankful that her buttcrack is not featured in any of these pictures.

  5. Land-Man

    I would say she was daydreaming about the Land-Cock, but that look is more one of fear.

  6. Fisher55

    at least she’s not dipped in fucking *orange*

  7. HairPie

    Ashlee Simpson makes highway pit stop where she dropped a deuce that oddly smelled like Fez’s 8 inches of self-imagined manhood…

  8. Lou

    #6 I’m pretty this skank can take any cock that comes at her

  9. OMG Lou is sooooooo cool. First again. And still not a single bit of intelligence. Oh right, it’s my small dick, that’s why I don’t find humor in *zing*.

    As for Ashlee, thank god for this thread, I was starting to worry after that last Ashlee one. She was looking good, but now, proof positive, she’s still fugly.

  10. Feed_Me_Chocolate

    Wow, I actually thought that was Nicole Ritchie.

  11. Proteon

    Holy shit I thought that was Paris Hilton. A closer inspection reveals that Ashley is still a huge fat pig in comparison. When she gets down around the 50lb mark she’ll be where she wants to.

  12. VanillaSalTyBaLLs

    all the peeshes, peeshes, peeshes ov mee

  13. Feed_Me_Chocolate

    What’s with her hands clasped demurely beneath her chin? And the goggles?

  14. Lou

    Gerald why do you have to be such a hater? Didn’t your momma show you any love?

  15. Italian Stallion

    Those must be some fucking heavy ass sunglasses if she has to hold her head up like that, either that or she’s telling daddy she wants to play chokey, chokey, again…………..

  16. momma

    She looks more pregnant than Britney in that last picture.

  17. Lou, no but your momma did *zing*

    See the proper usage?

    The only thing I hate is seeing a thread fill up with 10 people all saying “First” or whatnot and never saying anything funny/mean.

    Like I said on a Denise thread, the Superficial tagling should be “If you don’t have anything mean to say, shut up and go away.”

  18. sweetcheeks

    Here in the l’il ol’ south we have a term for truckstop hookers: “lot lizards.”

  19. HairPie

    At second glance, she really does have that, “I just made a stinky” look on her face…

  20. Fisher55

    Gerald “Tyrant”

  21. Lou

    Gerald, I believe that you have “first” envy. I realize that you have given up on having a bigger cock or ever satisfying a woman but don’t loose hope on being first.

  22. tamtamtam

    pro: hair and skin NOT dyed to match
    con: she looks preggers in that dress

    pro: you can never wear too many bracelets at once
    con: those bug eye sunglasses have got to go

    pro: her new nose looks good
    con: a nose job is not a smart move for a singer…

    pro: …but she’s a terrible singer, so what’s she risking really?
    con: no matter how much surgery she has, she’s still ashlee simpson, and that’s gotta suck.

  23. Fisher55

    anyone see pepper dennis last night? olsen twins shit was kinda funny…

  24. B4USUCKMEDRY

    In the third picture of the bottom three it looks like a profile of Jessica because of the way she’s holding her mouth.
    That’s the first time I’ve ever seen any sort of resemblance.

  25. Lou, if you’ve been here longer than a week you’d know that I often get the first posting. And on those first posts, I even have comments.

    As far as pleasing a woman, I’m reminded of a joke.

    What does a woman’s face look like when she has an orgasm?

    Who the fuck cares.

  26. sweetcheeks

    So Rastafarian friendship bracelets are de riguer for second-rate pop stars?

    Does that means she’s “down with the herb”? I’m sure she LOTS of fun high. ‘Cause she’s super cool drunk. Just ask some McDonald’s employees.

  27. BigJim

    sherry-co loves the carpet.

  28. suzy

    her nose isn’t fixed in those pics

  29. suzy

    oh and by the way.. the US weekly mag that comes out today reports that Ashlee actually brought in a pic of paris hilton the nose doc because she wanted her nose

  30. tits_on_snack

    I hate flip-flops. I don’t care how trendy they are. They’re the footwear equivalent of sweatpants.

