Ashlee Simpson is suggestive

December 2nd, 2005 // 67 Comments

I don’t have a dirty mind like you sick perverts out there, so I don’t really get what’s so funny about this picture. So she’s pretending to eat an ice cream cone or acting like a panting dog or something. Why is that funny? I don’t get it.

superficial

  1. Mary45

    I don’t think she could even lick a popcicle let alone anything else!

  2. HollyJ

    Related Side-Note: The tongue of the blue whale weighs nearly a ton.

  3. I agree with you whole-heartedly. Just because she’s thirsty and she was captured mid-motion of getting a drink of water through that giant straw she’s holding, people go nuts and assume the worst of someone. Listen, if you’re a drunken whore-slut that constantly pisses her pants even though you don’t wear panties because they would just get taken off every 8 minutes anyway, you’re going to get dehydrated. LAY OFF PEOPLE!

  4. SideBar

    can someone please xplain to me why we still talk about this misfit….

  5. TheRanchTooth

    What’s with the disgusting Borg Robo Tit?

  6. SideBar

    guys…her “stage crew” obviously told her that her lyrics…otherwise known to her as “her lines” were on a magical projector screen that is invisible to everyone except her…to activate it all she has to do is wear a low cut top…bend WAAAAAY down…and try to lick her own cleavage…

  7. FIVE0

    When will all of these attention-whores finally quit their “careers” and do as Paris and just become 2nd rate porn queens? I mean I’m all for seeing the money-shots that they’d all have to take, just to pay their dues.

  8. Wolfy23

    Oh, who could get Ashley Simpson to pose in that position and stick her tongue out… *cough Joe Simpson cough* Wha? Whaaa!?? I’m just saying.

  9. plumcrazy

    Shes so ugly, there is no way that Jessica and her are sisters, i believe one of the two are adopted…

  10. Oh come now guys, its just rude to post a picture of someone elses blowup doll. *checks his closet* Shit, that was mine! :(

  11. little_miss_perfect

    That is one mutant tongue.

  12. Binky

    Apparently it’s caused by a lack of sweat glands. But, with her track record, I doubt if she could do than AND wag her tail at the same time.

  13. Binky

    ‘that* ‘ typo, so will try again.
    UUUGGG ! It’s about time Gene Simmons wore that Kiss make-up 24/7 !!!

  14. CoJo

    She’s so ugly, she needs to be good in this department (if you know what I mean), otherwise, how would she ever get a second date?

  15. SideBar

    Second Date?? Whoa slow down cowboy…this is her trying desperatly to land a first date..you are moving too fast…

  16. WickedBitch

    You guys’ve got it all wrong. She was giving a shout out to her homeys saying “Whassuuuuuuup.”

  17. SideBar

    well if i had to guess..i would say nothing is “up” after a disply like this…

  18. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh

    Hey, this picture made me realize that I suddenly think Ashlee Simpson is hot!

  19. Maybe Papa Simpson is trying to capitalize on the recent popularity of tiny little dogs. Maybe he was like, “Hey Ash, instead of buying a tiny little poodle and carrying it around in your purse, why don’t you ACT like a little poodle.”

  20. CoJo

    Maybe this was her attempt to get that first date…”Hey everybody, look at me! I have a tongue, I know how to lick…and boobs…and I’m blond…my sister’s Jessica Simpson” DATE ME PLEASE!

  21. BoredAtWork

    She’s just getting ready to lick up Jessica’s sloppy second’s (Nick), like she did with Jess’s singing career. Gross!

  22. derekd

    Ugly? Whatever. She’s no super model but not ugly. Of course I can’t defend the fact that she has no talent. But hey as they say, “don’t hate the player hate the game.”

