Ashlee Simpson is definitely pregnant

April 14th, 2008 // 67 Comments

Ashlee Simpson is having Pete Wentz’s baby. Us Magazine ended the speculation today that started when the couple announced their engagement last Wednesday:

Ashlee Simpson is pregnant, a source confirmed to Usmagazine.com. The singer, 23, is expecting her first child with fiancé Pete Wentz, 28.

First off, congratulations, to the happy couple. Way to prove everybody wrong and figure out the mechanics of sexual intercourse. Frankly, I’m stunned. That said, my condolences to Ashlee. Nothing short of the Jaws of Life will get that kid’s chin out of your birth canal. But it’s worth it for that priceless bundle of joy. I mean, really, who needs a vagina anyway? What with today’s economy and all.

Photo: Getty Images
superficial

  1. That Guy

    HELLO IM NUMBER 57

  2. luna

    oh no all the sad little 13 year olds are going to cry
    wont some one think of the children

    i shocked he let someone else play with his penis beside mrs PALMER
    and even more surprised that his chick knew what to do with it

    some people never cease to amaze

  3. Gossip girl

    YUCK, THAT BABY WILL CHIN LIKE JAY LENO!!

  4. bakinmycake

    once they past the epiglotis anything can happen….

  5. Randal

    Hi everyone, sorry for not posting lately. I went to NYC for the Paris Hilton, be a best friend contest. Thought I’d give it a shot.

    Anyhow, we all know Ashlee is going to be a great mother and influence on her child. I wish her and Pete all the best in the months to come.

    Congrats!

    Randal

  6. RENEE

    So she’s really not just his beard? Seriously??? Anyways, sorry to say, but that kids gonna be one fugly little fugster.

  7. RENEE

    …espc considering her “original” schnozola

  8. That Guy

    NOOOOOOOO NOT PETE WENTZ IF HE GETS MARRIED THEN MAYBE FALLOUT BOY WILL DIE…..WAIT…THAT SOUNDS GREAT HOOORAY FOR THE GIMP AND THE ONE KNOWN AS CHIN!

  9. just one little pill

    Hello, it’s called BIRTH CONTROL, people. Something the Simpson and Spears parents should’ve practiced years ago.

  10. Cindy

    So…ok, best I can guess, they took the turkey baster, shoved it up Petey’s red-rimmed butthole, extracted the semen that’s almost always there, and stuck it up in Ashley. So now the only question is, who’s the dad? I’m guessing maybe Tony Romo, from a family vacation where he get sick and tired of being the bottom all the time.

  11. luna

    the chin of that child is going to be huge
    i bet she will book in for a c-section because she will be to afraid to give birth via the vagina. i just wanted to say vagina. haha i did it again.
    anywho that will be one ugly messed up kid.
    let take bets on one how much the first pictures will go for

  12. Next will be the perfunctory reality show where we get to see the live birth! Yeah! I can wait. Please. Please. No more!

  13. mamadough

    pete is the cover up for papa joe seeding his own spawn.

  14. PunkA

    The real question is, whose baby is it? I mean, it is not as if Pete is man enough to whip up the baby batter and serve it to a chick. That fem could’t impregnate anyone at a fertility clinic. So I’m guess it belongs to Daddy Simpson and Pete is the cover story.

  15. PunkA

    #13, you beat me to it!! You suck dough.

  16. Sambo the Ass Pirate

    sure sure, but if the kid ends up looking like Suri Cruise, we’ll know the Scientologists have once again impregnated an Icelandic goose with the semen of LRon Hubbard.
    PWLTC

  17. Auntie Kryst

    If these douchefuckers dare put eyeliner on a newborn someone better shoot them down..

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  19. sameshitdifferentyear

    “Ashlee Simpson is definitely irrelevant”

    Oops, actually that’s the headline of her life every day first thing in the morning.

  20. Wendiva

    Hello? Didn’t these two idiot’s release a video like a month ago saying they were pregnant? And then they said “no, no, it’s just a joke!” And now they announce it again? Why didn’t they just roll it in with the news of their engagement? Whatever. Freaking Tools!

  21. mamadough

    holy shit randal, i hope that you are the soon-to-be victim of a hate crime

  22. Sid

    Congrats to Ashlee, Pete, and Baby Leno.

  23. I Am Oshkosh

    Don’t you mean, “definitelee”?

  24. lickchin

    BIRTH CONTROL !!!!

    with all that money its stupid they get pregnated so young…. !!!
    stupid / insecure whores…

  25. Yo Momma

    White girls are so fuckin’ ugly!!!

  26. JackSpratling

    Ha!

