Ashlee Simpson hospitalized

December 16th, 2005 // 29 Comments

tn_ashlee_concert_cr.jpgLike herpes, Ashlee Simpson was gone for a few weeks only to resurface and make me break down and weep to the heavens, asking why God has forsaken us with such an affront to humanity. Writhing around like a panda in heat onstage has taken its toll, causing the lesser of two Simpsons to check into a hospital in Japan.

…she told the audience she felt sick and said to them, “I love you guys,” Us Weekly reported Friday. She then collapsed in an elevator and was rushed by ambulance to a hospital.

Sending Ashlee to Japan must be some kind of deferred punishment for Pearl Harbor because if it’s a choice between a public caning or suffering through one of her lip-synched concerts, my hands are on my ankles. My only explanation for this latest stunt is she’s trying to avoid being booed out of the stadium from another bowl game. ‘Tis the season, after all.


  1. derekd

    She DOES look like she needs a nose job in that pic. Has anybody seen the before and after of Jennifer Grey(Dirty Dancing)? What a difference.

  2. thunderbolt

    There is a sacrificial quality to this girl’s skewered public persona that makes me sad. I get the impression that she takes it all quite personally. What is outrageous to my mind is the fact that someone like her is being imposed on the public in the first place. It’s only natural that there would be a backlash to such a clear example of nepotism and talentlessness.

  3. al rarow

    her nose is cute as hell. stop hatin’. you can hate on her prowess as a songstress, but her nose is a-ok.

  4. If I had been in that elevator, I would have gotten some guys together and bukkakeed her.

  5. BurnZ

    well lets just all prey for ashley in the hopes that she has some rare fatal disease that doesn’t have a cure.

  6. they need to forsake ashlee back to 7th heaven, where nobody can see her

  7. Why do we send stars like Ashlee Simpson to other countries? Isn’t that an act of war? Do we really want the Japanese mad at us again?

  8. Sheva

    I like her a lot more than her “I’m going to play like I’m even more stupid than you think” blonde act. Boy is that tired.
    But this poor girl is suffering from some psychotic breakdown of trying to become insufferable like her sister.

    She seems to have gotten cuter since not trying to dress like some boy rapper. But unlike the fat ankled and exploding Britney, she is still a girl and not a woman.

    You know parents, sometimes you should let your kids grow up to be kids. There’s time for them to not be kids later.

  9. Zapp Brannigan

    I hope for a speedy recovery. Honestly. I don’t want her to die. I want her career to.

  10. mapleleafmama

    I hope she didn’t injure her perfect boobs in the fall…that would be a shame. Of course, if she landed on her head it probably would have caved in, seeing as it’s empty and all.

  11. Mandy

    Okay..the girl is just not cute. I think if she got her hideous nose done and a chin job, she’d be much more attractive. If I were her, I’d pray for a straight face fall so that I’d have a reason to get plastic surgery and look more like my much more attractive sister!

  12. Sally

    It’s so difficult to watch people so revolting think they’re so amazing… I swear I could kill this girl… Then I’d take down her sister… Bwahahaha… I don’t know how these girls have so much confidence instilled in them: Papa Joe obviously did something wrong – I mean right… Yeah… But still, they must realise how annoying they are, right?

  13. hafaball

    In Japan, they seem to like everyone. I don;t know why, but they’re crazy over there. Now she’s scammed who knows how many people out of their yen, and I think they’re a little pissed. And now, no one likes her, except the germans, cause they seem to like everyone too.

  14. HollyJ

    I think she faked the faint for publicity.

  15. Zapp Brannigan

    HollyJ: I wondered that too. Papa Joe probably staged it in order to take some publicity off Jessica.

    Papa Joe has also probably been hiring teams to buy Ashlee’s album, en masse, across the country in order to artifically inflate sales figures and have Ashlee’s album in the top ten. Don’t laugh. It’s been rumored that such a thing has been done for other artists, and it’s not hard to do.

  16. it’s “its”, not “it’s”.

    and stop saying she ‘needs a nosey’. she’s a cock, not a monster.

    dros xx

  17. Michael1

    The faint is an act… she’s trying to look edgy and “real” — a *cough cough* “serious” artist.

    If she has any compassion, she’ll quit inflicting her “music” on the public, and find a fulfilling career in something like imbalming or sewing buttons on shirts for WalMart.

    But I don’t get the talk about her needing plastic surgery. It’s kind of scary when people have become so accustomed to the “hot face” that Hollywierd sells us that anything else looks abnormal.

  18. nadda

    post 16, uh, not it’s “it’s” as in “it is”, not “its” as in possessive pronoun like his or hers…

  19. dros

    your definition is correct! this, however, is not:

    “Writhing around like a panda in heat onstage has taken it’s toll…”

    is all.

  20. Kiren

    but who will make the music?!?!!?

  21. gypsygoddess

    Interesting…. I didn’t know being an annoying no talent could make you sick.

  22. ki

    I have moved well past hatred for Ashlee Simpson and am now fully in the Pity Zone, an area reserved for starving puppies and pathetic trainwrecks. I’ve grown benevolent towards Ashlee and her sad little career, kind of like I’ve done for Britney Spears. No, wait. Scratch that. That white trash skank is getting what’s coming to her.

  23. jka

    Sure she lacks talent and got sloppy seconds from the Simpson gene pool, but she should count her blessings: at least she’s not the object of Papa Joe’s unnatural attentions like her sister.

  24. derekd

    Rarow. seriously look at that nose in that pic. Its more hooked than Howard Sterns!!

  25. MacMac

    She’s been on this whole huge tour trying to prove she can sing.

    No wonder she’s exhausted. Think it would have dawned on her before this! Or not.

  26. cornelius_prot

    I’m surprised this one has gotten 25 comments deep and nobody has mentioned Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Instead, you all talk about her nose. Superficial indeed.

    Deferred punishment for Pearl Harbor? Japan has been suffering for that indiscretion for over half a century now. But hey, it’s not my fault japanese men like manga.

  27. ThatsHot

    Ashley, honey, can we talk? Seriously, I understand the pressure of having a successful sibling, but honestly, stop it. It was kinda cute at first. You know, you trying to follow in big sis’s footsteps. We all thought you’d give it the old college try and slowly but surely fetter away. But you keep trying, which is noble, yes. Yes, we know how hard you’re trying. But you’re failing miserably and embarrasing everyone around you. Now far be it from me to be harsh, but your singing is alot like the time your father made that comment about Jessica’s boobs. Remember how grossed out you were? Yeah, I know, you just wanted to crawl under a rock and die. Which, by the way, wouldn’t be too bad of an idea. Thanks for letting me get that off my chest. You know, just some food for thought. That and consult your sister’s plastic surgeon. Your nose is really ugly. And your chin. Fix that too.

    With all my love,
    Your Mother

  28. Seamus Begonia Smell

    no one on the message boards are ever funny, so please stop trying to be.

    a lot of times when celebrities are hospitalized for “exhaustion,” that’s code for “plastic surgery is being performed now.” which would obviously make a lot of you happy.

  29. A Nobody

    Publicity, publicity, publicity, publicity. These stars are just so predictable.

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