Ashlee Simpson has to make Jessica hate life

August 21st, 2009 // 105 Comments

Ashlee Simpson showed up to the InStyle Summer Soiree last night looking uncharacteristically good. You know what would be awesome? Ashlee’s body with Jessica’s breasts. I know Joe Simpson’s thought about it. That’s why his Christmas list consists of only three items this year: A hacksaw, duct tape and one of those pens where the chick takes her top off when you hold it upside down. The man’s obsessed.

Photos: Getty, WireImage
superficial

  1. jt

    okay. they’re clearly both talentless. but to compare ashlee to jessica is sick. jessica has a rockin body. ashlee is a stick.

  2. dude

    She looks fantastic. For a crack whore.

  3. Danklin24

    While Ashlee does have nice legs and moderately nice tits, jessca’s body is better overall. Jessica’s boobs are a cup size or two bigger and jessica also has an ass where as you can see, ashlee doesnt. Ashlee is smokin hot since the nose job though

  4. Lol… so many funny posts =*)

  5. Dee

    She looks like the typical anorexic plastic surgeried moron.

  6. sanddye

    I think she looks absolutely beautiful. No ass, but that’s okay. Her eyes are so huge and the most beautiful color of slate green/ deep blue.

  7. dick

    Damn!, she does look good. Very good legs and nice slender body. Her titters are just fine, would rather have natural small funbags than the big, hard fake tits. Don’t think she needed the nose either. Anyway…I’d love to toss her salad and eat her taco!

  8. vito

    I guess one could consider Ashley attractive. I guess. But compared to Jessica she looks like a tall, scrawny, boy awaiting puberty.

    Jessica, on the other hand, is fucking gorgeous…voluptuous, great legs, marvy ass, and epic tits. She also has a beautiful mouth that can undoubtedly suck-start a Harley-Davidson.

  9. Lain

    Why did she go for the chin implant? I mean, it’s supposed to compliment her nose job,but she’s evidently lost way too much weight.

  10. Nah

    Both Ashlee & Jessica (esp lately) look..Trashy.

  11. lllovelulu

    I found a great dating site________W e a l t h y D a t e r. C o m________. The best dating club for seeking the rich singles, sexy beauties and even hot celebs.. what’s the most important is that you dont have to be a millionaire.but you can meet one. I think everyone need to meet some miracle after all the terrible stuff in the news and the economy .You should check———————————————–

  12. lllovelulu

    I found a great dating site________W e a l t h y D a t e r. C o m________. The best dating club for seeking the rich singles, sexy beauties and even hot celebs.. what’s the most important is that you dont have to be a millionaire.but you can meet one. I think everyone need to meet some miracle after all the terrible stuff in the news and the economy .You should check———————————————–

  13. lllovelulu

    I found a great dating site________W e a l t h y D a t e r. C o m________. The best dating club for seeking the rich singles, sexy beauties and even hot celebs.. what’s the most important is that you dont have to be a millionaire.but you can meet one. I think everyone need to meet some miracle after all the terrible stuff in the news and the economy .You should check———————————————–

  14. lllovelulu

    I found a great dating site________W e a l t h y D a t e r. C o m________. The best dating club for seeking the rich singles, sexy beauties and even hot celebs.. what’s the most important is that you dont have to be a millionaire.but you can meet one. I think everyone need to meet some miracle after all the terrible stuff in the news and the economy .You should check———————————————–

  15. Snake

    Wearing what looks like lingerie out in public= HOT
    Sexy pearls= HOT
    Cute face and hair= HOT
    Sexy legs and high heels= HOT
    The nice tits= HOT
    Tattoos= NOT HOT
    No ass= NOT HOT

  16. A Non-Genetic Specimen Trying To Be Version Of Me. Bon Chance!, Really!

  17. Snake commenter=truth. This bitch was busted before she began. Triste.

  18. lollipop

    her head looks way too big for her body now. Esp in the last pic. It looks like her head was photoshopped into the pic (i know its not, but just looks that way)

  19. GGtheDancingQueen

    If she were given an official Michael Jackson nickname, it would probably be “Stick.”

