Ashlee Simpson & Pete Wentz already hate their son, and he was just born

November 21st, 2008 // 88 Comments

Ashlee Simpson-Wentz gave birth to a baby boy last night and simultaneously won the “You’ve Got to Be Shitting Me” Award for the most ridiculous baby name. People reports:

Bronx Mowgli Wentz weighed 7 lbs., 11 oz., and was 20 1/2 inches long.
“Ashlee, Pete and baby Bronx are all healthy and happy, and thank everyone for their well wishes!” a spokesperson tells PEOPLE.

Bronx Mowgli Wentz. So I’m guessing Chewbacca Squishypants was already taken?

Congrats to Ashlee & Pete and best of luck to Bronx. You’re gonna need it.

Photo: WENN
superficial

  1. james

    FIRST!

  2. michelle

    the first name would make a good middle name. now where did they get the middle name from??? this kids will obviously be emo…

    worst. name. ever.

  3. Good for them. Now they can put a psychiatrist on retainer for what will inevitably years of therapy… Why is my dad a douche? Why is mom a talentless hack?

  4. PoohEater

    Well, on the bright side, I guess that means they’re planning on him being raised by a pack of wolves.

  5. lucci

    i’d still do her!

  6. Jeezy

    Just awful. Ship these nobodies off to an island and let us get back to bikini pics and nipple slips.

  7. hmna

    Mowgli – does this mean they can’t feed him after midnight, or he turns into a gremlin?

    WHEE

  8. AJ

    The name IS ridiculous (as should be expected), but doesn’t Zuma Nesta Rock Rossdale beat Bronx Mowgli?

  9. Kate

    I googled it – Mowgli is a character from the Jungle Book. Commence making fun.

    Just want everyone to close their eyes, and picture a doddering old man with a cane telling you his name is Bronx Mowgli.

  10. They’re lucky today: WE HATE THEM TOO ALREADY, folks!!

  11. They are so calculated on being celebs its just sickening!

  12. Kate

    I’m hoping one of these kids pulls a Menendez and blows away their parents for saddling them with such horrible fucking names. What are these people thinking? I’m all for a name not everyone else has, but give me a fucking break. Your kid is already going to be different for being the kid of a celebrity, why make it worse?

  13. Kate

    And what’s with the New York suburb names? So everyone wants to name their kid Brooklyn or, now apparently, Bronx. Fuck it. I’m naming my first kid “Staten Island”.

    Just wait. Very soon someone will name their child Manhattan. I’m telling you its only a matter of time.

  14. Clem

    He looks like a shaved baboon.

  15. I named my kid Bangkok just as a reminder of the wild and passionate sex life that produced him, and subsequently vanished upon his arrival.

  16. Kele

    I love you Superficial …if for nothing but your subject lines!

  17. Uncle Eccoli

    These celebs really LOVE themselves, don’t they? They’re all pathetic attention whores.

  18. nineties cartoon fan

    Bronx

    Thats what they called their dog’s name in the 90′s cartoon Gargoyles haha funny I wonder if they ever watched that movie

  19. Area Man

    It would have been a lot easier on the kid down the road if they had instead named him something normal and had “I need attention” tattooed on their own foreheads.

  20. Jesse

    Idk I kinda like ‘Bronx’.. but ‘Mowgli’? That’s just plain stupid. And I do agree.. Zuma Nesta Rock takes the damn cake with the stupidest name on the planet. kingston- cutest name ever.. then they go to Zuma Nestsa? Ridiculous. I’m all for naming your kid a unique name but that’s taking it too far.. Zuma Nesta.. Mowgli.. fucking ridic.

  21. Mike

    If the really wanted to fuck over the kid, they could have just named him Rough Daddy Wentz. Then he really would have grown up to be a big pussy.

  22. Kate

    The kids initials are BMW?!? Seriously?!

  23. Me 2

    What a f’ugly ass couple. She looks so bad as a red-head and he is himself and would never look good with anyone.

