Ashlee Simpson is having Pete Wentz’s baby. Us Magazine ended the speculation today that started when the couple announced their engagement last Wednesday:
Ashlee Simpson is pregnant, a source confirmed to Usmagazine.com. The singer, 23, is expecting her first child with fiancé Pete Wentz, 28.
First off, congratulations, to the happy couple. Way to prove everybody wrong and figure out the mechanics of sexual intercourse. Frankly, I’m stunned. That said, my condolences to Ashlee. Nothing short of the Jaws of Life will get that kid’s chin out of your birth canal. But it’s worth it for that priceless bundle of joy. I mean, really, who needs a vagina anyway? What with today’s economy and all.
Photo: Getty Images
That Guy | April 14, 2008 at 3:36 pm
HELLO IM NUMBER 57
luna | April 14, 2008 at 3:37 pm
oh no all the sad little 13 year olds are going to cry
wont some one think of the children
i shocked he let someone else play with his penis beside mrs PALMER
and even more surprised that his chick knew what to do with it
some people never cease to amaze
Gossip girl | April 14, 2008 at 3:37 pm
YUCK, THAT BABY WILL CHIN LIKE JAY LENO!!
bakinmycake | April 14, 2008 at 3:38 pm
once they past the epiglotis anything can happen….
Randal | April 14, 2008 at 3:38 pm
Hi everyone, sorry for not posting lately. I went to NYC for the Paris Hilton, be a best friend contest. Thought I’d give it a shot.
Anyhow, we all know Ashlee is going to be a great mother and influence on her child. I wish her and Pete all the best in the months to come.
Congrats!
Randal
RENEE | April 14, 2008 at 3:39 pm
So she’s really not just his beard? Seriously??? Anyways, sorry to say, but that kids gonna be one fugly little fugster.
RENEE | April 14, 2008 at 3:40 pm
…espc considering her “original” schnozola
That Guy | April 14, 2008 at 3:40 pm
NOOOOOOOO NOT PETE WENTZ IF HE GETS MARRIED THEN MAYBE FALLOUT BOY WILL DIE…..WAIT…THAT SOUNDS GREAT HOOORAY FOR THE GIMP AND THE ONE KNOWN AS CHIN!
just one little pill | April 14, 2008 at 3:42 pm
Hello, it’s called BIRTH CONTROL, people. Something the Simpson and Spears parents should’ve practiced years ago.
Cindy | April 14, 2008 at 3:43 pm
So…ok, best I can guess, they took the turkey baster, shoved it up Petey’s red-rimmed butthole, extracted the semen that’s almost always there, and stuck it up in Ashley. So now the only question is, who’s the dad? I’m guessing maybe Tony Romo, from a family vacation where he get sick and tired of being the bottom all the time.
luna | April 14, 2008 at 3:44 pm
the chin of that child is going to be huge
i bet she will book in for a c-section because she will be to afraid to give birth via the vagina. i just wanted to say vagina. haha i did it again.
anywho that will be one ugly messed up kid.
let take bets on one how much the first pictures will go for
disillusionisreal | April 14, 2008 at 3:45 pm
Next will be the perfunctory reality show where we get to see the live birth! Yeah! I can wait. Please. Please. No more!
mamadough | April 14, 2008 at 3:47 pm
pete is the cover up for papa joe seeding his own spawn.
PunkA | April 14, 2008 at 3:48 pm
The real question is, whose baby is it? I mean, it is not as if Pete is man enough to whip up the baby batter and serve it to a chick. That fem could’t impregnate anyone at a fertility clinic. So I’m guess it belongs to Daddy Simpson and Pete is the cover story.
PunkA | April 14, 2008 at 3:49 pm
#13, you beat me to it!! You suck dough.
Sambo the Ass Pirate | April 14, 2008 at 3:52 pm
sure sure, but if the kid ends up looking like Suri Cruise, we’ll know the Scientologists have once again impregnated an Icelandic goose with the semen of LRon Hubbard.
PWLTC
Auntie Kryst | April 14, 2008 at 3:52 pm
If these douchefuckers dare put eyeliner on a newborn someone better shoot them down..
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sameshitdifferentyear | April 14, 2008 at 3:55 pm
“Ashlee Simpson is definitely irrelevant”
Oops, actually that’s the headline of her life every day first thing in the morning.
Wendiva | April 14, 2008 at 3:56 pm
Hello? Didn’t these two idiot’s release a video like a month ago saying they were pregnant? And then they said “no, no, it’s just a joke!” And now they announce it again? Why didn’t they just roll it in with the news of their engagement? Whatever. Freaking Tools!
mamadough | April 14, 2008 at 3:58 pm
holy shit randal, i hope that you are the soon-to-be victim of a hate crime
Sid | April 14, 2008 at 3:59 pm
Congrats to Ashlee, Pete, and Baby Leno.
I Am Oshkosh | April 14, 2008 at 4:00 pm
Don’t you mean, “definitelee”?
lickchin | April 14, 2008 at 4:03 pm
BIRTH CONTROL !!!!
with all that money its stupid they get pregnated so young…. !!!
stupid / insecure whores…
Yo Momma | April 14, 2008 at 4:04 pm
White girls are so fuckin’ ugly!!!
JackSpratling | April 14, 2008 at 4:06 pm
Ha!
