Maria Shriver Didn’t Have Enough Sex With Arnold

“Do naht hate da playah, hate da game.”

Arnold Schwarzenegger reportedly used to complain that Maria Shriver didn’t have enough sex with him which seems like a weird reason to make yourself the target of a massive criminal investigation considering she looks like the goddamn Predator. And, yes, you read that right, Maria has spiked mandibles Arnold’s under investigation for allegedly using the California Highway Patrol to help him bang chicks. RadarOnline reports:

Veteran hotel security officer William Taylor said he witnessed the “Governator” using California Highway Patrol (CHP) officers and vehicles to ferry scantily-clad women in-and-out of his suite at the Sacramento Hyatt Regency where he and wife Maria Shriver often stayed.
“It makes me very angry just to think of what was going on at that time,” Taylor, who passed a polygraph test about his claims, told the latest edition of the National Enquirer.
“On three differed occasions after the governor arrived alone at the Hyatt Regency, CHP Dignitary Protection Services arrived in their official vehicles, black Ford Crown Victoria sedans – about one to two hours later with one or two young females.
“They’d hurriedly escort the women through the service entrance on the second floor parking garage to the elevator that went to the governor’s private wing… the women would usually stay for two to four hours and either leave through the hotel’s main entrance or be driven away by the CHP in the same official vehicles.”

And before everyone jumps in with, “Hey, John Edwards is under investigation, too, commie,” you’re right, he is, but that still doesn’t make either one of them less of a hornball idiot who thought they could get away with it. That said, it’s nice to see Republicans and Democrats finally find some common ground albeit using whatever’s at their disposable to pretend other people are the fathers of their illegitimate love children. I really believe we can find some healing there.

REPUBLICAN: So… sticking your dick in things you shouldn’t is kind of fun, isn’t it?
DEMOCRATS: Yes, I suppose it is.
REPUBLICAN: *sticks out hand* Friends.
DEMOCRATS: *shakes hand* Friends.

♫ Oh, say, can you see, by the dawn’s early light… ♫

Photos: Splash News