    If it’s a boy, they’ll move back to Wilmette, Illinois so their baby can relive the formative years of ass-kickings and eyeliner. The hallways of New Trier are brutal, just brutal.

    If it’s a girl, they’ll just drop her off with Papa Joe so she can experience creepy stares and inappropriate comments from her grandfather.

  27. Health Class Teacher

    And to think, all these years I’ve been teaching that you can’t get pregnant when a gay guy spits semen into your vagina.

  28. kirsten dunst

    …and like the other 9.5 out of 10 posts on this site, who honestly gives a shit.

  29. Ted Mosby

    I have a sneaky suspicion that Jessica will announce a pregnancy soon.

  30. weird

    I didnt think you could get pregnant from your boyfriend sleeping with another man.

  31. Jimbo

    Which one is Ashley?

  32. oh please

    LOOK, CLEARLY THIS IS JUST ANOTHER “TRAP” BABY. DON’T BE SO JUDGMENTAL. I’M SURE THE MAJORITY OF PEOPLE ON THIS BOARD WERE NOT PLANNED BY BOTH PARENTS BEFORE CONCEPTION. NOTICE I SAID “BOTH” PARENTS.

  33. Clem

    Brooke Hogan is the dad.

  34. The strangest part is, he’s the one who pissed on the EPT.

  35. whatever

    Everyone knows that famous chicks have super ovaries that drop an egg even while taking birth control pills just as prescribed. This, of course completely defies science and research and all that jazz. It also doesn’t help that famous dudes have super sperm that can swim through condoms and even, (in this case, through another gay man) to get to their intended destination. So they actually really tried to be socially responsible and not create a demon child of douchetacularness, but they just couldn’t help it! Aww who am I kidding, that bitch has been dropping her pills down the drain and poking holes in condoms since day 1.

  36. LOVE LARRY

    NOTHING SAYS ROMANTIC LIKE GETTING ENGAGED CAUSE YOU’RE PREGNANT. THE GAYS MUST BE SO JEALOUS

  37. francesca

    uh…does anyone think they look WAY TOO MUCH ALIKE in that picture?

  38. francesca

    uh…does anyone think they look WAY TOO MUCH ALIKE in that picture?

  39. francesca

    uh…does anyone think they look WAY TOO MUCH ALIKE in that picture?

  40. Kingsley Amis

    You know, maybe Jessica is the pretty one AND the smart one.

  41. Pete Wentz's dick

    and by “pregnant” you mean “a cunt”

  42. Summer Kat

    Doesn’t anyone use protection anymore??!!! Fucking idiots!!!!! A woman getting knocked up is the WORST reason EVER to get married.

  43. Jammy

    Apparently her uterus is in her chin.

  44. Annie Rexia

    Someone needs to develope a home abortion kit. Those two fucktards would gladly “test it out” for some extra cash. Ash could do the “hoe down” afterwards. Either way, let’s pray for a miscarriage. Put the poor little fetus out of it’s misery.

  45. ldsqtbea

    … well … umm …. best of luck to them :-D hopefully they can handle both marriage and a new little bundle of joy :-D

  46. ldsqtbea

    #42
    totally agree … someone should stand outside of the nightclubs and pass out condoms … and totally with you on how bad of idea it is to get married because of a kid … i mean, its nice and all but a kid wont keep a marriage together … everyone takes marriage and having children so light nowadays

  47. Mighty

    Dang! the chin jokes have already been made…I guess it was as obvious as a “chin” in the middle of the face… oh well…here’s a list of names for your baby…

    Chinzila!
    Chin Kong!
    Chinapalooza
    Chinmongus
    Chinmendous
    Chintastik!
    Galactichin
    Gigantachin
    Macrochin
    Elephanchin
    The one AU chin!

    ChinDoucheLee?

    ZzzzzzZzzzz

  48. oprah's vagina

    #42

    when you think about it, condoms haven’t been around that long. several hundred years but i mean really, since humans have been alive, men have preferred to fuck raw. i mean really have you ever met a guy who just couldn’t wait to put on a condom? sure guys will do it but often because a woman insists. they don’t proactively pursue it. hell, elliot spitzer was trying to get hookers to let him fuck them raw. he’s not the exception.i

  49. sad really

    #46

    penises don’t like condoms.

  50. BoboTed

    So a Transgender “man” cannot become pregnant and raise a child with a loving wife without media outrage and scorn, but these two dickwarts can fuck and make a baby and everything is hunky dory. I bet my life that the baby with two moms is going to turn out a hell of a lot better than the offspring of these two no-talent wannabees.

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