So Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson Are Back Together

April 1st, 2011 // 34 Comments

Apparently Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson are just going to pretend she didn’t bang his best friend because here they are at Starbucks yesterday looking like a normal married couple going through the motions while dying a little more each day inside. That, or she’s really fucking with his head as payback for knocking her up because keep in mind her father’s a pastor who also happens to love large tits. “Abortion? Oh, no, that milk’s gotta come in. I mean, a *cough cough* that’s a life in there. Something stuck in my throat.”

Photos: Splash News

superficial

  1. LIberal

    Umm…that’s a Jonas Brother. HTH

  2. ludichrisspeed

    Umm…that’s Fred Savage,

  3. The new 2 1/2 men promo shot

  4. Richard McBeef

    Pete Wentz died his hair blond and went on a date with Fred Savage. Why do I give a shit?

  5. Pete Wentz Ashlee Simpson
    Commented on this photo:

    he actually looks like a regular guy here. if he can keep up the facade long enough maybe she’ll take him back just long enough for him to bang her sister as payback

  6. Am I going to have to be the one to point out that the kid looks NOTHING like him? Really, I have to be the guy?

    • The Critical Crassness

      That’s because he is really Ashley and Papa Joe’s kid! How else would he look so “Simpsony” without a hint of his father. I guess this is Papa Joe’s way of keeping it in the family!

  7. argleblargle

    This April Fools joke is really half-assed and your photoshop job is crap. You can tell it’s a fake because the shadows are all wrong.

  8. JC

    Since I die a little inside every time I hear the “music” that either one of them makes, it seems only fair that they suffer, too.

  9. Ed

    Awwww they look happy.

  10. That's Retarded

    That’s Retarded.

  11. Pete Wentz Ashlee Simpson
    otherguy2011
    Commented on this photo:

    she has no business wearing a navy seals shirt.

  12. Herman the Kid

    The photo caption should read “Douche Family Christmas.”

  13. noname

    Should have photoshopped on some wedding rings.

  14. That's Retarded

    That’s Retarded

  15. Carlton Banks

    It looks like G-Dub fathered that baby.

    And the Ducky look barely worked for Jon Cryer, let alone queen of the jigs.

  16. Arzach

    And that’s all for this week folks… until Ashley feels that she needs to be with a man again and everything starts over, and over, and over… persécula seculorum

  17. Pete Wentz Ashlee Simpson
    Ksurfiws
    Commented on this photo:

    Careful Kids. The Fedora is a gateway hat. Next thing you know you will be trying to score Fez in some back alley or end up all strung out on Pith.

  18. oh i know

    add about 40 weeks to this date and betcha Bronx has a new little borough to play with….

  19. Cornelius37

    she had taken a shine to me down on McDougall street in NYC before and after her rhinoplasti, afterward when she was sitting in an israeli coffee shop.. I thought she was some blonde porn star or something meanwhile Jesse Jane use to sometimes hang out in there and I didnt know who she was at the time.. I didnt have a computer and I didnt even bother with expensive stuff in the porn stores that she was in..getting back to Ashlee it’s great to read (she’s really fucking with his head as payback for knocking her up because keep in mind her father’s a pastor) awhile back I saw her near 42nd with purple hair, I was like what?? with a shoulder shrug.. she married with a kid.. I must of been a pastor in a former life.. like it says in the Who’s the Seeker “I have morals don’t know how or why”

    • The Critical Crassness

      Cornelius, if Joe Simpson is a pastor, it much be of the Church of What’s Happen Now ! He was formerly a minister but gave it up in order to manage Jessica’s breasts, err, career. What Joe Simpson is however, is a controlling asshole letch who lusts after his own daughter(s). Really great cred for a career as a minister!

  20. Fancypants

    That kid already has ashlees nose and a jew fro. Does not bode well

  21. Pete Wentz Ashlee Simpson
    Commented on this photo:

    Ladies and Gentlemen, the back of FAIL.

  22. Pete

    If you take all of the losers we love to rip on, then subtract everything that makes them interesting, you have these two reliable stalwarts for those days when bloggers want to beat the traffic and go home early.

  23. soupy

    breastfeeding babies tends to make your boobs go south. some women get implants after so everything fills out again

  24. the one

    he couldn’t get used to the taste of sperm…………

  25. Lesbo

    Nice hat, it makes you look retro butch.

  26. wait…pete wentz stole kelly osbourne’s boyfriend?

  27. Donald Trump

    I touched his junk once by accident. Dudes hung!

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