Ashlee Simpson is having twins

September 8th, 2008 // 59 Comments

Ashlee Simpson is reportedly carrying twins, according to E! Online:

Hip-hop artist Tyga, Pete’s buddy, says that the parents-to-be are expecting not one but two bundles of joy.
“They’re having twins,” Tyga said in an exclusive interview yesterday at the House of Hype’s pre-VMA barbecue. “They’re really happy.”

Ah, twins. Nature’s magical “fuck you.” Except this time it’s directed at all of us because Pete Wentz just goddamn multiplied. At least we can take comfort knowing that, when evil strikes, the Wentz-Simpson family will join together to form Chin-tron: Defender of the Universe if You Count Perpetually Smiling Like a Douche as a Means of Defense.

Photos: Splash News
superficial

  1. someguy

    First.

    Or third, perhaps.

    Oh, and who the hell cares about this cunt?

  2. Jupiter Girl

    OMG..its an epidemic! i think they’ll be cute…this should be interesting ;)

  3. Jupiter Girl

    OMG..its an epidemic! i think they’ll be cute…this should be interesting ;)

  4. tight lipped smiler

    Hope she doesn’t try to sing to them once they get ears. They’re likely to try to strangle each other in the womb.

  5. Dumdidum

    Let’s hope the little buddies don’t stab themselves with their chins in there.

  6. Skeps

    Jesus H Fucking Christ she’s a hot prego. Before she was way to stick figured, but now if I was Wentz you would be able to get me outa bed

  7. Skeps

    Jesus H Fucking Christ she’s a hot prego. Before she was way to stick figured, but now if I was Wentz you wouldn’y be able to get me outa bed

  8. Sam

    They’re their dad’s boys – even in utero, they’re fighting over who gets to take it in the ass.

  9. rough daddy

    wooop teee doo!

  10. Peeps a do

    The lack of gossip has me disgruntled this morning…This is all you have for Monday? WTF…I need more gossip. Twins? who cares? Brittney didn’t perform..who cares? I want love affairs, someone tripped and fell and ate shit! C’mon people!

  11. it's me Fuckers!

    she looks good pregnant. Too bad she is such a fucking moron. Call me ‘old school’ but I fucking HATE it when ‘men’ wear their hair like that.

  12. it's me Fuckers!

    this hair style on men is going to be the what the mullet was to the 80′s.

  13. pj

    this news broke about two months ago, in a radio interview with pete w.

  14. very true

    # 13.
    pete is a douche for referring to his newborns as “they” instead of “it” or “she” or “he”.

  15. Ferdinand Narcos

    Dayum!Papa Joe is one fertile daughter fucker!

    And Pete Wentz is still a fugly ass faggot.

  16. Flip

    Poster child for the upholding of Roe vs. Wade. “been around the world and found that only stupid people are breeding”… yeah breeding, like dogs.

  17. Racer X

    She has a HUGE CHIN!!!

  18. #6 & 7 (couldn’t resist)

    Gotta agree with you. She is pretty damn hot.

    #17

    The better to rest your elbows on while, you know…

  19. John McCain

    Great. We’re gonna need a bigger coat hanger.

  20. Sugar

    It’s not true. They’re doing everything they can to please Papa Joe and whore this pregnancy out for as much media attention as possible. Not twins.

  21. edamame

    I saw pics yesterday of Jessica Simpson looking waaay preggo…enough
    procreating for one freakin’ family!!!!!

  22. Tell her to come get handouts from me. Ill give her (and anyone else) whatever they want or need, as long as its only someone i approve of.

    Oh, and and if youre black, ill give you TONS more…just come see me in my million dollar, taxpayer funded house I purchased.

    Yea, its true, I had time to write 2 books, but I never wrote a single bit of legislation. Big deal…I can speak better than any black person alive.

    Whats that?…Condaleeza who? Colin who? Walter Williams who? nah, never heard of em. Who are those nobodies? I am friends with real blacks, like rappers, movie stars and other people that could be brain surgeons.

  23. crabby old guy

    So she’s having twins? Who hasn’t? I like it best when they’re the fraternal type and look different – that’s way hotter than having two that look alike (too boring after the third or forth poke). You get all ‘em both all worked up and whip out the chocolate syrup…oh…wait.

    I guess I should’ve read the story along with the headline.

    Never mind.

  24. Clem

    She’s lovely, he looks like a chimp in a suit.

  25. John McCain

    I’ll jump-start the economy! What’s an economy? Who said that? That’s it, I’m declaring WAR!