If it’s a boy, they’ll move back to Wilmette, Illinois so their baby can relive the formative years of ass-kickings and eyeliner. The hallways of New Trier are brutal, just brutal.
If it’s a girl, they’ll just drop her off with Papa Joe so she can experience creepy stares and inappropriate comments from her grandfather.
Health Class Teacher | April 14, 2008 at 4:08 pm
And to think, all these years I’ve been teaching that you can’t get pregnant when a gay guy spits semen into your vagina.
kirsten dunst | April 14, 2008 at 4:10 pm
…and like the other 9.5 out of 10 posts on this site, who honestly gives a shit.
Ted Mosby | April 14, 2008 at 4:12 pm
I have a sneaky suspicion that Jessica will announce a pregnancy soon.
weird | April 14, 2008 at 4:23 pm
I didnt think you could get pregnant from your boyfriend sleeping with another man.
Jimbo | April 14, 2008 at 4:27 pm
Which one is Ashley?
oh please | April 14, 2008 at 4:46 pm
LOOK, CLEARLY THIS IS JUST ANOTHER “TRAP” BABY. DON’T BE SO JUDGMENTAL. I’M SURE THE MAJORITY OF PEOPLE ON THIS BOARD WERE NOT PLANNED BY BOTH PARENTS BEFORE CONCEPTION. NOTICE I SAID “BOTH” PARENTS.
Clem | April 14, 2008 at 4:46 pm
Brooke Hogan is the dad.
Elliot_Spitz_On_Her | April 14, 2008 at 4:48 pm
The strangest part is, he’s the one who pissed on the EPT.
whatever | April 14, 2008 at 4:52 pm
Everyone knows that famous chicks have super ovaries that drop an egg even while taking birth control pills just as prescribed. This, of course completely defies science and research and all that jazz. It also doesn’t help that famous dudes have super sperm that can swim through condoms and even, (in this case, through another gay man) to get to their intended destination. So they actually really tried to be socially responsible and not create a demon child of douchetacularness, but they just couldn’t help it! Aww who am I kidding, that bitch has been dropping her pills down the drain and poking holes in condoms since day 1.
LOVE LARRY | April 14, 2008 at 4:54 pm
NOTHING SAYS ROMANTIC LIKE GETTING ENGAGED CAUSE YOU’RE PREGNANT. THE GAYS MUST BE SO JEALOUS
francesca | April 14, 2008 at 4:56 pm
uh…does anyone think they look WAY TOO MUCH ALIKE in that picture?
francesca | April 14, 2008 at 4:56 pm
uh…does anyone think they look WAY TOO MUCH ALIKE in that picture?
francesca | April 14, 2008 at 4:56 pm
uh…does anyone think they look WAY TOO MUCH ALIKE in that picture?
Kingsley Amis | April 14, 2008 at 5:00 pm
You know, maybe Jessica is the pretty one AND the smart one.
Pete Wentz's dick | April 14, 2008 at 5:01 pm
and by “pregnant” you mean “a cunt”
Summer Kat | April 14, 2008 at 5:01 pm
Doesn’t anyone use protection anymore??!!! Fucking idiots!!!!! A woman getting knocked up is the WORST reason EVER to get married.
Jammy | April 14, 2008 at 5:02 pm
Apparently her uterus is in her chin.
Annie Rexia | April 14, 2008 at 5:09 pm
Someone needs to develope a home abortion kit. Those two fucktards would gladly “test it out” for some extra cash. Ash could do the “hoe down” afterwards. Either way, let’s pray for a miscarriage. Put the poor little fetus out of it’s misery.
ldsqtbea | April 14, 2008 at 5:10 pm
… well … umm …. best of luck to them :-D hopefully they can handle both marriage and a new little bundle of joy :-D
ldsqtbea | April 14, 2008 at 5:14 pm
#42
totally agree … someone should stand outside of the nightclubs and pass out condoms … and totally with you on how bad of idea it is to get married because of a kid … i mean, its nice and all but a kid wont keep a marriage together … everyone takes marriage and having children so light nowadays
Mighty | April 14, 2008 at 5:14 pm
Dang! the chin jokes have already been made…I guess it was as obvious as a “chin” in the middle of the face… oh well…here’s a list of names for your baby…
Chinzila!
Chin Kong!
Chinapalooza
Chinmongus
Chinmendous
Chintastik!
Galactichin
Gigantachin
Macrochin
Elephanchin
The one AU chin!
ChinDoucheLee?
ZzzzzzZzzzz
oprah's vagina | April 14, 2008 at 5:19 pm
#42
when you think about it, condoms haven’t been around that long. several hundred years but i mean really, since humans have been alive, men have preferred to fuck raw. i mean really have you ever met a guy who just couldn’t wait to put on a condom? sure guys will do it but often because a woman insists. they don’t proactively pursue it. hell, elliot spitzer was trying to get hookers to let him fuck them raw. he’s not the exception.i
sad really | April 14, 2008 at 5:28 pm
#46
penises don’t like condoms.
BoboTed | April 14, 2008 at 5:34 pm
So a Transgender “man” cannot become pregnant and raise a child with a loving wife without media outrage and scorn, but these two dickwarts can fuck and make a baby and everything is hunky dory. I bet my life that the baby with two moms is going to turn out a hell of a lot better than the offspring of these two no-talent wannabees.