  23. deluxxe

    wtf? no tongue piercing? pffffff. i thought she was supposed to be the “angst-ridden hardcore” sister? no tongue piercing + no tattoos = weak

  24. SideBar

    she is slowly reinventing herself for a new country album…surely that will take…all she will have to do is whine and complain and be from Texas…it’s a sure thing. This is one of her first steps….becoming one with farm animals…

  25. ayteesevn

    Apparently just sucking at life isn’t enough for Ashlee; now she’s taking advantage of innocent young microphones.

  26. assholic

    good lord, the things you guys come up with…. she’s certainly aint ugly though she does have a beak for a nose….

  27. punkass

    Can you say Courtney Love ;)

  28. SirLestat

    I guess the picture had some effect on readers because nobody noticed the typo in the article title/webpage name

  29. mikeski

    You know what I like? The hairpin. It’s the little things, really, that keep it classy.

  30. Juliette

    lol hairpin..

    She’s a whore, ’nuff said.

  31. Francine-A-Go-Go

    Her tongue belongs to daddy.

  32. The Scarlet Bitch

    Lay off, it’s a hot day, she’s happy, and someones going to feed her a scooby snack. Either that, or she dribbled tequila and she’s making sure it doesn’t go to waste.

  33. derekd

    Everybody I’m sure noticed the typo SirLestat. But us faithful Superficial readers are already used to it and it is an exercise in futility to point it out. Editor? Editor? Iz thar an editour in the hoose?

  34. valleyg

    She’s gross…and makes an ugly-ass blonde.

    Even though Jessica and her define the term “dumb blonde,” her hair looks better when it’s poopy brown.

  35. Beth

    I’d say this picture makes me gag, but well, you know.

    “We’ll always have Paris.”

  36. I actually really like this picture.

  37. Aaron

    Dude, I think this photo is SO hot. I think her tongue is sexy.

  38. assholic

    you got your eyes checkd, mate? it’s the size of a dinousaur’s, really.

  39. Bill Clinton

    That picture is so perfect. I’m speachless. Takes me back…Monica had a tongue like that. :sob:

    Ladies please pose just like that and send the pictures to me. (to cheer me up) BillClinton@funkb.us

  40. Linnea

    I was just about to go to sleep but now I’m going to be up all night dreading that that monster will come through my window.

  41. MaMaMonkey

    “Okay Ashley, down the hatch……”

  42. billabong021

    So.. if i paint my shaft blak and my head silver, maybe I can actually trick her into a handjob? U know, I do think it might actually work..

  43. sadietolstoy

    Horrible, horrible. She is a pox on society and should be banned.

  44. ZaZ

    Second the pox.

    Here is a splendid oppurtunity for every penis bearing biped on the planet. The easiest way to shut it up.

    Insert.

  45. Amorena

    Actually, she had just heard a playback of a song she had sung… she was reacting honestly, if rather immaturely, to the sound before she realized it was her own voice she was hearing and recouped, quickly pasting on the simpson smile.

  46. 42. Posted by billabong021 on December 3, 2005 10:56 AM

    So.. if i paint my shaft black and my head silver, maybe I can actually trick her into a handjob? U know, I do think it might actually work..

    ____________
    Very funny
    But could you stand her horrid voice?

  47. You said:

    “So she’s pretending to eat an ice cream cone or acting like a panting dog or something. Why is that funny? I don’t get it.”

    That’s because it’s NOT funny. She musta been drunk or something. Or desperate to get people’s attention.

  48. Mr Thrash

    skinnygirl77: “That’s because it’s NOT funny. She musta been drunk or something. Or desperate to get people’s attention.”

    OR despearate to get people’s attention? Have you MET the Sisters Simpson? “Simpson” will soon become a verb, like Google or Xerox, meaning “to attract unnecessary and unflattering attention by consistently outdoing your last SPS (Stupid Publicity Stunt).” Example: “Hey, Tom Cruise is on Letterman tonight. I wonder if he will Simpson?”

  49. leecain317

    PLATYPUS !!!!

  50. Stacyy

    ewwwww did nybody else notice her tongue is.. is.. is just disgustingly/boring/repulsive/threatening??

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