    SCREAM SCREAM SCREAM SCREAM SCREAM SCREAM SCREAM SCREAM

    oops, I pooped my pants again. Nurse!

  26. Cindy McCain

    John, I’ve got your Depends right here. And please stop calling me “nurse”.

  27. lulu

    I agree with you #10—there’s nothing juicy goin’ on

  28. Dohz

    The little skit between her and her squirrel of a husband was nauseating.

  29. Turd Ferguson

    I’ll bet she faking this too.

    Wait for the stupid little dance…..wait fot it……

  30. yeah

    two more fucktards to step into this world, let’s celebrate

  31. Sarah Palin

    Cindy, be sure not to empty the Depends. He likes to eat it while I stand on his chest with my moosehide spike heels tapping his nuts with my crop made out of the dried placenta of my grand …. erase that … plain blank child. My church calls it “enlightenment exercises.”

  32. e

    #29 —BAHAHA!! Good one
    I really can’t remember why she’s famous, but she looks happy and the belly suits her, quite cute!

  33. the economy?…what is that? I never learned about that helping blacks get more government money…whats an economy? you mean like at a hotel room?or flying economy?..yea, thats it. I want everyone who works hard to fly economy so they can give that extra money to those that dont want to work. thats economy.

    Oh wait…you must be talking about jump starting it because of the idiots that went and got loans and couldnt afford them?..or the ones that signed away even though they didnt understand they were going to pay interest only at first? or perhaps the ones that listen to the liberal media, that loves me because of my paltry experience, and think what they say is law and freak out, selling stock because they think we are heading somewhere bad?

    I hear there are lots of people doing great right now, I know I am. My books I wrote are somewhere in the top 1000 sellers. How about that, not bad for a black guy that went to harvard then never worked for a paycheck in his life. Hell, Ill bet I couldnt even get a job managing McDonalds if they looked at my real work experience. You know why?…Because I have none.

    Im really afraid of getting my ass handed to me by this no-name woman from Arkansas..er..that was before, Alaska is what I meant. I mean shit…She was building her resume and working hard as a commercial fisherman while I was off doing blow and smoking weed on the taxpayers dollar, thanks to affirmative action.

    Im owed this presidency because Im black…I deserve that chance because I want change. i dont know what Ill change and I havent told anyone yet, but I will, I promise. Just take my word. Ive brought n board a man that has been in the government for 35 yrs and Ill get government funding for more mosques to be built in the USA, hows that for change?

  34. John McCain

    Those are a lot of words. Words confuse me. I try to say them, but then I get it wrong. Just like my friend George Bush. He’s been really great, and I’ll be exactly like him. Look at my convention speech – except for my POW story, all the lines come directly out of George’s speeches at the 2000 and 2004 conventions, with only minor paraphrasing. The only problem was I meant to say “NO change” but I kept forgetting the first word. I really do hate words. Wanna fight instead? I love fighting. Where’s Iran?

  35. Look at me, Im running with a colored guy.

    I mean, you got the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy, I mean, that’s a storybook, man.

    Ill get in there and…oh wait. What am I thinking. Ill never make it past the debate against that woman from Alaska. She will have me borrowing depends from McCain…which isnt too un-realistic anyways, seeing as how im not too far off from his age anyways.

    Im really scared. That woman knows her stuff and all I can do is plagiarize everything. Thats why I had the shortest presidential campaign in the history of the USA.

    Haha…kinda like how short Barack Osamas time on top was…3 months.

    Oh well, Im sure he can go back to wasting taxpayer dollars and start a run for office in 2012…and not do any work like previously. Maybe he will get John Edwards to join him, as hes perfect at doing the same thing.

  36. Words confuse me , yes. Only when they come from liberals mouths. We dont need change. We dont need to bail anyone out. Theres this thing called personal responsibility that I believe in. If you dig yourself in a hole, its your own problem. If you didnt know the consequences, tough shit. You do now.

    I hope Iran will be ready when we go in there with Iraqis and annihilate their leaders ass. You see, its not the Iranian people, only a few in their regime. For the most part, Iranians hate him as much as the rest of the world. Hes an embarrassment to their country , kinda like Ted Kennedy, Barack Osama, John Kerry and John Edwards are to ours. Total embarrassment.

    Anyways, Im not the one you need to worry about…its Sarah. The gun toting, hard working take no shit governor of Alaska. She has done more hard work in a month than Barack Osama has done in his life. Hell, hes never even run a business…what the hell would he know about being president? Hes been a mouthpiece for the nation of islam, black panther party and the lazy, corrupt people of chicago. Hes good at draining the pocketbook of those that work to support those that dont.