  31. Lou

    Gerald, So do you view yourself as somekind of SF bully? Oh, no Gerald please don’t take my milk money I’ll get rickets. Boo hoo. I could give a fuck less how long you’ve posted but if it makes you feel special go right ahead thinking the way you do.

  32. gogoboots

    She’s probably just stoned or whatever…

  33. BarbadoSlim

    She needs to either, have talent implants or have surgery to remove all the ashlee simpson.

  34. PapaHotNuts

    Last time I saw a face that ugly it had a Simpson attached to it.

  35. Jacq

    #4 – I bet you five million dollars your manager will like me, but fuck you ’cause you won’t kiss my foot. We have a situation up here! Things are getting out of hand!

    Papa pisses, pisses, pisses on meeee!

  36. #31. Amen, friend.

    I like Ashlee. I find her amusing. Almost as amusing as the fact that TOM CRUISE LOVES THE COCK.

  37. Where the fuck are you coming up with ‘bully’? You’re starting to sound like Sherry-co.

    And where the fuck do you get off talking about “I could give a fuck less how long you’ve posted but if it makes you feel special go right ahead thinking the way you do.”

    You’ve already admitted that in your pathetic, fed through cage bars life that getting the first post is all you have to look forward to.

    I guess I can see where you misconstrue my plea for you to post something intelligent if you get the first spot, but I can also see how that is expecting too much. I also suspect that your reaction to sunlight might be the same way since you probably haven’t been out of your mom’s since you were 5, that’s right just a few years ago.

  38. PocketRocket

    She has the ‘Paris’ look going for her, all right. Now, all she needs to complete the transformation is to appear in a video, bathed in night-vision optics, using baby-talk and attempting to swallow an enormous cock.

  39. Jacq

    #26 – My face is normally red when I climax because I like to be choked.

    Amendment to #36 – Before that goes ANYWHERE – I meant Papa Joe and the song. Not you HotNuts.

  40. DaveBenner

    Gerald, you’re not in charge. Shut the fuck up. If anyone wants to hear your opinion on anything other than the article in question, we’ll ask.

  41. Cuore56

    I’m sorry, is she wearing a pink crushed velvet shirt under a black maternity dress? She’s starting to look very Mary Kate Olsen, aside from the mini-belly bump.

  42. Anniebear

    I think she’s cute

  43. @41 – Yes, sir, I guess you’re in charge. What ever you say fuckwad.

  44. zooza

    wow, this is news?? i just took a dump…

  45. Conductor71

    If anyone would like to meet Sherry-co you can contact her here:

    http://www.dating4disabled.com/users/profile.asp?userid=5814

  46. pinky_nip

    I just read in the paper today that Ashpee will be performing at our local zoo this summer. You can’t make this shit up people (or should I say ppl).

    SCLTC

  47. sweetcheeks

    #31 — I concur. I think heels are the ONLY way to go. Fuck “ballet flats,” too.

    If you’re a woman, and you’re not currently wearing heels, you are probably:
    a) fat
    b) a lesbian
    c) both fat AND a lesbian, or
    d) incredibly comfortable.

    I wear high heels while bicycling, at the pool, while giving birth, and when I’m on the treadmill. Sure, it makes the run a more difficult, but my calves never looked better. And you should see the looks I get.

  48. 86

    1. Long scraggly blonde hair with black roots? Check
    2. Orange tinted skin? Check
    3. Big sunglasses? Check
    4. Complete lack of talent? Check
    5. Slept with Paris Hilton? Check
    Wait…

  49. Feed_Me_Chocolate

    The sun’ll come out
    Tomorrow
    Bet your bottom dollar
    That tomorrow
    There’ll be sun!

    Just thinkin’ about
    Tomorrow
    Clears away the cobwebs,
    And the sorrow
    ‘Til there’s none!

    When I’m stuck a day
    That’s gray,
    And lonely,
    I just stick out my chin
    And Grin,
    And Say,
    Oh!

    The sun’ll come out
    Tomorrow
    So ya gotta hang on
    ‘Til tomorrow
    Come what may
    Tomorrow! Tomorrow!
    I love ya Tomorrow!
    You’re always
    A day
    A way!

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