Ashlee Simpson has to make Jessica hate life

August 21st, 2009 // 105 Comments

Ashlee Simpson showed up to the InStyle Summer Soiree last night looking uncharacteristically good. You know what would be awesome? Ashlee’s body with Jessica’s breasts. I know Joe Simpson’s thought about it. That’s why his Christmas list consists of only three items this year: A hacksaw, duct tape and one of those pens where the chick takes her top off when you hold it upside down. The man’s obsessed.

Photos: Getty, WireImage

  1. chris


  2. chris


  3. chris


  4. anon

    She looks washed out and washed up, but still infinitely better than Jessica.

  5. Jonny

    … this looks “good”?!?!?! BRUTAL!

  6. Roger

    This post prooves the Superficial writer is indeed A) Gay and/or B) legally blind.

  7. Nate




  8. carly

    She looks horrible, always does. Jessica is soo very much prettier and healthier looking. Ashley always looks greasy and jus plain nasty. Her style does not suit her at all. She is way too skinny and has zero curves. Eww

  9. TopaCat

    where is her ass in #8?

  10. Zee Brat

    She looks emaciated. I guess everyone is entitled to their opinion. How are her arms so thin if she has to carry her child around everywhere?

  11. Jeez… lookin to much like an olsen twin here… eat something woman!

  12. I liked the old nose! I know pappy Joe wouldnt dare recommend such a surgery….

  13. Kelley

    This chick has had more plastic surgery than Elizabeth Taylor and Dolly Parton … Holy Jesus, man … yikes.

  14. Che What

    Dang, she looks awful! (body is banging tho).Get some tanner on that girl & get some degreaser! The blond is hot… Really, who is managing this girl, put some clothing colors on her to match her pale complexion, the silver makes her look washed out. And cut the greasy look. Ack!

  15. mj

    if by “good” you mean she looks coked out then, yeah, she looks “good.”

  16. Randal

    This is one family with many great genes! From singing, dancing to acting, the Simpson sisters are a combination of all, sprinkled with a beauty that is hard to match. Keep looking good, Ashlee!


  17. gotmilk?

    uugh could she look greasier?

  18. Tim

    Jessica has a gut, fat arms, man-chin and retard eye. And legs like tree stumps. She’s alos super short. All Jessica has are her oversized cans – which look great in clothes, but are fat girls boobs – no firmness, no tone.

    So, with that being said, it doesn’t take much for hier sister to top her. She doesn’t have Jessica’s weight problem, has a nicer face than Jessica (no man-chin, no blank stare) but is a bit pale.

    Over and out.

  19. Deacon Jones

    I’m going to go out on a limb here and sound totally gay….

    (mmph phhtft ommph) Thatdressisabadcolorforher.


    Time to go slam my head into the wall

  20. FromOutofFrakkinNoWhere

    holy sh%t what Mack truck slammed into her ass. It’s like a straight line from head to heels back there. Uncharacteristically good, are you kidding. I wouldn’t go putting down Jessica for Ashley’s sake, Jessica still has all the right curves in the right places.

  21. Keith

    She’s got a rocking bod. Not like her fat short sister with the beer gut and thunder thighs.

  22. susan suzie

    hi there all u mean fuckers…. if u r bored and want a free 12 pack of condoms from walgreens call this number 908-461-0956 and ask for suzie

  23. THIS is considered good looking? PLEASE! Jessica has curves that women are SUPPOSED to have and that men WANT! Ashlee needs to eat.

    Pale skin and no figure.

  24. yessica

    I usually don’t like her behavior and antics but she always dresses better than Jessica.

  25. Hank

    Haha – all the fat girls are now posting to defend fat Jessica and trashing the good looking, healthy sister, who isn’t obese.

    Notice the words that the fat girls use for “fat”? “Curves”. LOL

  26. pasteve

    Fish, thank you for confirming my theory that any skank, no matter how greasy or emaciated, looks better after you give her a pearl necklace.

  27. veggi


    I lol’d..

  28. dalkj

    definitely better looking than jessica right now. her legs look delicious.

  29. nastyjay

    in between those legs, is where i wanna be

  30. bang dang

    Why is that plastic-faced skank supposed to be famous?

  31. Jake

    Those thighs look like a bit of heaven.

    Life’s not fair. Poor Jessica ended up with the squatty elephant trunk thighs.

  32. GrammarMenshevik

    If you think this looks good even compared to “fat” Jessica, kill yourself.

  33. Blech

    Ashlee Simpson? Really?? I thought I was looking at a photo of one of the Olsen twins.

  34. Superevil

    She looked hotter 5 years ago

  35. Joe Simpson

    @30 – You go nastyjay! And for another $14.99, I’ll throw in her sister the human doorstop, plus two extra Sham-Wow’s!

  36. agentgirl007

    Ashlee always looks greasy…especially her bangs! ick.

  37. Amy

    Yeah, because every female wants zero boobs, a baby at 20, and to be married to a fag. I’m so jealous.

    Meanwhile, Jessica has huge boobs, and got to fuck both Nick and Tony and has no children. Yeah, I bet she’s green with envy.

  38. hotmom

    Well said Amy. I 100percent agree with you….

  39. super awesome-o

    does she have a wonky eye?

  40. Nameless

    There’s nothing Ashlee could do to overpower Jessica’s awesome bewbage. However, without her bewbs, even Jessica would be akin to well, Ashlee.

  41. titsonsnack

    I don’t care, I hate her. I can’t stand her. And her husband’s a woman.

  42. Tom K

    Last picture…………..Nice fucking legs!!!!

    Face looks dirty, but other then that still better then her sister Miss Piggy aka Jessica.

    I give it a 7.

  43. titsonsnack

    She’s a fucking chucklehead and she grosses me out. It doesn’t even matter what she looks like physically, she could have more plastic surgery and transform herself to the most beautiful woman on earth and she would still make me feel icky, like she smells her own farts and eats her toe jam.

  44. bobby_da_Perv

    shes too skinny and has no ass or tits, Jessica on the other hand is smoking

  45. farthammer

    Moley little bitch.

  46. techman

    She looked kinda OK until Katie Cassidy got into the picture and made her look like a little girl playing dressup.

  47. zuzuspetals

    Jesus, that chin. She could open cans with that thing.

  48. miss dixie

    remember how everyone was saying the opposite just a few years ago? poor jess. also, what is with that ginormous chin implant?

  49. sir loin

    looking better that that heifer Heidi Montag. ashley looks OK but Heidi is just F-A-T!

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