    Anyways, like Joe Biden, you guys will be coming to borrow my depends when she gets done with your liberal asses. Better get on government assistance while you can lazy asses.

  37. Gabs

    I think she looks lovely!

  38. el ces

    She looks good here. Very pretty.

  39. Pat

    “Theres this thing called personal responsibility that I believe in. If you dig yourself in a hole, its your own problem. If you didnt know the consequences, tough shit. You do now.”

    lmao – that’s exactly what the Republicans will being hearing after they lose the election after pretending they haven’t been in power for most of the last 10 years.

  40. obama jugeared bastard

    obama is an obvious affirmative action case. he claims in his book that he was so drugged out that he couldn’t remember his highschool years but still made it to harvard? the moron thinks that there are 57 states.

  41. Ferdinand Narcos

    That would be hilarious except you don’t seem to understand the Iraqis are already collaborating with Iranians.Of course,being a fear mongering cocksucking Republican fuckwad,you wouldn’t grasp any kind of geopolitics.And,as for that stupid cunt the Reptards are hiding away from the press because she doesn’t know shit from shinola,all she seems to have done is spend a few years trying to get every book that doesn’t preach Jesus rode a dinosaur banned from the public libraries in her homwetown,and building a sports center that still getting said hometown and the state of Alaska sued fifty ways to Sunday,she and her husband(when he could keep form fucking anything that moves,engaged in harrassing and firing state employess that didn’t do her bidding.

    Fucking Rethugs,pedophiles, thieves,liars,fascist and whores.

  42. give it up

    #40 – yeah, he’s definitely not smart like George Bush.

  43. @39

    haha sonny boy. Keep thinking that. When its all said and done, it wont surprise me to see a 60/40 split, in favor of McCain/ Palin…and thats only if blacks and liberal white guilt ridden college kids actually go and vote. Historically, they dont.

    It wouldnt surprise me to see Osama take some of his hard “begged” for money and bus the people in to the polling stations, all the while giving them free lunch and drinks.

  44. Pat

    #43 – dream on. Check the unemployment and inflation figures. And all forecasts are for further increases in both. That’s why the Republicans are pretending they haven’t been in power. It’s not theoretical – these are the things that put great stress on a very large majority of the people. People are going to vote on the economy, not war or “family values.” McCain will continue to flub his responses to economic questions and try to redirect everything to Iraq, Iran, and terrorism. It won’t work, and in fact it will serve to piss people off because they’re not making ends meet anymore and they don’t give a fuck about “fight-fight-fight” anymore. Palin doesn’t matter – VP choices always get a lot of attention because they occur relatively close to the election, but they have never made a measurable difference. Even Quayle didn’t hurt Bush, and he was more retarded than Bush’s son.

    The only way Obama will lose the election is if his campaign collapses, and it won’t collapse. He’s very careful and cautious and deliberate, which is why he usually sounds like the university lecturer that he is. It makes him not particularly likable, compared to McCain, but he’ll make far fewer errors. Just like in Vietnam, it’s inevitable that McCain will get reckless and get shot down during the rest of the campaign, especially since he’s got so many flip-flops to try to remember and he’s already showing signs of senile dementia.

  45. @41

    Yea, ok. And this is coming from your vast intel from across the middle east, right?

    Love the name calling kid. It shows right off the bat you dont have much to say about the topic. Such an emotional one arent you? thats the problem, you let your feelings conform the brain and control of making the right decision. Typical, yes. Funny, Hell Yes!

    Shit from Shinola…is that some kind of Osama saying? Or did you mean to say that about him? It is really hard to find any accomplishments Osama has had while a junior senator…like, REALLY hard.

    Jesus huh? Like the guy Osama was talking about when he came out at his speech and said “All Praise be to Jesus”? That Jesus?

    …thats what I thought kid. Full of hot air, insults and vile disregard for MY country. Youre like the chow/ lab mix down the street from me. He comes at me barking, teeth showing and gnarling full force, but when I stand my ground and kick him in the fucking side of his head with reality, he yelps and hauls ass away, only to return again the next day. You know the difference though?…He stays in his yard and does it…hes smart enough to figure out hes the stupid over reacting with his emotions.