    I feel genuinely sorry for this baby. I bet neither of them has ever even been to the bronx but of course they’ll come up with some semi-legitimate reason why they named him that. Let me tell you the real reason: Ashlee thinks “Bronx” is a cool word b/c it has an x on the end and Mowgli was Pete’s childhood hero/first crush. Sick.

  24. Kate

    The kids initials are BMW?!? Seriously?!

  25. Kate

    The kids initials are BMW?!? Seriously?!

  26. joshnut

    The baby is as tall as his dad!?

  27. Mike

    Seriously Kate? Seriously?? Are you really serious?

  28. Humpin frog

    I would have went with the always popular, Chinny Mydaddypreferscock Wentz.

  29. Yea - blah blah

    You know I have a 2 year old and we spent almost 6 months figuring out waht to name her so she wont get made fun of in school, life etc…

    These 2 idiors just made shit up and slapped it on the birth cert. Serioulsy, come ON! guys money fades so when your precious lil Bronx in in Public school with normal kids – guess who will be the one hiding in his locker….besides that the kid is already at a disadvantage – he will probably only grow to be about 5′ tall anyways….Let the swirlies begin!!!!

    I am still weeping for the future…..

  30. Max Planck

    I called my kid Staten Island…so there!

  31. steve

    pete is *such* an ugly mother fucker, its unreal.

  32. Sport

    The dude is a fucking tool. Faggy one.

  33. Kiss My Ass Elmo

    Shannon Sossamon named her baby girl Audio Science. Any of these names seem to say “This little bastard is going to fucking pay for destroying my vagina.”

  34. Meridith Enny

    To post #15

    You almost made me choke to death on my starburst candy with that one.

    Thanks a bunch.

  35. Silent Deadly Wind

    Actually “Bronx” is a sacred Native American name that means “boy with father who tries to conceive in poopchute”.

  36. dragon43078

    Where is the donation line at. That kid is going to need therapy for the rest of his life. Once for the name and forever for who he has as parents. Maybe he can cop a feel off of auntie Jessica.

  37. Daphne

    DUMBO must have been taken (if you live outside NYC, just google it) and Brooklyn is SO yesterday…idiots.

  38. That is just wrong! I actually don’t mind when people call their kids after places/things if they make a nice name. But Mowgli isn’t even a nice word. It’s just absurd.

  39. jacy

    what the fuck is wrong with these people? that has to be the most obnoxious baby name i have ever heard. it’s going to be ugly for one, a normal name could have rescued it… but no. let’s just hope it doesn’t get the cursed simpson jawline and the father’s small penis.

  40. kitty_kat

    Mowgli? One (or both) of them has been watching WAY too much Jungle Book…

  41. kitty_kat

    Mowgli? One (or both) of them has been watching WAY too much Jungle Book…

  42. We can only hope that the baby gets Ashley’s nose (the 1st one she had). Karma’s a bitch.

  43. ID

    and how do Bronx and Mowgli fit together? Mowgli lives sooo far away from da Bronx. maybe it represents wentz’s life – he felt like an outsider, just like jungle people, and then moved to a big City where he found out he SUCKS

  44. WTF

    Mowgli already has his first session with a therapist booked for 2013.

  45. oops

    @7:

    you’re thinking mogwai. although i wouldn’t have put it past them with that one either.

  46. jrz

    Why not just name him LA COUNTY OVERDOSE VICTIM #2349874987

  47. Slaappy

    Pete Wentz made sure there will no calls, text or email to him from Ashley tonight. He really really is dieing to see Twilight

  48. Kaboom!

    AT least he’ll have Brooklyn Beckham to keep him company in the nurse’s office.

  49. LOL

    #15 is fucking hilarious

  50. mamamiasweetpeaches

    I hate them passionately! Her “music” is dreadful and his? I think MAYBE I heard ONE song and that was pretty craptastic too . I cant bare to look at either of them, they are so ugly. I hope by some miracle the kid will be cute…..hard enough to be a hottie named Bronx Mowgli..but to be an ugly kid named Bronx Mowgli? There aint enough drugs in the WORLD to make that hurt go away!

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