  20. RtSS

    I am glad to see daddy let Ashlee out of the closet. His other little money $$$ maker has fizzled out, and is yesterday’s news. Not to mention the extra lbs. she’s put on. Now, he goes to ‘plan B’; pimpin’ out Ashlee until she gets old, fat, and tired. Bring on the nude pictures, shop her out to Playboy… Oh, yeah, that’s right Playboy doesn’t do nudes anymore. Get to pimpin’ her out quickly daddy, before she ends up as wide as Jessie in the ass. I’d pump my schlong and protein shake into this fine specimen. Ashlee, call me sweetie.

  21. Jester

    Wearing what looks like lingerie out in public on her = NOT HOT
    Sexy pearls on her = NOT HOT
    Cute face and hair= NOT
    Sexy legs and high heels and No Ass= NOT HOT
    No tits= NOT HOT
    Tattoos= NOT HOT
    No ass= NOT HOT
    Marrying someone more annoying that Spencer Pratt= Worthless

    Fixed it for ya Snake……………

  22. Duke Nukem

    ATTENTION FATTIES AND CHUBBY-CHASERS!

    Ashlee = in shape. Fit.

    To those of you used to looking at an ‘average’ fat american woman it may seem that she is too thin, but guess what, this is what normal looked like 40+ years ago before ‘average’ was 30 lbs overweight. Before computers and cable tv made going outside to do something ‘exercise.’

    So take a good look and see what women looked like before blubber was the norm.

  23. cko

    This is what the world is coming to? You look “good” if you are skinny and coked out? I honestly think Jess is prettier now, even with Ashley’s nosejob. Her lips are ridiculous, her hair is greasy, and standing next to that other pretty woman, she looks horrible. Look those eyes~! ICK.

  24. emmy

    ok, i wasn’t going to say anything but i had to, this is not what women looked like 40 years ago. Betty Page, Marilyn Monroe…etc. They were sex objects and still are. I realize some men like very waspy girls and some men like thick girls but if you put Eva Mendes or Salma Hayek or Scarlette Johansen in front of them, they’d forget Ashlee Simpson, Kate Moss…whoever. Those women are curvy but still fit. Ashlee doesn’t have any muscle tone or curves. And for the smart ass who said only fat women call being “fat” curvy, thats not the case. Curvy is boobs and hips/ass, not fat. I wouldn’t call Rosie O’Donnell “curvy”. Curvy implies that there is a hourglass shape…some women may have more of an hour and a half glass shape but the curves make it look better instead of a complete rotund apple shape. yea yea, i know im a chick so i don’t know….but im telling you, the women i lust after the most are the ones with boobs and booty.

  25. ha

    That’s so weird that thinness seems to infuriate girls. Isn’t it more natural for fat people to just kind of annoy you?

    I always thought that she turned out super pretty after the surgery, but I think Pete Wentz is the gayest, most annoying and talentless little piece of shit to grace the earth. I really can’t stand guys like that.

  26. andy

    My friend recommended me a very interesting place____billionaireromance .com____ It’s where wealthy singles looking for someone to enjoy their wealthy lifestyle with:)

  27. Her face is too oily and has a similar sheen to her dress here. Not flattering.

    -meream

  28. Hella

    hey guys,

    f*ck this girl looks scaaaaaaaaaaary, God, i cannot believe you guys comparing her with Jess!!!! every woman on earth should look like Jessica, I am not saying she is the prettiest out there, but for sure she has it all, the curve the hair the ALL @@@ and SF you had it wrong this time, it should be like ‘Ashlee Simpson has to make Jessica APPRECIATE life” and trust me Jess is hot, and darn it she knows it!!!!

  29. M

    what happened to her tits?? they used to be huuuge

  30. weirdo

    I’d snack on her stinky pussy for a while and bend her over and fuck her in the ass and then throw her in the great white shark tank at the aquarium because I’m the Weirdo!

  31. zWz

    73. Duke Nukem

    Not really. I mean, look at the women considered ‘beautiful’. They were much fuller.

  32. I think these are some of the worst pics of Ashlee I’ve ever seen. Looks like a dirty meth whore. Maybe better than Kate Cassidy, though.