    Get back to your yard poodle…

  46. @44

    WOW, the stupidity is getting better and better.

    far fewer errors? like these:

    he stated that his uncle had helped liberate concentration camps, and was among the “first American troops” at Auschwitz”

    “57 states”

    “his muslim faith”

    “above his pay grade”

    “Just this past week, we passed out of the U.S. Senate Banking Committee, which is my committee, a bill to call for divestment from Iran, as a way of ratcheting up the pressure to ensure that they don’t obtain a nuclear weapon. ”

    Obama isn’t on the Senate Banking Committee!

    Unemployment is lower than when Clinton was in office. GOD…KNOW or at least check your stats before you come on here looking stupid.

    Inflation is about par for where the economy is, no better or worse than it usually is.

    Economy is in good shape. maybe for people that have no skill or anything to contribute its not so good, but realistically its doing well. Ends are meeting fine, there are just idiots out there that are digging holes with credit cards and BS mortgage loans.

    Palin matters so much more than you see I guess. It gae those of us that dont really care for McCain someone to support and put faith in. VPs dont matter huh? Well why are all the dumbocrats always always always trying to rip him apart? Simple answer…it does matter.

    Yea, he sounds like a community college lecturer because he cant give a god damned straight answer about anything and cant speak without the teleprompter. Have you seen him in interviews without the answers inf ront of him? Its comical…almost charlie chaplin like when he opens his eyes real big and stutters, trying to sound smart. hes a lost cause and , dream on if you like, will never even get 50% of the vote.

    So if I were you, Id be trying to find someone else to put youre white guilt behind and support. I heard Jesee Jackson is out of the hospital now, maybe you can go serve him. Or maybe go volunteer at the nation of islam. they need some good guilty feelin white boys.

    So yea, off the top of my head in 30 seconds, I proved you wrong easily. I ought to start charging here for all my knowledge…Its like Im a professor all over again.

    Geez, if I had known it would be this easy I would have my liberal brother in law type this to you.

  47. WhoCares!!

    So for the most part I still cant stand her, but she does look cute peggers. I’m really liking the hair color on her..

  48. duh

    If you recall (and obviously you don’t) unemployment was over 7% when Clinton took office and he brought it down steadily until it was around 4% by the time he left office. It spiked back up to 6% after 9/11, declined slowly after that, and now has spiked back up, just like it did before Bush’s dad lost the 1992 election.

    Palin doesn’t matter just like PUMA didn’t matter. “Non-energized” core Republicans were going to drag themselves off to the polls and hold their noses and vote for McCain, because they’re definitely not the type who would sit at home and passively let Obama get elected. Just about anybody else, sure, but not Obama (black commie muslim terrorist). PUMAs were going to bitch and complain and then bitterly vote for Obama, because the post-flipflop McCain is anti-everything that the PUMAs were for. It was all noise.

    Every election in recent times has been decided by centrists and independents. It’ll be no different this year. Palin is irrelevant. If she shows great strength, it’ll undermine McCain, so in that sense she’ll be relevant – to be at the top of the ticket next time. You can’t run against the other guy’s VP, and you can’t get elected on the strength of your own VP. It’s Obama vs. McCain. The Republican fantasy is Obama vs. Palin/McCain (well, that’s their political fantasy; their sexual fantasy is sitting down on a toilet next to a very active glory hole).

  49. Tim

    It’s simpler than all that: independents will determine this election, and independents are $$$ conservatives, not religious conservatives. In the end they won’t care about Palin one way or the other. They’re concerned about the economy, jobs, and real estate (nobody really knows what their house is worth, with all the foreclosures, and your home is the primary financial asset for the middle class). Obama seems much sharper, like Clinton, but he seems likely to raise taxes, while McCain seems much less likely to raise taxes, but like the elder Bush he’s much more focused on foreign policy and seems distracted and uninterested about domestic $$$ issues other than taxes. 2008 is 1992 all over again…except for the race factor. That’s the only unknown. Palin, everything else – doesn’t matter at all.

  50. Well, I think youre both wrong. I was uninterested in the election until she was picked.

    If anything, it will make it an exciting race. I like the fact that she has a background and a track record of work. Have you seen Obamas work charted and graphed like hers has been in the short time shes been a running mate? Have we heard anything other than of the 143 days he worked and the 80% of the time he voted present instead of helping legislate and put peoples needs and wants to the test?

    I was interested in Obama when he announced his candidacy but have yet to be impressed by anything other than the fact that he made it through school that long. I was hardly able to do it for 4, much less 8+, so hes a trooper.

    Her coming in and having things in common with some of us, especially women, makes her a viable threat to the opposite sides candidacy. I , for one, am ready for someone a little more like me. If she is who she appears to be, you will find a lot of other women that feel the same way I do.

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