Ashlee Simpson is definitely pregnant

Ashlee Simpson is having Pete Wentz’s baby. Us Magazine ended the speculation today that started when the couple announced their engagement last Wednesday:

Ashlee Simpson is pregnant, a source confirmed to The singer, 23, is expecting her first child with fiancé Pete Wentz, 28.

First off, congratulations, to the happy couple. Way to prove everybody wrong and figure out the mechanics of sexual intercourse. Frankly, I’m stunned. That said, my condolences to Ashlee. Nothing short of the Jaws of Life will get that kid’s chin out of your birth canal. But it’s worth it for that priceless bundle of joy. I mean, really, who needs a vagina anyway? What with today’s economy and all.

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