When a Grope Becomes a Baby: The Maria Shriver Story

May 17th, 2011 // 94 Comments

For those of you still losing sleep over how Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver‘s marriage could’ve seemingly fell apart out of nowhere, turns out ten years ago he knocked up a woman who worked for them and then paid her to pretend the child was her husband’s as she continued to work for the family until January of this year. Being the family values Republican politician that he is, Arnold only decided to tell Maria after his term as governor ended, but in his defense, she would’ve left him immediately – like she just did. The LA Times reports:

“After leaving the governor’s office I told my wife about this event, which occurred over a decade ago,” Schwarzenegger said Monday night in a statement issued to The Times in response to questions. “I understand and deserve the feelings of anger and disappointment among my friends and family. There are no excuses and I take full responsibility for the hurt I have caused. I have apologized to Maria, my children and my family. I am truly sorry.
“I ask that the media respect my wife and children through this extremely difficult time,” the statement concluded. “While I deserve your attention and criticism, my family does not.”

Did I mention Arnold told Maria right after her dad died? Because he totally told her right after her dad died:

Schwarzenegger, 63, suggested that the split was temporary and the couple were working toward reconciliation. “We both love each other very much,” the former governor said at an appearance last week at the Skirball Cultural Center in Los Angeles. “We are very fortunate that we have four extraordinary children and we’re taking one day at a time.”
Friends of Shriver, 55, offered a grimmer assessment, saying she had been unhappy for years but made no move until after her parents died and Schwarzenegger finished his term as governor. Her father, Sargent Shriver, died Jan. 18, nearly a year and a half after the death of her mother, Eunice Kennedy Shriver.

Maria Shriver has since issued the following statement exclusive to The Superficial:

At this time, I humbly request the media respect my family’s privacy as I take this moment of reflection to refocus my efforts on ushering in a new era for Cobra thus returning to my birth name and fulfilling the hard work and dedication of Dr. Mindbender who cloned me at the psychic request of Golobulus. As I begin my yearly molting process, with friends and family by my side, please refrain from taking pictures of me grieving on the large, flat heat rock in my backyard. I will strive to answer your questions in an appropriate fashion.

Cobra-La-La-La-La,

Serpentor

Photo: Splash News

superficial

  1. Arnold Schwarzenegger Love Child
    milkcerealbaby
    Commented on this photo:

    Arnie is gonna need that extra Terminator cash to pay for the divorce and for his latest seed. Kindergarten Cop done Effed Up!

  2. Arnold Schwarzenegger Love Child
    Ram Punchington
    Commented on this photo:

    Hard to believe a guy could cheat on a sweet piece of ass likeAAAAARGHHHH MY EYES TOO!!!

  3. Plastic Fantastic

    Schwarzimpregnator.

  4. Sangriatic

    Am I the only one who thinks this is the most interesting thing Arnie has done in the past decade?

  5. barroom hero

    Nice skull ring doucher…

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