Ashlee Simpson continued to play cute about the rumors that she’s pregnant. You know, the ones that conveniently started spreading around the release of her new album. When asked if she was pregnant on Ellen Degeneres today, Ashlee wouldn’t give a definitive answer. God willing, she’ll be able to milk this until her next mediocre album in 2010. Us Magazine reports:
“Do I look like I had 10 cheeseburgers or something … because I don’t think I do,” before standing up.
Pointing to a photo of Jennifer Lopez, DeGeneres then asked, “You’re not going to keep this answer up as long as this woman did….”
Laughing, Simpson replied, “No, I’m not. I swear. I promise you that. I give you my pinky on that.”
After the show, Ellen decided to take Ashlee up on her offer and cut off her pinky for collateral. Pete Wentz heroically came to the rescue by whipping out his penis*. This caused Ellen to emit an ear-piercing shriek before changing into a bat and vanishing into the night. For such are the ways of her kind.**
*Presence of male genitalia assumed for comedic purposes only.
**Some scientists claim lesbians actually change into werewolves. The Superficial will not choose a side in this hotly contested debate until further research is conducted. Preferably in the form of pudding wrestling and/or nude decathlons.