  33. Dice

    This is good-looking? Pasty, clammy-looking skin, just-gang-raped-in-an-alley hair and a dress that looks like its supposed to be a lining of a real dress? You’re slipping, SuperficialWriter. I am sincerely disappointed.

  34. F*ck you back dude

    God, the FATTIES AND CHUBBY-CHASERS are out in full force. Let me laid it out for you, I have traveled around the world and seen different types of people and no matter how much the fatties (men and women) campaign to make chubby and overweight people seem “beautiful” by using words like “curvy” to disguise their shameful truth, IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN because slim people will always be preferred. Ashlee Simpson may be nothing special to look at, but calling her nicely fit body skinny and anorexic is ignorant, very pathetic and it just shows how bitter the fatties are. I would gladly in a second step over a fatty to get to a hot, slim girl in a club. I am sadden that the standard of people have been lowered and now obese men and women are considered the norm, soon the apocalypse will be upon us.

    @73. Duke Nukem, well said.

  35. angela

    UMMMM… ok. #85. You can be FIT and still have CURVES. Please. Excuse you. Women are supposed to have some softness to them. You’ve got issues, perhaps an E.D. yourself as you seem to really get angered by this suggestion. Seek therapy maybe?

    PS – No I am not a “fattie” – I am 5’9 and I’m one of those types that has to work at it to have shape & curves – sitting currently at a healthy 125 lbs. Not everyone in the world who thinks women should, as nature intended, carry a higher body fat % and softness than men, are fat. If you don’t believe what I’m telling you is indeed what nature intended, google it.

  36. me

    …she’s pretty. I don’t see anything wrong with her face, or body. She’s young.. I was like this at her age. I think she’s a very pretty gal, however, why is she still famous? Has she had a new cd lately?

  37. JokerBaby

    she looks like my ugly cousin, nosejob and all

  38. JokerBaby

    she looks like my ugly cousin, nosejob and all

  39. Duke Nukem

    @75 and 82: Those arguments are very tired and always dragged out by fatty apologists. I’ll skip the subjective and go straight to the objective truth:

    CDC studies:
    Women aged 20-29 were nearly 29 pounds heavier on average in 2002 compared to 1960.

    Source: http://usgovinfo.about.com/od/healthcare/a/tallbutfat.htm

    People always conveniently forget the Twiggies and other thin celebs and only remember the handful of ‘voluptuous’ women, who were rare in those days.

    /End argument. (note, that’s 2002, people have only gotten fatter since then, so it wouldn’t surprise me if the numbers are up around 32-35 lbs fatter)

  40. F*ck you back dude

    @86. angela, I am not the one who has issues, perhaps you have not read the rest of the mean spirited comments that are clearly written by bitter fatties. Believe me I can appreciate a woman’s curves and I know very well that a fit body can still have curves but there is a huge misconception now were chubby/overweight people have taken the word curvy to glorify their fat bodies. I don’t know what your perception of fit and curvy is but Ashlee Simpson has a hot body and anyone who does not thinks so has no taste. I get pissed with bitchy comments every time photos of a fit/slim hot female celebrity is being shown rather then being admired. So excuse YOU.

  41. testington

    How about less pictures of the greasy redhead in the adult diaper and more pictures of the hot blond dressed like a chipolte burrito

  42. Willie Dixon

    No butt, but great legs.

  43. Wow nice! Ashlee Simpson has to make Jessica hate life

  44. i have to admit she does look really hot there.

  45. Dread not

    Nice legs, but she’s a fuckin’ stick figure. Her REAL nose gave her face some character. Now she looks like a low level porn star. Ashlee’s still the no talent tard who did the hoe down dance on SNL when the wrong music was played for her to lip sync along with. Jessica’a the only Simpson that matters, IMO.

    But let’s cut to the nitty gritty: Ashlee has a hole and a heartbeat. So, yes, she get’s the blood sausage meat.

  46. Darth

    Not bad at all.

  47. Galtacticus

    On a scale of 10,a 6.

  48. Rhialto

    Katie Cassidy looks pretty hot btw!?

  49. Greg

    She is dressing better… but no Jessica is still hotter. Ashley is getting closer though.

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