Artie Lange stabbed himself 9 times in suicide attempt

The Superficial / January 7, 2010

Comedian Artie Lange was hospitalized over the weekend and his reps have now confirmed it was a suicide attempt involving several stab wounds. Page Six reports:

Lange’s frantic mom called 911 Saturday morning after she entered his Hoboken apartment and found the bloodied funnyman, a law-enforcement source said. Lange sustained six “hesitation wounds” and three deep plunges. A source close to Lange’s management team confirmed that the Howard Stern sidekick stabbed himself, adding that his mother had come to visit him that day to drop off food. Surgeons managed to save Lange despite heavy bleeding.
“We all have our demons,” Stern said on-air this week, referring to Lange’s past battles with addiction.

Considering Artie Lange spends 98% of his day turning his body into a massive tankard of barbiturates, I’m having a hard time feeling sorry since he probably didn’t feel a thing or remembers what the fuck happened. To put things in perspective, I guarantee you this is a man who’s woke up at least once with a harpoon sticking out of his chest only to shrug it off and order 20 pizzas.

GET. SOME. GODDAMN. HELP.

Photo: WENN